How Narcissists, Machiavellians, and Psychopaths Break Up

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Manipulation, lies, coldheartedness, lack of morals and a general carelessness toward others are all traits found in narcissists, Machiavellians, and psychopaths.

Of course, there are some distinctions. Nevertheless, if you’ve found those traits in your partner, you might be considering a breakup. Before you do, you’ll need to set up some strategies to protect yourself.

Traits of a Psychopath during a breakup 

If you’ve had enough of the sense of entitlement, arrogance, need for admiration and lack of empathy, you might now be wondering how to approach a breakup.

Narcissists, Machiavellians, and psychopaths all have a lack of empathy in common. Nevertheless, as this paper on the dark triad traits and their structure shows, narcissists do differ slightly from psychopaths and Machiavellians.

In short, narcissists tend to be more about self-absorption and superiority whereas psychopaths and machiavellians are selfish and callous.

So, narcissists and psychopaths will respond differently to a breakup. With the former, be prepared for anger, blame and even violence. 

Then again, some narcissists might simply turn away and avoid you. In a sense, they cut their losses and move on as quickly as possible to someone else who will make them the center of attention.

Those two different approaches are sometimes referred to as “narcissistic rivalry” or “narcissistic admiration”. As detailed in a paper on narcissistic admiration and rivalry, in the former, they put you down and in the latter, they charm others into putting them on a pedestal

In the case of a breakup, some narcissists will simply move on to someone else.

Do Narcissists attract sociopaths?

The other niggling question that sometimes comes up when we are faced with narcissists, machiavellians, and psychopaths, or the dark triad, is “do narcissists attract sociopaths”.

Or perhaps, how much of those traits do you exhibit that attracts these people to you?

Although, if you’re wondering if you’re a sociopath or a dark triad, the chances are that you’re not.

Overall, narcissists are attracted to anyone who looks good by their side regardless of whether they are a sociopath or not.

It’s also worth remembering that neither sociopath nor the word psychopath appear in the DSM but are listed under the criteria for antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). As such, there’s a debate as to what those traits really are.

All this to say that we can’t label people that easily and it’s often wiser to stick to the facts of the behaviors portrayed. The aim is to focus on what you need to protect yourself.

Traits of a Machiavellian during breakups

As this article on what machiavellian really means explains, the term was coined by Shakespeare from the writer and philosopher Niccolo Machiavelli. The term came specifically from his book, the Prince, which, at face value, does away with all morals and ethics.

As the article further explains, even Machiavelli had more to say than his advice to follow greed and self-interest. His message was that we all have a dark side.

Today, we also know that those who display traits of narcissists, machiavellians, and psychopaths often suffer from other disorders so it can be hard to know exactly where behaviors come from.

Generally though, machiavellians tend to be manipulative during breakups. They might do that by withdrawing and avoiding confrontation on the one hand. Alternatively, they can also bring up an argument as an excuse to then make it look like they’re the ones breaking up.

A study on how the dark triad breaks up further explains that machiavellians and psychopaths have a similar way of breaking up when it comes to leveraging an old argument to put them back in control. It’s the classic manipulation technique.

Traits of a psychopath when breaking up

Whilst both machiavellians and psychopaths tend to manipulate and escalate arguments as a tool to make them in control of the breakup, psychopaths show greater cold-heartedness.

In the same study on how the dark triad breaks up, psychopaths are more likely to ghost their partner and walk away with little remorse or concern.

But then you have something called the malevolent narcissist psychopath.

Generally, malevolent is a term associated with both machiavellian and psychopaths but less so with narcissists. Combining narcissism with psychopathy though produces a combination of ruthlessness and self-centredness.

So, your narcissist psychopath is likely to simply walk away from a breakup. In this case, they essentially create a story around how you weren’t good enough for them.

Finally, do psychopaths and narcissists get along?

They might be attracted to each other because, as the study above describes, they are both intelligent, charming and essentially, successful. Nevertheless, the need to meet their own interests only will clash at some point into potentially vicious behavior.

Common qualities across narcissists, machiavellians, and psychopaths when breaking up

Let’s first not forget that machiavellians, narcissists and psychopaths might appear charming at first but what unites them is their lack of emotional intelligence.

As a result, the malevolent narcissist psychopath or the machiavellian rejected partner will generally have a triggered reaction. They won’t be kind or understanding. Instead, they’ll fight back in whatever way works for them.

You might also be facing a dark empath who combines all three personalities: narcissists, machiavellians, and psychopaths. In this case, they do have some empathy but they use it to draw you even deeper into their games.

How do these personality types affect their partners when breaking up?

Whilst narcissists tend to focus on self-importance, machiavellians and psychopaths are more malicious and cold-hearted. To have this type of negative energy in your life is a drain for anyone.

Overall, partnering with narcissists, machiavellians, and psychopaths can leave you anxious, depressed and with lower self-esteem.

That’s why it’s critical to have a good support group around you of friends, family or even therapy. They can help you validate your feelings and reality. 

It’s worth noting at this point that not all narcissists, machiavellians, and psychopaths disregard societal norms when it comes to how we treat each other.

Fallon is fascinated by his wife and today, he has learnt to love those around him through admiration and respect for what they do and how they all support each other.

Of course, not all narcissists, machiavellians, and psychopaths were fortunate to grow up in a loving family like Fallon’s. Regardless, some of them might surprise you with how they’ve learnt to respond according to society’s expectations and not necessarily for the worst.

You can learn more about neuroscientist James Fallon and his experience living as a psychopath in his video:

FAQs

Understanding how Narcissists, Michiavellians and Psychopaths break up can help you prepare for their particularities in these situations. Here are the answers to some pressing questions that can help you provide more clarity on this:

• What makes breakups difficult for narcissists?

Narcissists suffer huge insecurity and they need their partners to validate them. As such, a breakup feels like a major failure or weakness. This is why they often react violently to do anything to keep you.

• How do you manage a narcissistic ex?

Managing any narcissist, whether they are an ex or family member, involves setting and keeping strict boundaries. Most importantly, you have to work on yourself so that you can manage your emotions and not let them control you.

Nina W. Brown, a certified counselor, goes into more detail about specific techniques in her book Children of the Self-Absorbed.

• How do you disentangle yourself from a Machiavellian?

Machiavellians are more likely to use information against you and create stories to hurt you. To avoid manipulation, it’s often best to cut all contact.

If you can’t for family reasons, again, make sure you have strict boundaries both around you and around people in your life. Whatever you do, do not get caught in their games but make sure you prioritize self-care and self-compassion.

Concluding thoughts

The dark triad of narcissists, machiavellians, and psychopaths overlap in that they tend to manipulate others for their own needs. They also usually ignore social norms which come across as cold and hurtful.

In terms of breakups, you can therefore expect malicious behavior. More specifically, psychopaths and machiavellians will twist things around so that they appear to be in control. Generally though, they both tend to create distance.

On the flip side, most narcissists will confront you. They might even become aggressive as they do anything to try to keep you, the source of their validation.

Either way, you will feel confused and even guilty. Your self-care and self-compassion strategies therefore need to be a priority.

And remember that the dark triad personalities know how to use their charms to reel you in. So, don’t judge yourself for falling for them. You can and you will survive.