Making Sex a Priority in Your Marriage

Listen to this article

Put your sex life on the top of your to-do list and experience a rekindling of passion and connection unlike any other.

After a rather long, dull day at work the last thing on your mind when you walk through the door is sex. The very idea of trying to be sexy sounds exhausting. All you want to do is get dinner going, put the kids to sleep, finish up some work tasks, scroll through social media while watching your favorite show, and sleep!

You want to be sexually intimate but there is just no good time

You are not alone; studies show that up to 75% of couples report a lack of time as a major challenge for them in their sex lives.

The truth is that it is less a lack of time and more a lack of prioritization.

How do we know this? Think of how often you’ve had no extra time and yet, when an emergency comes up or a new responsibility is added to your tasks, you are able to move your life around so that you can accommodate it.

The amount of time we have doesn’t change, yet we are consistently changing how we spend it based on our priorities.

The key to rekindling the passion in your marriage is to put sex on the top of your priority list.

Here are 5 tips to get you started 

1. Think about sex

If you’re not the type of person who thinks about sex at various times throughout the day, schedule some time to yourself to fantasize.

Try taking 5 minutes to yourself, close your eyes, and visualize the hottest sex you and your partner have ever had in your relationship together. Immerse yourself in the experience by recalling memories of all five senses.

What did your surroundings look, sound, smell, taste and feel like?

What was it about your partner’s looks, sounds, smell, touch, and taste that made you desire them so intensely? Try really visualizing yourself back at that moment for a full 5 minutes. By doing this on a regular basis you will increase your awareness of your libido and sensuality, thus being more open to sex with your partner.

2. Refrain from masturbating to keep yourself sexually charged

On the other hand, if you are someone who thinks about sex throughout the day, channel that sexual energy directly to your partner. Refrain from masturbating to keep yourself sexually charged, send a dirty text to your partner, schedule a date night, or do that thing your partner can never resist on regular basis.

3. Talk about sex

Some people are under the impression that talking about sex isn’t sexy.

Communication, however, is a crucial part of sex. Although it might produce anxiety at first, the more often you talk about sex, the more likely you’ll find it productive for your sexual satisfaction.

When you do make the effort to talk about sex, make sure it’s not in bed, stick to one topic, and steer clear of any criticism. Instead, make suggestions or share what you really love that they do to promote more of what’s good.

For example, instead of saying, “I don’t like it when you move your hands all over my body so quickly” you can say, “I think it would be really sexy if you touched me all over very slowly and sensually”.

4. Sex rituals

A big part of sex is rejoicing in that intimate connection and closeness with each other that is unlike any other relationship in your life.

In a long term relationship, spending time together is necessary in order to reawaken, or maintain, the level of intimacy you want to have. In order to keep connected, it is important to create periodic rituals together.

Daily rituals include activities like having your morning coffee together or eating dinner together each night while giving each other your undivided attention.

Weekly rituals may be a regularly scheduled date night, taking a class together, or engaging in an activity together. Monthly rituals can be things like a day free from the kids where you have a babysitter come for 8 to 12 hours while you two reconnect.

5. Reinforce your loving feelings for each other

A great quarterly or yearly ritual is a weekend getaway without the kids. Being intentional about your relationship rituals will help to reinforce your loving feelings for each other which is a powerful way to stimulate arousal.

6. Create opportunities

Our overscheduled lives do not leave much room for the opportunity to have sex. Take a look at your schedule and notice how much time has been devoted to your relationship. You have work, friends, family, and your side hustle all scheduled in but what about your love life?

Clear a part of your schedule to make time for intimacy and the enjoyment of your partner. 

7. Sex therapy

When you have tried to make sex a priority and it is just not working it is time to seek professional assistance. A sex therapist is will have the education, experience, and expertise you need to re-ignite your hope for change and assist you in working through any emotional blocks that may be preventing sex from happening regularly.