Insecure Attachment Style: Types, Causes & Ways to Overcome

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Most people who have an interest in psychology have heard of the benefits of attachment. Developed by psychologist John Bowlby, attachment theory states that young children develop attachments to at least one adult who provides comfort when they are afraid, vulnerable, or distressed.

Mary Ainsworth later outlined different types of attachment, one of which is the insecure attachment style. Under this umbrella, there are three specific insecure attachment patterns, leading problems in adult relationships. 

What is an insecure attachment style?

The insecure attachment style describes a pattern of interaction in relationships in which a person displays fear or uncertainty. It is in contrast to a secure attachment, in which a person feels safe and comforted around their partner during times of distress.

People who receive consistent care and nurturing as children become secure in their attachments.

On the other hand, individuals who show insecure attachment patterns have high levels of anxiety in their relationships and do not feel confident that their partners will meet their needs.

This can lead to relationship conflict as well as difficulty forming close relationships with others. It is not surprising that a review of the research shows that individuals who are insecure in relationships have lower levels of satisfaction with their relationships.

Related Reading: Signs Indicating Insecurity in Relationships

3 Types of insecure attachment

An insecure attachment is an umbrella term that describes people who approach relationships with fear and distress, but there are several types of insecure attachment patterns:

1. Insecure-ambivalent attachment

In people with this attachment style, insecure behavior manifests itself in the form of clinginess. 

Someone who is insecure-ambivalent will need frequent reassurance from their partner, and they may be fearful of being abandoned. This attachment style is also sometimes called insecure resistant attachment.

Related Reading: Ambivalent Attachment in Adults

2. Insecure-avoidant attachment

This attachment style is associated with dismissive behavior in relationships.

A person with this type of attachment will avoid intimacy and have difficulty developing close relationships with a partner or being vulnerable with a partner.

Related Reading: Avoidant Attachment Style - Definition, Types & Treatment

3. Insecure disorganized attachment

Insecure behavior with this type of attachment style can be somewhat erratic.

Someone with an insecure disorganized attachment has difficulty coping with distress and will have no real pattern associated with attachment.

The three above types of insecurities can lead to difficulty in romantic relationships and intimate connections with others.

Related Reading: Types of Anxious Attachment and How to Overcome Them

What causes insecure attachment?

Insecure attachment theory provides guidelines for causes of insecurity in relationships, and many of these causes have been tested by researchers.

For example, it has been theorized that attachment begins in childhood, and the following factors can be causes of insecure attachment:

1. Abuse and Neglect

According to a review of various studies, being abused or neglected as a child is linked to developing an insecure attachment.

In fact, adults who suffered from child abuse or neglect are 3.76 times more likely to struggle with insecure romantic attachments.

Also Try: Childhood Emotional Neglect Test

2. Trauma and Loss

Experts have also reported that unresolved loss and trauma can lead to insecure attachment styles in adults in addition to child abuse and neglect.

Losing a parent, being separated from parents, or exposure to traumatic events such as war, gang violence, or domestic violence can therefore lead to an insecure attachment style. Physical and sexual abuse are also forms of trauma.

There can be several explanations for what causes insecurity in relationships, but it mostly comes down to experiences in past relationships, primarily those with a parent or primary caretaker.

A secure attachment develops if caregivers were warm, nurturing, and consistently available and responsive to a child’s needs. Insecure attachments develop when this type of care is lacking, whether because of abuse, violence, neglect, or emotional absence.

Related Reading: How Childhood Trauma Affects Relationships?

3. Lack of responsive parenting

Children whose parents or primary caregivers were not consistently responsive or supportive can cause their children to develop insecure attachments, eventually leading to attachment issues in adulthood.

For example, if a parent is physically absent from a child’s life or emotionally unavailable, the child may develop insecure attachment patterns. A parent who struggles with mental illness or addiction may be minimally responsive and increase the risk of insecure attachment in children.

Similarly, if a parent sometimes responds to a child’s needs or tends to the child during times of distress, but other times does not, the child may be unsure if their needs will be met, leading to insecure attachment.

Also Try: Attachment Style Quiz

Examples of Insecure Attachment Behaviors

Insecure attachments can lead to specific behaviors as a person attempts to cope with anxiety and uncertainty regarding intimate connections with others.

These behaviors may look different based upon a person’s age. For example, insecure child behavior can present a little differently than insecure attachment in adults.

• Examples of Insecure Attachment Behavior in Children

Some behavioral signs of insecure attachment in children are as follows:

• Actively avoiding parents/caregivers
• Frequent bouts of inconsolable crying
• Being overly clingy with parents/caregivers
• Masking emotions
• Panicking when separated from a parent
• Refusing to explore the environment
• Difficulty regulating own emotions
• Coming across as extremely independent when in reality child craves attention

Related Reading: How Childhood Trauma and Attachment Styles Show Up In Marriage?

• Examples of Insecure Attachment Behavior in Adults

Adults with insecure attachments tend to show some of the following behaviors in their relationships:

• Low self-esteem
• Refusing to ask for help
• Pushing away others, instead of allowing them to get close
• Being fearful of abandonment
• Presenting as especially clingy in romantic relationships or friendships
• Frequently seeking reassurance that everything is okay within a relationship
• Extreme independence
• Hesitant to become intimate with other people
• Jealousy in relationships 

Insecure behavior in an adult relationship occurs because the person is fearful that their partner will leave them or fail to meet their needs.

For someone with an ambivalent attachment, this leads to anxiety and clinginess to prevent abandonment.

In contrast, someone with an avoidant attachment style will refrain from becoming close to others, so they are not disappointed or hurt if they are abandoned, or their partner does not meet their needs.

Related Reading: How Attachment Styles Affect Relationships

How insecure attachment affects relationships in adulthood

Unfortunately, it is known that an insecure attachment style that develops during childhood can have lasting effects, carrying over into adult relationships.

When someone has an insecure-ambivalent attachment, for example, they may be so anxious in relationships that they want to spend all of their time with their partner, never allowing the partner to have alone time.

This clingy behavior can be a turnoff and push away potential partners. On the other hand, a person who has an insecure-avoidant attachment pattern may struggle with loneliness because of fear of being close to others.

They may also come across as cold and uninterested in their relationships, which can lead to conflict.

Research has looked at the specific effects of insecure attachments on adult relationships. One study found that individuals who had avoidant or resistant attachment styles tended to use immature defense mechanisms when interacting with others.

For example, they may be prone to repressing their emotions or projecting their own fears and anxieties onto others. This is understandably problematic for relationships, but it is an attempt to protect themselves from being hurt by people with an insecure attachment style.

Other research suggests that insecure attachment relationships can lead to the following behaviors:

• When a person with an avoidant attachment style is distressed, they likely will not seek comfort from their partner, nor will they offer comfort to a distressed partner. 
• People with an insecure avoidant attachment style tend to seek less physical contact and to distance themselves from their partners when separating, such as before the partner leaves for a trip at the airport.
• Someone with an insecure attachment style may become highly distressed when discussing a conflict with their partner, and they tend to view their relationship negatively during times of stress.
• A person with an avoidant attachment style will disengage from their partners during times of stress. In contrast, someone with an ambivalent or resistant attachment style will tend to behave dysfunctionally, damaging the relationship.

In summary, insecure attachment styles in relationships can make it difficult for people to manage conflict, connect with their partners, and feel safe within a relationship.

Furthermore, the attachment patterns that begin in childhood tend to continue into adulthood if nothing is done to change them.

For example, a child who learns he or she cannot rely on parents to provide emotional support and protection will be resistant to rely on a romantic partner, so they do not turn to their partner for help and connection, which is generally expected within a relationship.

Outside of causing damage to relationships, insecure attachment styles in adults can lead to low self-worth, depression, and other mental health issues.

Related Reading: How to Build a Secure Attachment With Your Spouse

3 Ways to overcome insecure attachment style

An insecure attachment style typically has roots in childhood, but there are ways to overcome issues that arise from insecure attachment relationships:

1. Communication

If you are in a committed relationship, you must communicate with your partner about any insecurities you have and where they may have developed.

Being honest with your partner about your needs can help the two of you to get on the same page, so they understand where your behavior originates.

Related Reading: Attachment Based Communication Tips for Partners

2. Individual Therapy

Ultimately, you may need to seek therapy to help you develop ways of coping with distress and relationship problems.

It also helps to learn ways to overcome childhood issues that may have created an insecure attachment style.

Related Reading: How Starting Individual Therapy Can Help Your Relationship

3. Couples Therapy

You and your significant other might benefit from attending therapy together, so they can learn more about your situation and learn how to be supportive of you as you navigate attachment issues. 

Related Reading: ABT Therapy: Attachment-Based Therapy

Conclusion

An insecure attachment style can be ambivalent/resistant, avoidant, or disorganized.

These styles have roots in childhood when people either develop secure attachments with their caregivers or learn that they cannot rely upon caretakers to provide

Consistent, adequate support and safety, leading to insecure attachments. These attachment patterns from childhood tend to follow people to adulthood, but there are ways to cope so that the insecure attachment style does not harm your relationships.