Dating Men With Low Self-Esteem: 13 Things to Know

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Not every person you get in a relationship with will necessarily be full of passion and enthusiasm. So, what about loving a man who has low self-esteem or confidence issues?

It’s difficult to figure out if your man has low self-esteem. He may be incredibly handsome and successful, yet, a few weeks or months in, you may discover pertinent characteristics in him.

Men with low self-esteem can be difficult to love. Simply put, falling in love isn’t the difficult part; sustaining a relationship or dating someone with low self-esteem is the challenge.

You may be here exactly for that reason.  Maybe you are wondering how to deal with men with low self-esteem. So, how to deal with low self-esteem in relationships?

Don’t worry, this article will help shed some light on the matter of loving a man with low self-esteem. Just take a long, deep breath, exhale, and continue reading.

What is low self-esteem?

To figure out the signs of low self-esteem in a man, it is imperative you know what low self-esteem means.

 Self-esteem is basically how a person evaluates their worth. So, low self-esteem in a man means that he may be viewing himself as less worthy.

Low self-esteem refers to a lack of confidence and a negative perception of oneself. People experiencing low self-esteem often doubt their abilities, worth, and value, leading to feelings of insecurity and self-doubt. 

They may constantly compare themselves to others, fear rejection, and find it challenging to assert their needs or make decisions.

He may be feeling shameful about himself, his potential, his characteristics, and so on. He may be looking down upon himself. He may be lacking confidence in himself. Men with low self-esteem do not like themselves.

When it comes to men with low self-esteem, they are capable of loving someone else but are incapable of loving themselves. Low self-esteem in men manifests as feeling damaged in basic or fundamental ways.

You must understand that your man may not admit it directly, but he may be wishing on the inside that he was like someone else.

The concept of self-love can be sort of unknown to such men. You may be feeling upset and sympathetic for your man after knowing all this.

It’s okay, it happens. Your head may be flooded with questions like how to help a man with low self-esteem.

Well, to help out your man, you first need to know what you may be in for. What to expect?

How does low self-esteem impact your man? Don’t worry. Just read the next section to understand the signs of low self-esteem.

What are signs of low self-esteem in a man?

Signs of low self-esteem in a man can include constant self-criticism, seeking validation excessively, avoiding challenges due to fear of failure, difficulty accepting compliments, feeling unworthy of success or love, withdrawing from social situations, and hesitating to express opinions. 

He might also be overly sensitive to criticism and put others’ needs ahead of his own. These signs could impact relationships, work, and mental well-being. Recognizing these signs and working on building self-confidence, seeking support, and practicing self-kindness can help improve his overall self-esteem and quality of life.

What causes low self-esteem in a man?

Low self-esteem in men can stem from various sources, impacting their confidence and well-being. Here are 5 common factors that can contribute to low self-esteem.

Comparison with others

Constantly measuring oneself against others’ achievements can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Seeing others as more successful or confident may make a man doubt his own worth.

Early experiences

Negative childhood experiences, like harsh criticism or lack of support, can shape self-perception. If a man grew up feeling unaccepted, it might affect his self-esteem in adulthood.

Media and societal pressures

Media often portrays unrealistic standards of appearance and success. Trying to match these ideals can create self-doubt, especially when comparing real life to airbrushed images.

Rejection or failure

Facing rejection or failure can make a man question his abilities and value. It’s natural to feel down after setbacks, but persistently linking self-worth to these can harm self-esteem.

Negative self-talk

An internal dialogue of self-criticism can undermine confidence. If a man constantly tells himself he’s not good enough, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that lowers self-esteem.

13 things to expect when you love a man with low self-esteem

How to love a man with low self-esteem? You should be aware of certain things about their personality.

You may consider expecting the following things if you happen to have fallen in love with a man who has low self-esteem:

1. His hatred for himself may exceed his love for you

Self-criticism is one of the main characteristics of a man with low self-esteem.

Now, this one might probably be the biggest pill to swallow as a partner. Yes, it’s true, men with low self-esteem may be struggling to love you more than they dislike themselves.

Unfortunately, guys with low self-esteem are lost. They can go through times when they fail to see the beauty of the relationship they have with their significant others.

Why? It’s because they’re engrossed in hating themselves. If you say you love him, he may be busy wondering why you do it because he may feel unworthy of you.

2. He may be prone to seeking validation through activities that do not involve you

This one is quite tricky to grasp. If your boyfriend has low self-esteem, he may have a wandering eye. This means he may be quite flirtatious with other people.

Why does he do this? He does this because it’s his way of feeling validated, wanted, and worthy. This is one of the things that you must be very careful and aware of.

3. He may feel unworthy of your love and presence in his life

Yes, this can happen. Why? Your man may think that the reason you two are together is that he somehow got lucky just this once.

Initially, he probably cherished you. It’s as if you were his prize. This happened in that initial phase of intense attraction and infatuation.

But when that phase is over, he’ll try to find ways to prove that he is worthy of your commitment and love. When it comes to learning how to deal with a man with low self-esteem, always remember this.

4. He may be quite restless

One of the things that may have initially drawn you to your boyfriend might have been his love for hard work or his ambition. When you’re dating someone with low self-esteem, you should be prepared to deal with their restlessness too.

But this comes from a place of restlessness and desire to prove to the world that he is worthy. That’s why men with low self-esteem may often be very restless.

5. He may be highly competitive, even with you

You might, unfortunately, learn about this aspect of dating men with low self-esteem the hard way. You do not want to tap into their competitive side.

You might discover this characteristic through simple things like playing board games with him. You may even experience this when you experience major success in life.

Say you’ve bagged that big promotion. Men with low self-esteem won’t take this the right way. To your man, he may see this as another evidence of the fact that he is not enough.

He may therefore behave competitively with you.

6. He may be quite insecure and suspicious

Jealousy, insecurity, and suspicion come easy for men with low self-esteem. As a partner, you will essentially become the source of your man’s confidence and worth.

That gaping hole inside of him is filled with validation from you. So, it’s very easy for such men to feel threatened or jealous by the presence of other male figures in their lives such as your close friend, cousin brother, coworker, etc.

7. The victim card will be used very often

When it comes to men with self-esteem issues, be prepared to witness the “woe is me” mindset. Such men have an external locus of control. So, if anything unfortunate happens to them, they are sure to blame it on others.

He’s not well? It’s because his colleague forced him to party too hard the night before. The meeting didn’t go well? It’s all because of his co-workers.

Everything is somebody else’s fault. Are you ready to deal with this?

8. He may be very scared to commit to you

Commitment is a tough one for him. Committing to you is very scary for him. It’s not because he doesn’t love you. It may be because he loathes himself and thinks he is protecting you from misfortune by not committing to you.

Sounds twisted, right? Well, it is a distorted way of thinking.

9. He may get a kick out of hurting you

This may sound really harsh, but it’s true. Low self-esteem in males may manifest itself through hurting you.

Men with low self-esteem have such a high need for external validation to feel worthy that they can sort of like hurting your feelings.

Seeing you feel upset or cry over them is one of the ways in which they feel worthy in your eyes.

10. He may behave like a child very often

Men who have self-esteem issues often have this overbearing need to be pampered by their partners. They can get really clingy sometimes. Such men want their girlfriends to be their mothers.

You may find yourself having to take care of his food, clothing, medications, and so on.

Also, here’s a video on how dating a man with low self-esteem feels like:

11. Accepting compliments may be difficult for him

When someone has low self-esteem, they often have trouble believing positive things about themselves. Compliments might make him feel uncomfortable or skeptical, as his self-doubt could make it hard to internalize praise. 

He might downplay compliments or even dismiss them, thinking he doesn’t deserve such positive attention. Over time, this can affect his confidence and make it challenging for him to see his own worth.

12. His struggles might cause mood fluctuations

Low self-esteem can lead to emotional ups and downs. On good days, he might feel happier and more positive, but on bad days, his self-doubt could cause sadness, frustration, or even anger. These mood fluctuations might seem unpredictable and unrelated to external events. 

Your understanding and support during these mood swings can make a significant difference in his emotional well-being.

13. He might avoid new challenges in life

Fear of failure can be paralyzing for someone with low self-esteem. He might avoid trying new things or taking on challenges because he’s afraid he won’t succeed. This fear can keep him in his comfort zone, even if it means missing out on opportunities for growth and accomplishment. 

Encouraging him gently and celebrating his efforts, regardless of the outcome, can help him build confidence to face new challenges over time.

One advice from Psychologist and Coach Silvana Mici to these men and their partners would be

Embrace the power of self-compassion; recognize that imperfections do not diminish your worth. In the journey of building self-esteem, kindness towards yourself becomes the cornerstone of authentic confidence.

Commonly asked questions

Dealing with low self-esteem can impact relationships and individuals alike. Here are answers to some common questions regarding this matter.

• Can low self-esteem affect our relationship?

Yes, it can. Low self-esteem might lead to insecurity, jealousy, and communication issues. Addressing these concerns together can strengthen your relationship.

• Is it possible for him to improve his self-esteem over time?

Absolutely, self-esteem can be improved with self-awareness, support, and positive experiences. Patience and consistent effort can lead to growth.

• How can I help a man with low self-esteem feel more confident?

Offer genuine compliments, encourage his strengths, and provide a supportive environment. Your belief in him can boost his self-esteem gradually.

• Is it okay to date a guy with low self-esteem?

It’s okay, but it might involve challenges. Open communication, patience, and understanding can create a foundation for growth and improvement.

• Does low self-esteem lead to cheating?

Low self-esteem alone doesn’t guarantee cheating. However, seeking validation outside the relationship due to insecurity can increase the likelihood. Openly addressing emotions can help prevent such issues.

Battling esteem issues together

When it comes to loving men with low self-esteem, firstly, remind yourself that it’s not your doing, secondly, you can help your person get over this by being a supportive companion.

Loving such a man can be challenging but through active listening and empathy, accepting hai defensive nature, healthy coping mechanisms, and encouraging him, you can navigate your way through this.