15 Ways Sleeping in Separate Beds Can Improve Your Sex Life

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How far are you ready to go to enhance your sex life?

Many couples are trying numerous things to keep the fire burning between them, but here is a simple one, try sleeping apart. That is right, the so-called “sleep divorce” is a real thing, and apparently, it can improve the quality of a couple’s sex life. 

Here’s a look at how sleeping in separate beds may benefit your relationship.

What happens when couples stop sleeping together

Many sleep-related studies have been conducted to show the importance of proper sleep. However, recently, sex and sleep have become completely new areas for research, and it seems that everybody has an opinion about it.

Sharing a bed every night seems normal for couples or married people who live together. You go to sleep and wake up together as a part of your routine. Sleeping together increases intimacy and togetherness, making people feel good. However, only some agree with this.

This is because there are many reasons why you may not be getting a good night’s sleep, and one could be your partner’s habits. For instance, if they toss and turn all night or get up and eat snacks in the middle of the night, this could cause them to lose valuable sleep.

Why married couples should sleep in separate beds

Sex can improve sleep, but can sleep impact our sex life?

For example, if one partner has sleep disturbances, it hinders the other person’s sleep, and even a study showed that problems in sleep and the relationship could occur simultaneously.

So, some prefer sleeping alone because they do not need to listen to their partner snoring, talking, mumbling, or even kicking them in the middle of the night. In some cases, partners have different sleep-wake cycles, or their sleep schedule differs due to their jobs, etc.

Those are why, for some people, sleeping separately is the only option to get some rest and avoid arguments. Also, sleeping in different beds can help improve your sex life.

Waking up well-rested means that you will be in the right mood to be close to your partner, which will certainly not be the case after a sleepless night due to snoring. When you look at the bigger picture, sacrificing your nights together could benefit the long run.

Also, something is exciting in the fact that you cannot sleep every night next to your partner. That answers how sleeping in separate beds creates more intimacy.

5 advantages of sleeping apart in marriage

Sleeping apart for a couple can seem harsh, but it can come with its set of advantages and disadvantages. Here are some advantages to sleeping separately from a spouse:

1. You may get better sleep

There’s a chance that you may get better sleep when you are sleeping in separate beds from your partner. 

You may not have to worry about tossing and turning, and you won’t be awakened by another person getting up to go to the bathroom or kitchen in the middle of the night. This can lead to you getting the proper amount of rest every night.

2. You don’t have to share blankets

Something else that may be an issue of why your wife wants to sleep in separate rooms is that you need help sharing covers or blankets. 

When you are sleeping in a space that is all your own, you can have all the blankets, and you won’t have to share. This is something that can keep you cozy and comfortable throughout the night.

3. You won’t hear snoring

You may also be interested in sleeping separately if one of you snores and the other doesn’t. 

For instance, if your spouse keeps you awake every night with their snoring and this makes you have a terrible night’s sleep, having your own space to get some rest may be required.

Related Reading: Best Ways to Deal with Snoring in a Relationship

4. You can take up as much space as you want

Have you ever wanted to take up all the space in your bed? You can do this when you are sleeping in separate beds. You won’t have to save some space for your spouse or anyone else so that you can sleep however you want.

In other words, you should be able to find a position that allows you to be comfortable since you won’t have to sacrifice any space.

5. You can get up on your schedule

You may need to sleep separately from your partner because you have a different schedule than them. They may need to get up early to go to work when they can sleep in for a few hours.

If you aren’t awakened by them getting up and getting ready to start their day, this could give you all the quality rest you need. You also won’t have to go to sleep at the same time that they do.

5 disadvantages of sleeping apart in marriage

On the other hand, there are reasons why separate rooms in marriage may be a negative thing.

1. You are apart from one another

It may make you feel better when someone sleeps next to you. This could make you feel safe and cozy. When they are not there and you are sleeping in separate beds, this could cause you to feel uneasy or make it more difficult to get comfortable.

Think about how you feel when your spouse isn’t home for the night and you go to bed without them. Does this bother you or do you appreciate having the bed to yourself? This can tell you whether or not you may like to sleep in separate beds.

2. You need to be in the same space

Being in the same place is a way to keep your bond strong. When you are away from each other, especially if this happens every night, this can cause you not to be as comfortable with each other when you see them.

Also, you may have to spend more time together outside your bedroom to stay connected.

3. You should be sleeping together

For some people, sleeping in the same bed together is what you thought would happen when you married. If you aren’t doing this, it may cause you to feel like sleeping in separate bedrooms and divorce go hand in hand.

Although this doesn’t have to be the case, if this is how you feel, make sure you talk to your partner about your sleeping arrangements.

4. Could impact intimacy

Again, when you aren’t in the same place for long periods, this can impact your intimacy with each other. 

For instance, many people talk to each other before bed or may kiss each other goodnight. These things may go undone when your spouse sleeps in a separate room.

5. Could diminish the sexual connection

Besides intimacy, your sexual connection may be diminished. Overall, it may be difficult to find the right time and place to have sex with each other when you are sleeping in separate beds.

Whether you decide to sleep apart or not, this is something that you should figure out ahead of time so your sexual relationship with each other doesn’t suffer. You likely don’t want to have a sexless marriage in separate bedrooms.

5 factors to consider when deciding to sleep apart

Before you decide that you want to sleep separately, consider these factors. They may help you make a decision.

1. If your sleep is impacted

When your sleep has been heavily impacted and it is causing you to be unable to get through your day as you need to, sleeping in a different space from your spouse may be one course of action to take.

There may be several reasons you can’t sleep in the same area as your spouse, so think about why this may be the case.

2. If you are fighting more

Anytime you notice that you are fighting more and it may be related to your sleeping schedule or not being able to sleep next to one another, you need to think about this. 

Are you mad at each other or has sleeping beside your partner become hard to do?

3. If you are overstressed

When you are not getting enough sleep, this can cause you to become stressed. If you are stressed, this can impact all aspects of your life. Think about how much sleep you get and note if you have been more irritable and tired lately.

Try to sleep somewhere else and see if some of the stress is alleviated.

Related Reading: 20 Causes of Stress in Relationships and Its Effects

4. If it is affecting your relationship

Do you ever feel mad at your partner because they were snoring all night or took all the covers? This can affect your relationship negatively. 

You probably don’t want to have remorse for your spouse, so this is when you should consider doing something about it.

5. If you don’t know what else to do

It is important to get the right amount of sleep. If you are not getting it and are sure it is because you need a room or space to yourself, this is an approach you may want to try. 

It may help you get the sleep you need; if it doesn’t, you can think about other available options.

15 ways on how sleeping separately can improve your sex life in marriage

There are several ways that sleeping in separate beds can improve your sex life and possibly your marriage.

1. Could improve how much you sleep

You may see a difference in how much you can sleep and the quality of sleep you get. You won’t be bothered by someone looking at their phone, tossing and turning, or anything else. This could provide you with uninterrupted sleep each night.

2. May make you miss your spouse

You may start to miss your spouse when you sleep apart from them, in a good way. This can allow you to appreciate your partner more since you aren’t with them all the time and they aren’t making you upset while they are asleep.

Think of the old saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder and you will likely understand.

According to Danica Mitchell, an experienced sex therapist:

Having space allows you to long for your partner. Missing them might be just the thing to spice things up.

3. You may feel well rested

Getting enough rest each night can allow you to feel less tired overall. 

For instance, getting 6-8 hours of sleep every night can give you all the energy you need to get through your days when previously you may have needed a lot of caffeine to make it to the end of the day.

For more information on sleeping and how to get the best sleep, watch this video: 

4. Stress could lessen

You may see a reduction in your stress as well. Getting the right amount of sleep can cause you to see less stress, which can be good for your health and your wellness.

With less stress, you can also easily handle all the issues that come up in your day-to-day life.

5. Sleeping won’t lead to fights

When you are sleeping in separate beds, this means fighting about sleeping habits shouldn’t occur. You will not have to argue about snoring or who is taking up most of the bed.

Without these disagreements, you may have better harmony with one another and be better able to get along.

6. You can still interact with each other

Just because you aren’t sleeping in the same bed, this doesn’t mean that you can’t still spend time together. You can still meet in bed to talk or eat snacks before sleep. Together you can determine what the rules are around your sleeping arrangements.

7. You can still be intimate

Being intimate with each other is also possible, although it may take a couple more minutes of planning. It is important to always communicate with your partner and let them know what you are thinking and how you feel about them. Then it won’t matter where you want to be intimate with them, your bed or theirs.

Therapist Danica Mitchell further shares:

Having separate beds allows you to invite your partner over, making it more special and less routine.

8. You can choose your quality time

You can also concentrate on having quality time with your mate. Since you know you will sleep apart all night, you can concentrate on making other moments special. For instance, you can have a special dinner together each week or watch a movie every Friday. It is up to you.

Related Reading: 15 Reasons Why Quality Time Is So Important in a Relationship

9. You have your own space

Having your own space can be quite important, especially if there is no area in your house that you consider your own. When you sleep apart from each other, not only does this give you a place to sleep, but it can give you a place to read books, check out your social media sites, and much more.

Related Reading: 15 Tips on How to Create Space in Your Relationship

10. You may feel better about your relationship

If sleeping in the same bed is causing problems with your relationship, you may feel more positive about your marriage once you start sleeping apart. Remember that you can also take marriage courses online anytime you want to if you need help strengthening your marriage.

11. Could make you healthier

Besides just helping with your stress level, getting adequate sleep can also help you stay well and healthier. With proper sleep, you are less likely to get sick, which could be something that helps you make up your mind.

Also, sleeping properly may help you make better food choices, which can also help improve your health.

12. Could help you get along better with your spouse

Having a little space between you and your spouse could improve your relationship. This works for many couples, and there isn’t anything wrong with it. 

If you and your partner decide that you don’t want to sleep in the same bed, this could provide you both with a bit of space so that you can appreciate each other more.

13. May help improve your mood

Sleeping apart can help your mood. This is true not just because it can allow you to get the sleep you need, but since you are in bed by yourself, you don’t have to wake up mad at anyone or because of anyone. This can help you improve your mood. 

Sleeping well can also allow you to deal better with your emotions and feelings.

14. Doesn’t take away any love

There’s no reason to think you will stop loving someone because you are not sleeping in the same bed. 

Some couples say they love each other more when they sleep in their own areas. No one can tell you the right thing for your marriage, and it is up to you and your spouse.

15. You can change your mind

One of the best things about sleeping in separate beds is that you can change your mind anytime. If you decide that you don’t want to sleep apart from your spouse anymore, all you have to do is share the bed again. You can change this at any time and for any reason.

Some commonly asked questions

Sleeping apart might seem extreme and unromantic to some but it can have its own benefits. Answers to certain questions regarding this can help enhance your love life. 

• What percentage of married couples sleep in separate rooms?

It is estimated that around 25% of all couples in America sleep in separate bedrooms or away from one another. This may help your relationship if you often have problems sleeping at night or your partner keeps you awake when you need rest.

• Why do married couples sleep in separate beds?

There are many reasons why married couples sleeping separately may be the case. For one, they may have different schedules, which causes them to need to rest at different times. Another reason is that one partner wakes up often at night and makes too much noise while the other person is sleeping.

• Should married couples sleep in separate beds?

Some experts feel like sleeping in different rooms may be something that your marriage can benefit from. However, it is up to you and your spouse to determine if this is something that you would like to try.

Final takeaway

Please discuss this with your spouse to see what they think when you are thinking about sleeping in separate beds. This article talks about the advantages and drawbacks of doing this, and you may decide if it is worth trying.