9 Signs of Negative Behaviors in a Relationship & How to Deal

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Picture this: Date night. You’re supposed to be enjoying a fun conversation over sizzling fajitas, but instead, every sentence turns into a verbal dodgeball match. One joke lands wrong, a harmless question gets misinterpreted, and before you know it, you’re both flinging metaphorical insults faster than you can say “guacamole.” 

Sound familiar? This constant negativity is a red flag in any relationship.

Negative behavior can range from subtle put-downs to overt hostility, creating a toxic atmosphere that hampers mutual respect, love, and understanding. Recognizing and addressing these behaviors early is key to maintaining the health of your relationship. 

By understanding the signs and impacts of such dynamics, couples can work together to rebuild trust and intimacy, ensuring their relationship remains strong and supportive.

What are negative behaviors in relationships?

Negative behavior in relationships encompasses actions or patterns that harm the bond between partners. This can include emotional manipulation, dishonesty, and disrespect. 

Common examples include constant criticism, where one partner perpetually finds fault with the other, and contempt, such as mocking or sarcastic remarks. 

Additionally, defensiveness, refusing to acknowledge issues or accept feedback, and stonewalling, the act of withdrawing from interactions to avoid conflict, are clear indicators of negativity. 

These behaviors create a hostile environment, hinder mutual respect, and prevent the emotional intimacy and growth necessary for a successful relationship.

9 signs of negative behaviors in a relationship

Identifying negative behavior in a relationship is crucial for maintaining a healthy partnership. Recognizing these signs early can prevent deeper issues and facilitate the process of changing behavior in a relationship. 

Here are nine key examples of negative behavior that can indicate serious problems between partners.

1. Constant criticism

Constant criticism involves frequently finding fault or focusing excessively on the perceived shortcomings of a partner. This negative behavior can undermine self-esteem and contribute to a feeling of being unvalued and misunderstood.

• For example: No matter how well something is done, one partner consistently finds faults and rarely acknowledges the other’s achievements or efforts.

2. Contempt

Contempt is expressed through sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling, sneering, mockery, or hostile humor. It is particularly destructive as it conveys disgust and a lack of respect, which can deeply hurt and alienate a partner.

• For example: One partner often uses sarcasm and mocking tones during arguments, making statements like, “Oh, sure, you’re always perfect,” showing a lack of respect.

3. Defensiveness

Defensiveness in a relationship manifests as a habitual response to criticism or complaints with excuses, explanations, or counterattacks. This behavior prevents effective communication and problem-solving as it often involves not taking responsibility for one’s actions.

• For example: When criticized for not contributing enough at home, one partner retorts with, “I do a lot more than you notice,” instead of addressing the issue.

4. Stonewalling

Stonewalling occurs when one partner completely withdraws from interactions, shutting down dialogues and making resolving conflicts impossible. This often happens during arguments where the stonewalling partner might ignore the other, walk away, or simply refuse to engage.

• For example: In response to disputes, one partner shuts down completely, refusing to talk or engage, leaving the other feeling abandoned.

5. Manipulation

Manipulation involves using emotional tools to control or influence a partner’s behavior. This can include guilt-tripping, shaming, or using fear to compel them to do something against their will, undermining their autonomy and sense of agency.

• For example: One partner often uses emotional guilt-tripping, saying things like, “If you cared about me, you wouldn’t do this,” to influence the other’s decisions.

6. Dishonesty

Dishonesty not only includes lying but also withholding information, deceiving, or bending the truth. Regular dishonesty chips away at the trust that is essential for a secure and healthy relationship.

• For example: One partner frequently lies about their whereabouts or activities, eroding trust over time.

7. Jealousy

While a small amount of jealousy can be normal, excessive or irrational jealousy can act as a poison in relationships, leading to controlling behaviors, constant questioning, and a suffocating atmosphere for the relationship.

• For example: Excessive possessiveness is shown by one partner, such as demanding to know who the other is texting and getting upset about any social interactions with others.

8. Disrespect

Disrespect can be evident in how one partner talks to the other, disregards their partner’s feelings, opinions, or boundaries, or how they publicly demean them. Disrespect creates a lack of safety and acceptance in the relationship.

• For example: During social gatherings, one partner makes belittling comments about the other’s ideas or interests, often embarrassing them in front of others.

9. Hostility

Frequent anger or hostility can manifest as aggressiveness, tempers flaring over trivial matters, or ongoing bitterness, which creates a hostile living environment. This not only damages the relationship but also affects the emotional well-being of both partners.

• For example: Minor irritations quickly escalate into yelling or harsh criticisms over simple household tasks, creating a perpetually tense environment.

5 ways negative behavior affects relationships

Understanding how negative behavior impacts relationships is crucial for maintaining a healthy partnership. Negative actions and attitudes can subtly undermine the strongest bonds, leading to long-term issues that may not be easily resolved. Identifying these impacts can help couples address problems early and maintain a supportive, loving environment.

1. Erodes trust

Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, and negative behaviors such as lying, betrayal, or inconsistency in words and actions can rapidly erode that trust. Once trust is compromised, it can be very difficult to rebuild, leading to suspicion and doubt that can overshadow genuine interactions.

2. Lowers self-esteem

When one partner constantly criticizes or belittles the other, it can lead to significant drops in self-esteem. This might result in feelings of unworthiness and insecurity, affecting the individual’s mental health and their ability to contribute positively to the relationship.

3. Blocks intimacy

Negative behavior in a relationship, like contempt, lack of respect, or emotional withdrawal, can create a significant barrier to intimacy. Both emotional and physical intimacy may decline as partners feel less safe and less valued by each other, reducing their desire to connect on deeper levels.

4. Creates anxiety

Living in an environment where negative behaviors in relationships are common can lead to chronic stress and anxiety. This constant state of tension can prevent both partners from feeling relaxed and happy in the relationship, and may even lead to physical health problems over time.

5. Promotes resentment

Ongoing negative behavior, especially when not addressed, can lead to deep-seated resentment between partners. This resentment can fester and manifest as anger, frustration, and disengagement, making it harder to enjoy shared moments and work together as a team.

5 reasons for negative behavior in a relationship

Understanding the root causes of negative behavior in relationships is crucial for fostering healthier, more supportive partnerships. By exploring these causes, couples can better address the issues that lead to conflict and emotional distance. 

Here we look at five primary reasons why negative behavior may emerge between partners.

1. Past traumas

Individuals may carry emotional scars from previous relationships or childhood experiences that impact their behavior in current relationships. These unresolved issues can manifest as defensive mechanisms or examples of negative behavior, often unconsciously.

• For instance: A person who grew up in a household where there was frequent conflict and lack of warmth may find themselves unable to trust their partners fully. They might react defensively or withdraw emotionally at the first sign of conflict, mimicking the protective behaviors they learned as children.

2. Stress and pressure

External pressures such as job stress, financial worries, or family issues can spill over into relationships. When individuals are under significant stress, they may be more irritable, less communicative, or more prone to negative outbursts, showcasing how external factors are often causes of negative behavior.

• For instance: When an individual is overwhelmed with work deadlines and financial burdens, they might bring that stress home. This can lead to snapping at their partner over trivial matters, being unusually critical, or displaying impatience that isn’t typically characteristic of their normal interactions.

3. Poor communication skills

A lack of effective communication can lead to misunderstandings and frustration. When partners struggle to express their needs or listen to each other, it can result in conflicts and negative interactions, typical examples of negative behavior in relationships.

• For instance: If someone has not learned how to effectively express their feelings or listen actively, they might resort to passive-aggressive behavior when upset. For example, they might give silent treatment or make sarcastic comments instead of discussing what is bothering them.

4. Personality disorders

Some negative behaviors in relationships can stem from personality disorders or mental health issues, which can affect how individuals perceive and react to situations. These might include tendencies toward aggression, manipulation, or extreme mood swings.

• For instance: A person with an untreated personality disorder might exhibit extreme emotional reactions or manipulative behaviors, which can destabilize a relationship. For instance, they might fluctuate between idealizing their partner and devaluing them, leading to a chaotic and tense relationship environment.

5. Mismatched expectations

When partners have different expectations about the relationship, their roles, or life goals, it can lead to disappointment and conflict. These mismatched expectations can breed resentment and negative behavior if not addressed openly.

• For instance: If one partner expects a high level of commitment and shared activities, while the other values independence and personal time, it can lead to misunderstandings and resentment. One might accuse the other of being distant, while the other feels suffocated, leading to frequent disagreements and dissatisfaction.

How to combat negative behavior in a relationship: 7 ways 

Being in a relationship where negative behavior surfaces can be challenging. It’s crucial to address these issues head-on to maintain a healthy partnership. 

The following seven strategies provide a comprehensive approach to dealing with negative dynamics effectively, ensuring both partners can enjoy a more harmonious and supportive relationship. Here’s how to start transforming negative interactions into positive ones.

Here are seven detailed strategies to combat negative behaviors in a relationship, especially if you are trying to figure out how to deal with a negative partner. These methods can help foster a healthier, more positive interaction, ensuring that both partners feel valued and heard.

1. Open communication

Encourage an environment where both partners feel safe to express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or retaliation. Regular check-ins can help address concerns before they escalate. This approach is crucial when dealing with negative behavior, as it prevents further misunderstandings.

• Try this: Schedule a weekly “relationship check-in” where each partner can share their thoughts and feelings about the week. Use this time to address any concerns in a structured, calm setting without interruptions.

2. Seek professional help

Sometimes, an impartial third party like a therapist or counselor can help identify the root causes of negative behavior and mediate constructive discussions. This can be particularly helpful for resolving deep-seated issues and learning healthier communication techniques.

• Try this: Research and select a couples therapist together. Make the decision a joint effort to ensure both partners feel involved and committed to the therapy process. 

3. Set boundaries

Clearly define what behaviors are acceptable and what are not. Both partners should agree on these boundaries. Enforcing them consistently helps prevent negative behavior patterns from taking hold. Boundaries might include respecting personal space, privacy, and mutual decision-making.

• Try this: Write down specific boundaries you both agree to uphold. For instance, agree that if a discussion gets too heated, either partner can call for a “time-out” to cool down before continuing the conversation.

4. Practice empathy

Try to understand your partner’s perspective and feelings. This involves actively listening, acknowledging their emotions, and responding thoughtfully. 

Research Highlight= Research shows that empathy can play a key role in determining the quality of a couple’s interaction with each other and their overall satisfaction levels within the relationship.

Empathy can reduce conflicts and increase emotional connection by showing that you care about how the other person feels, especially when you need to know how to deal with a negative partner.

• Try this: Practice active listening during your conversations. This means nodding, maintaining eye contact, and repeating back what your partner says to confirm understanding, such as, “It sounds like you’re feeling…”

5. Focus on resolution

When issues arise, aim to solve them together rather than focusing on who is right or wrong. Approach conflicts with the intention of finding a solution that satisfies both partners. This often involves compromise and the willingness to let go of minor grievances for the sake of the relationship.

• Try this: Develop a “conflict resolution plan.” Start each discussion by stating the problem, then each person offers potential solutions, and together you decide which solution to try first.

To learn more how ways to resolve conflicts in a relationship, watch this video by LMFT STeph ANya:

6. Improve personal accountability

Encourage each partner to take responsibility for their actions and their part in any conflict. This includes apologizing when wrong and making a genuine effort to change behaviors that negatively affect the relationship. Personal accountability is essential in transforming negative behavior into positive change.

• Try this: Keep a personal journal where you note instances where you might have contributed to a conflict. Reflect on these instances and discuss your insights during your weekly check-ins.

7. Reinforce positive interactions

Make a conscious effort to acknowledge and appreciate positive behaviors. This can include expressing gratitude, celebrating each other’s successes, and regularly engaging in activities that both partners enjoy. Positive reinforcement can shift the focus from what’s going wrong to what’s going right, building a stronger, more affectionate relationship.

• Try this: Create a gratitude jar where each of you can drop in notes about positive things the other has done throughout the week. Read these notes together during your weekly check-ins to focus on positive behaviors and moments.

How to change your bad attitude in a relationship

Sometimes, the realization that we contribute to negativity can be a turning point. Changing one’s attitude involves self-reflection, acknowledging one’s own faults, and making a conscious effort to adopt a more positive and supportive stance. 

For more detailed guidance on adjusting your attitude and its impact on your relationship, click here.

Final thoughts

Act now to address negative behavior and transform your relationship into a supportive and loving partnership. 

By understanding the signs and underlying causes of such behavior, you can take proactive steps to foster a healthier environment. Change begins with awareness and is strengthened through dedication to improvement. 

Collaborate with your partner to identify issues and develop strategies to overcome them. Whether it’s through open communication, setting clear boundaries, or seeking professional guidance, every effort you make is a step toward a more fulfilling relationship. 

Embrace the journey of growth together, and remember, your commitment to change can turn challenges into opportunities for strengthening your bond.