How to Have Better Sex in a Marriage: 20 Helpful Tips

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Is there a lack of sex in your marriage?

A lot of married couples have been there at least once. But there are tangible ways and tips for better sex in marriage and reigniting the passion in your lackluster sex life. 

Don’t give up hope on improving sex in marriage. If you constantly ask, “How to have better sex in a marriage?” then making genuine efforts towards building a certain level of comfort, having fun, and shaking up your between-the-sheets routine can go a long way. 

Learning ways to improve marital sex is not as daunting a task as it might seem.

Sex and physical intimacy come naturally in a relationship; with time, a couple might lose their spark somewhat, but it doesn’t have to vanish. All you have to do is work to rediscover the passion you once shared with your partner to make sex better in marriage.

Why sex is important in a marriage

Sex is often a human need. However, it is not just about the need or the fun of the activity. Sex is associated with a healthy body and mind. 

Every orgasm is known to release oxytocin, which is also known as the love hormone. The hormone is known to help improve heart health, reduce stress, limit the risk of mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety, and improve sleep quality. 

Sex also improves intimacy and promotes cuddling and snuggling, which are likely to make you feel closer to your partner. Sex tips that make sex better for you and your partner can help you improve your physical and mental health.

But is learning how to have better sex in a marriage all that important?

Sex may not be the only factor in a happy and healthy marriage, but sex is important to a happy marriage due to the psychological and physical benefits of sex.

5 signs of a healthy sex life

To understand the importance of learning how to have better sex in a marriage, you might have to understand the place that sex holds in a relationship. It is an important aspect of most relationships and a complacent attitude towards it can harm the relationship in the long run. 

A sexual husband and wife must assess their relationship and make changes if their sex life is not meeting the mark for either or both of them. These signs can allow you to determine whether healthy sex with your wife or husband is maintained in your relationship. 

1. You can express your desires

Healthy sexuality in marriage becomes obvious when both partners can express their sexual desires and needs to their partner. It is a mark of comfort and a healthy communication pattern. 

By expressing what you need to improve for your sexual satisfaction, you can guide your partner about what you truly need. It can improve your sexual understanding of each other, instead of allowing assumptions to lead you in the wrong direction. 

Related Reading: What Makes a Man Desire a Woman Sexually: 10 Things

2. You feel confident about your body

Great sex in marriage can help you feel more confident about yourself and your body. It can boost your confidence and curb the insecurities that might plague you. 

3. You change things when required

Married sex life is healthier when the couple actively tries to keep changing things as per their sexual needs and desires. The openness to change can stop complacency or sexual misunderstandings from negatively affecting the relationship. 

4. You have fun together

Married sex life is better when both partners have fun and enjoy having sex with each other. When it is better marriage sex, it is not a task. Instead, the couple explores more ways to relish having sex with their spouse. 

5. You make plans 

Sex during marriage might not always be spontaneous, but if both partners try to schedule sex from time to time, they can make sure that complacency doesn’t destroy their sex life. Instead of waiting for the perfect moment for sex, they take the initiative and create it for themself. 

20 tips on how to have better sex for men and women

Now that you know the many health benefits of sex and its importance in a happy and healthy marriage, it is time to think about how to get better at sex. 

Maybe you and your spouse have hit a roadblock when it comes to sex life in marriage, or maybe you just wish to spice things up in the bedroom. Either way, these sex tips for a better sex life can help you.

1. Tell them how to turn you on

Turning your partner on is the first step of what makes sex better. Talk to your partner, and tell them what you like and what turns you on. This makes things easier for them and helps them enjoy sex.

Dr. Jennifer Jacobsen, Ph.D. in Psychology, says

As with other areas of a relationship, communication plays a primary role in a healthy sex life.

2. Turn chores into foreplay

You can spice things up by doing something romantic and nice for your partner – turn chores into foreplay. 

Research has found that some partners are likely to find sex more enjoyable with their partners if they help around the house. You can make anything sexy, even washing dishes, if you do it right. Make the most of the opportunity if you wonder how to have better sex in a marriage.

Related Reading: 30 Foreplay Ideas That Will Surely Spice up Your Sex Life

3. Do not worry about penetrative sex

Some people can worry a lot about penetrative sex, and some experts say that they can stress themselves out so much that it affects their sexual abilities. 

Try not to worry about it so much. You can indulge in other things, such as oral sex and other enjoyable things for you and your partner. When you do not stress about it, it is likely to happen in the best ways.

4. Check your diet

What you eat can greatly impact your sex drive and how you perform in bed. Checking your diet and including foods that help you boost your stamina and sex drive is one of the most important tips for better sex. 

Good sex in marriage is possible if you have foods rich in proteins and antioxidants that help boost your sexual performance.

5. Take your time undressing

Your partner may enjoy the process of undressing you, which might boost the sexual experience for both of you. One of the ways to have better sex is to be sexy but slow with the process of undressing. It might help release more oxytocin and lead to more passion between the sheets.

6. Make it last

Many people are unaware of how long the sex should be and often think their partners have unrealistic expectations of them. 

According to a study,  sex therapists state a desirable length of time for sex to last is between 7 and 13 minutes.  If you make sessions last about this long, it will likely be the most enjoyable for you and your partner.

7. Watch porn together

A popular misconception is that couples cannot enjoy watching porn together. 

If you are in a relationship, it would be great to let that misconception go and consider watching porn with your partner. It can increase your comfort levels and help you find out what you want to try in the bedroom.

Related Reading: Is Porn Bad or Good? Understanding the Divide

8. Take control of your breath

When they train you for a sport, one of the most important things they teach you is to take control of your breath. Breathing is one of the most essential better sex techniques. It helps you last in bed longer and keeps up your stamina.

9. Turn the lights on

Have you heard that some people are more visual than others?

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, I bet you know that study finds that many people are visual beings. This is especially true for men. Because of this, it only makes sense to leave the lights on during sex would heighten the experience. 

10. Increase intimacy

Increasing physical intimacy is directly linked with emotional intimacy. Give your spouse enough time, talk to them, take them out on dates, and keep the romance alive. This is likely to reflect in your sex life as well. 

If you wonder how to make sex better, focusing on intimacy is one of the most critical steps.

Dr. Jacobsen says,

People often think that sex is just about physical gratification, but emotional intimacy outside of the bedroom can have a profound impact on a couple’s sex life.

11. Have sex more often

There are a couple of things that happen when you make sex a priority.

The first is that the more you have sex, the more you will want it. Second, it should get increasingly better.

How to improve sex in marriage? Sex is a physical activity. And just like any other physical activity, you must practice improving.

To improve sex in marriage, you must be intentional about it. It is one of the most powerful tips for better sex.

When you do, your partner will begin to know your body more, and you will begin to know your partner. Once you know how to navigate each other’s bodies and how to push each other over the orgasmic edge, that is when sex becomes amazing.

Related Reading: Why Do People Have Sex: 20 Reasons

12. Speak openly and have a productive sex conversation

Having an open, honest conversation about your sex life is vital. That’s one of the simplest tips for better sex.

Sex can improve in any relationship, but both must voice their needs without embarrassment. Being vocal about needs is one of the key tips for better sex and a happy relationship.

13. Try your best to look and taste great

Some people are known to enjoy oral sex. However, some factors, including bad hygiene, can make it less pleasurable for you and your partner. 

Try your best to look great for your partner and maintain good hygiene. Then, when they enjoy it, you will likely feel more comfortable and enjoy it too!

14. Listen

Your partner will also have specific things they like, and listening to these can solve half your problems. If you wonder how to perform better in bed, the answer might lie with your partner. 

Listen to your spouse about what they like to do and what they enjoy being done to them. This will help you make them feel more loved and appreciated between the sheets.

Related Reading: 15 Reasons Why Your Spouse Doesn’t Listen to You

15. Create a mood   

Good music, nice-smelling candles, dim lights – all scream a good night of intimacy! Create a mood and see that you feel more confident, in love, and passionate about having sex with your partner. When both of you are into it, there is little chance that something will go wrong.

Related Reading: 25 Ways to Get Him in the Mood

16. Experiment with positions

Tell your partner you want to experiment with positions and try to find the one that is the most stimulating to you. Trying new positions can also help spice things up for him and will keep you both on your toes, sometimes, literally.

17. Ask your partner to touch you everywhere

Touching with a lubricant such as oil can help boost a person’s sex drive. Ask your partner to touch your body, especially where you like being touched. This will likely turn you on and make better married sex a reality.

18. Identify your needs

It is essential to communicate your needs to your partner. However, to be able to do that, you need to identify them first. Knowing what you want sexually helps you ask for it and enjoy sex more. So, if you want to be better at sex, identify your sexual needs.

You can enter into marital counseling to better understand your sexual needs and how to achieve these with your partner. 

19. Take charge

One of the essential tips for a better sex life is to take charge. Do not wait for your partner to initiate sex; instead, do it yourself whenever you feel like it. There is nothing wrong with wanting sex and asking your partner for it. 

Many people find it sexy when their partner takes charge. So, improving sex in marriage is possible if you take the initiative. 

20. Stay healthy

Staying healthy is one of the ways to be better at sex. You will likely show it in the bedroom when you feel healthy and happy about your body. So get comfortable with your body and maintain good physical and mental health for better sex.

Watch this video to learn more about the role of food in being healthy:

Some commonly asked questions

Sex is an important part of most relationships that can cause significant discontent if not given importance. If your marriage is going through some sexual problems, here are some key questions and their answers that can assist you. 

What causes a lack of sex in a marriage?

There can be several reasons why a married couple is no longer having sex. These might be interpersonal issues like unresolved fights, resentment, complacency, boredom or losing sexual interest in your partner. 

Lack of sex could also be due to medical reasons, age-related changes to the libido, or side effects of certain medicines.

Is it normal to lose your sex drive in a marriage?

The sex drives of married couples can fluctuate throughout their marriage. However, if it disappears totally for a significant period, then this is a cause for concern. 

Dr. Jacobsen adds,

Fortunately, underlying issues related to lack of sexual desire can typically be resolved.

The bottom line   

Apart from the ones mentioned above, there can be numerous other ways to improve sex in marriage. Sex is an essential component of a romantic relationship and is not a tough nut to crack. 

Knowing what you like, telling your partner about it, and ensuring sexual compatibility can help you improve your sex life and keep the spark alive between you.