How to Be Good Partners in Parenting

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For any parent who has a child, the goal is to ensure they become responsible, healthy, and successful adults. No parent wants to raise a child they would not be proud of, which can be avoided if the child is raised in the right way and by the right people.

Not everyone is familiar with the idea of partners in parenting. In this piece, we will be talking about what parenting partnerships mean and all it involves.

What is the meaning of a parenting team?

A parenting team is a joint commitment between two people to nurture the child to the point where they can be responsible for themselves. 

When it comes to partners in parenting, each person has a special role in the child’s upbringing. However, this does not rule out that there are still general roles that each parenting team member will play.

Daniela Teubert and Martin Pinquart from the Phillips University of Marburg worked on a research study titled: Coparenting- Parents Team-Work in Child Rearing. This study explores the multifaceted constructs centered on parents’ collective efforts in child-rearing. 

Who are those on your parenting team?

Primarily, a parenting team should constitute both parents or guardians. In addition, however, people like grandparents, teachers, counselors, coaches, and other concerned adults can be on the parenting team. 

The robust support system that a parenting team provides would facilitate the smooth raising of the child. In addition, it makes the task of parenting less tedious for each person involved.

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How is a good parenting partnership formed?

Parenting relationships are essential in supporting the children and establishing a firm foundation to ensure they undergo proper and sound development. 

With proper parenting in place, the children would identify and acknowledge that the parent team surrounding them has certain qualities. These qualities will guide them in making crucial decisions like the type of friends to keep, etc.

Darlene Powell’s book titled: Team-Spirited Parenting explores some essential principles that make parenting a success. 

In this webinar with Amy McCready, parents are taught how to use various parenting tips and solutions when they are faced with tough situations

Obstacles that hinder a parenting partnership

Even though partners in parenting sound like a great idea, some hitches can prevent it from working smoothly. These obstacles are not intentionally pitted against each other, but they exist because of their peculiarities. Hence, there are times when a conflict of interest will occur.

Some of the obstacles are mentioned below.

1. The adults

Adults can make parenting as a team difficult due to different reasons. For instance, one parent might be dissatisfied with the abysmal parenting choice of the other parties. Also, if one parent seems to be avoiding their duties, it can cause conflicts between the partners in parenting.

2. The children

Children can also act as obstacles in a parenting partnership when there are similarities, preferences, and the likes. Parents can avoid this by putting their emotions and personal opinions aside to ensure that they are brought up impartially.

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3. The family

When the whole family is involved in parenting, it can become overwhelming for the adults involved and the child. Everyone would want to have parenting decisions in how the child is brought up, and if there is no understanding, it can hinder a smooth parenting partnership.

Effects of children on effective team parenting

Children have an impact on team parenting, and it is usually subconscious. Once these effects are spotted, it is important to correct them to not affect the adults parenting together.

Here are some of the effects that children have on good team parenting

1. The child’s birth position

It is possible for the adults to be sentimental towards one child over the others, probably because they can identify peculiar similarities. For instance, a child’s birth position can determine the way parents treat them.

If an adult was the last child in their family while growing up, they could give preferential treatment to the lastborn child that they are parenting. This special treatment can cause conflicts between partners in parenting.

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2. The child’s temperament

Also, if the child’s temperament is the same as one of the parents’, they might be given special treatment. On the other hand, the parent might be at loggerheads with the child when they both share some negative traits.

3. The child’s preference of a particular parent

A child might prefer one parent to the other and even show it regularly. In this case, good partners will understand, and they will not see it as a threat. 

However, if a parenting partner does not understand, they will see the favored partner as a threat, so conflict can set in.

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8 tips to ensure effective team parenting

Partners in parenting need to work together in providing the children with support and a firm foundation for proper raising.

Here are some tips to help team parenting become effective

1. Set a parenting goal

One of the first things a parenting team needs to put in place is a goal for the child. Important objectives should be set like: The kind of adult you want the child to be, the value system you want the child to imbibe, etc. 

When it comes to setting a parenting goal, each parent must have something to contribute. More so, all decisions should be unanimous.

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2. Settle differences in private, not in the presence of the children

Some parents make the mistake of resolving scores where the children are. When you do this regularly, you are subconsciously allowing the children to pick sides. 

This is one of the reasons why some children are vocal about their preferred parent. When you have differences with the parent, call them aside and resolve the conflict where no one is watching.

3. Don’t try new parenting approaches without informing others

It is normal for you to be brimming with ideas on how to train your child. However, if there are other parents involved, it is advisable to seek their consent at best before going ahead. 

Even though they are likely to object, make them see why it would be great for the child’s development.

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Bringing such ideas or strategies to their notice is much better than not informing them because each adult has a pivotal role in the child’s upbringing. Sometimes, your ideas might need some polishing, and when you discuss with co-parents, they might help brush it up.

4. Don’t avoid responsibilities

If there are several people on the parenting team, do your best not to evade responsibilities. Partners in parenting are expected to always rise to the occasion when the need arises. 

Similarly, when there are problems, do not fizzle out and expect other co-parents to handle them. You need to give your input that will help to handle issues when they happen.

5. Create time to discuss with other parents

It is important to set a schedule that allows you to discuss with other parents concerning the child. 

You need to know what other parents are thinking so that you will be on the same page. Such meetings can come up once in a week or two weeks, depending on everyone’s availability. Similarly, the meetings should not be in anyone’s interest but the child’s.

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6. Show the children love

One of the primary needs of a child is love, and the partners in parenting have to show them love regularly. This can be exhibited by letting the child know how much they mean to you. It can start off with regular hugs, getting their favorite gifts, etc.

When you love a child, it doesn’t mean that they should not be disciplined when they do something wrong. 

The child needs to be disciplined in a loving way to desist from their wrong acts. No parents on the parenting team should be biased with the child and turn a blind eye to their wrongdoings.

7. Make parenting a safe haven for the child

Your child needs to be able to look forward to everyone on the parenting team as a safe spot for them. 

Every parent should show the child that they are readily available to attend to the child’s needs. Children who grow up to have good mental health are raised by parents who are warm and sensitive.

8. Set rules and boundaries for the child

It is easy to control your child’s behaviors and excesses when they are young. As they get older, it becomes more difficult. The partners in parenting need to agree on what the child should do and what should be avoided. 

These rules would help to shape the child into the kind of adult that everyone expects. When the child defaults on these rules, certain disciplinary measures should be spelled out.

David Schramm’s article titled: Parenting- Success requires a team effort highlights that for parenting to be successful, the inputs of the whole parenting team are important. 

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Conclusion

Partners in parenting are essential for a child’s growth and development. Children must grow with good values and morals that make them responsible adults in society. This can be achieved when all hands are on deck and every parent works together as a team.