What Is Healthy Narcissism? Signs, Causes and Examples

When we hear the term narcissism, we can’t help but associate it with negative words like manipulative, abusive, and fear.

Adding the word ‘healthy’ isn’t really the word we’d associate narcissism with.

However, did you know that the word healthy narcissism actually exists?

As the name suggests, healthy narcissism can be good for us. 

It could be associated with self-esteem and confidence, but they also differ.

You’d be surprised to know all about healthy narcissism and even the difference it has with the well-known characteristics of narcissism as a personality disorder.

How do you define healthy narcissism?

What is narcissism? How do we define narcissism, and when is it good or bad?

We view narcissism as extreme self-love to the extent that the person (narcissist) no longer values what other people feel.

Now, NPD, or the diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, is when a person shows arrogance, is manipulative, and lacks empathy for others.

As you can see, all of the aforementioned seems negative. So, how do we define healthy narcissism?

Unlike NPD or unhealthy narcissism, a healthy form of narcissism includes empathy, concern, and being able to prioritize your needs and wants.

It’s when you can take pleasure in yourself, your achievements, and your traits. It’s when you feel joy with how you look and what you can do and know your worth without using or hurting other people.

Healthy narcissism, when used properly, could be beneficial for us. It could help us grow, achieve our dreams, and keep us moving.

5 signs of healthy narcissism

How do you know if you’re confident or already exhibiting narcissism symptoms?

Of course, we need to know what are the symptoms of a narcissist healthily so as not to confuse it with NPD.

Don’t worry because the symptoms or signs are totally different. Here are just five of them.

1. Knows their self-worth

People with healthy narcissism don’t need to be a showoff. They have a sense of confidence and self-esteem that doesn’t need everyone’s approval.

They know what they can offer at the table and are even aware of their weaknesses. They know that their strengths and weaknesses complete them, and they’re not afraid of that.

Since they have a high sense of self-awareness, they become focused on their growth and are not keen to compete with others. They set realistic expectations, learn from their mistakes, and quietly build themselves to succeed.

2. Knows what respect means

People with healthy narcissism value ‘respect’ and think of it as the highest regard for another person. If they see you are worthy of their respect, they will give it to you wholeheartedly.

Even though they exhibit stubbornness with what they believe in, they still know how to value and respect another person’s beliefs.

They are good at listening and even contemplating different views and ideas. Respect, commitment, and being flexible are just some of the admirable traits of people with healthy narcissism.

So, don’t be surprised to see people with healthy narcissism become CEOs and business owners.

3. Firm with their beliefs

Now that we are aware of narcissism definition, you might find healthy narcissism to differ from the NPD that we all know.

People with healthy narcissism are flexible, but since they believe in themselves, they also know when not to bend.

As we explain narcissism healthily, we’ll see that people can be flexible when needed.

However, if it’s for pleasing others, giving in to unhealthy requests, or if they feel they are being taken advantage of, then no, you won’t easily bend a person with healthy narcissism.

They won’t hesitate to leave if they feel like the situation is no longer healthy. They are also not afraid to lose people who only bring toxicity to their lives.

4. Works hard for approval

People who have mature or healthy narcissism respect and believe in themselves. They wouldn’t want to go the ‘easy’ way, whether for relationships, work, business, or even their studies.

They don’t just feed on entitlement. They work hard for what they want and earn every approval they get.

If they want something, they won’t scheme for it. That would go against their values and will hurt their self-respect. Instead, they set goals and do their best to earn them.

That way, when they do, they could feel proud of themselves and know they deserve every success.

They are also not afraid to ask for help or guidance and even get every piece of advice that could help them be better.

5. Knows how to work with others

Did you know that people who have healthy narcissism love to belong in a team? That’s right. They are a team player because they respect the value of teamwork.

For them, individual success is as great as a team’s success. They will give their effort, contribute, and listen to each teammate because they know each one has valuable input and share for the team’s success.

They are most likely the team leader because of their leadership traits. Keeping the team working as one and producing high-quality outputs is something that a person with healthy narcissism values.

5 possible causes of healthy narcissism

There could be many causes of narcissism. These factors contribute to whether a person turns out with NPD or a healthy sense of narcissism.

In NPD or narcissism treatments, the licensed therapist will dig deeper into the patient’s records, from their childhood, their environment growing up, and so much more.

The therapist can pinpoint the cause of a person’s healthy or unhealthy narcissism.

While we’re pretty much familiar with the causes of NPD, narcissism traits that cause healthy narcissism can still confuse some.

1. Parenting style

We all know that what causes narcissism may be traced to childhood trauma or experiences.

In fact, a child’s self-esteem will be developed based on what they see growing up.

A child who grew up in an environment where parents have open communication, offer support, have love and care and validate their child’s needs will grow up with a healthy amount of narcissism or love and respect for themselves.

Healthy narcissism stems from a childhood where you were taught to believe in yourself, to see your worth, and to allow yourself to work and respect others.

As you grow up, you’ll bring these values and use them as your foundation.

Related Reading: 4 Types of Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Child Development

2. Genes

It happens. Some kids are born confident, assertive, and resilient. Theories suggest that this is due to their genes.

These kids don’t need constant affirmations or comparisons to feel that they are good. They just have this overflowing confidence, and they light up the room whenever they are around.

3. Gender

Did you know that studies show that men are more commonly diagnosed with NPD? This proves that gender, too, plays a big part in narcissism.

Gender, along with their childhood experiences, could lead to a narcissism diagnosis. Even at an early age, boys are expected to lead, be successful, be independent, and emotionally strong.

Girls, on the other hand, are expected to be softer, emotionally focused, nurturing, and considerate.

Related Reading: 11 Examples Of Traditional Gender Roles

4. Cultural background

Depending on a person’s cultural background, they may recognize a person in their society that may lead them to take responsibility, showcasing their healthy narcissism traits.

This may be more common in collectivist cultures where people are encouraged to know their worth and role in society. Knowing their part in their community will give them a sense of pride and healthy narcissism.

5. Environment growing up

A child’s environment plays a huge part in their growth and personality. If a child grows up in a family with healthy emotional development, people to talk to, love, respect, and confidence, then they are most likely to grow up with healthy narcissism.

Children are like sponges. They absorb what they see, feel, and experience. Good or bad, they will learn a lot from their parents, peers, and the grown-ups around them.

Unhealthy narcissism vs. healthy narcissism

It’s nice to know that there is what we call healthy narcissism and that it’s something good to have.

However, not all people can differentiate the healthy and unhealthy narcissism at a glance. Most people think that when you say narcissism, it’s negative, and you’re toxic.

Here, we will dig deeper and compare healthy and unhealthy narcissism.

Let’s talk about the healthy one first. Healthy narcissists are people who take pride in who they are, what they do, what they can offer, and how much care and respect they have.

It’s the total opposite of the people who have NPD. These people don’t care about others and will do anything to gain approval, even if it means ruining other people’s lives, manipulating them, and scheming to get what they want.

Here are more key differences between NPD or unhealthy narcissism and healthy narcissism:

1. Proud vs. Boastful

When a person with healthy narcissism accomplishes something, you feel proud but don’t intend to tell it to the world. You know your worth, and you’re happy with your achievements.

Unhealthy narcissism constantly needs praise and validation, and they are boastful at the slightest achievement. They want to show everyone that they are better than others.

2. Appreciates vs. Demanding

Healthy narcissism is all about appreciating when someone sees what you can do. However, they won’t usually ask for it but would be thankful if you would notice.

People with unhealthy narcissism are focused on seeking praises. They would put so much effort into becoming the center of attention in every situation.

3. Caring vs. Selfishness

If you care about others, give them respect and value, then you have a good sense of healthy narcissism.

However, if you only care about yourself, what’s good for you and your ego, and don’t care about how it affects others, then that’s a sign of NPD. Even a relationship therapist will look for this sign in an individual who lacks empathy, concern, and respect.

Related Reading: What Is the Difference Between Self-Care and Selfishness

4. Empathy vs. Apathetic

Empathy is very important because it’s one factor that makes us human. It’s how we connect with others and feel concerned for them.

People who have unhealthy narcissism do not know what empathy means. In fact, they are apathetic towards other people, even their spouse, family, or friends, if they have any.

Their only focus is on themselves and their ego.

Do you want to learn how to communicate with empathy? Coach Alexander Lyon discusses tips on how we can change how we communicate to practice more empathy.

5. Owning your mistakes vs. Blaming others

We all make mistakes because we’re not perfect. Owning up to these mistakes and doing better the next time is a trait that you will see if you have a healthy sense of narcissism.

NPD causes a person to think of themselves as ‘perfect’ and incapable of making mistakes. If they do, then they will blame other people. This is because they can’t own up to their mistakes and would rather blame others.

6. Healthy relationships vs. Toxic relationships

A person with healthy narcissism is very much capable of having healthy relationships. This includes their family, friends, co-workers, and spouse. They know how to love, understand, care, be a team player, and respect.

It’s the exact opposite of people with NPD. They cannot love because they only think of themselves. It may look like they could, but it’s all for the show. Soon, the toxicity of the relationship will be revealed.

Conclusion

Is this your first time learning about healthy narcissism? It’s nice to understand that there are healthy and unhealthy versions of narcissism.

Too little narcissism is also bad. It makes a person scared to live, filled with fear and with self-esteem. They become too scared to try, take risks, and evolve.

Too much narcissism can be toxic. A person with NPD is consumed with an ego that they can no longer care about the people around them. They become too self-absorbed that they start to break any relationship they build.

What we are learning today is that narcissism should have balance. If we have a healthy amount of narcissism, then we become confident and use this to become better, not just for us, but for the people that we love.

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