12 Sensible Tips on How to Grieve a Relationship

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“The only way out is through.” – Robert Frost

Breaking up isn’t just about losing a partner—it’s about losing shared dreams, routines, and a part of yourself. 

Imagine waking up and instinctively reaching for your phone, only to remember there’s no one waiting for your good morning text. The places you once loved now feel heavy with memories. The silence is deafening.

Why does it hurt so much? How long will this feeling last? And more importantly, how do you even begin to heal?

Pause. Breathe. 

It’s okay to feel lost right now. Grieving a relationship is a process, much like mourning any deep loss. In fact, research suggests that coping with breakup grief activates the same areas of the brain as physical pain. That’s why it feels unbearable—but you will get through it.

This article offers sensible suggestions on how to grieve a relationship, helping you process emotions, find closure, and move forward with strength.

Is it okay to grieve a relationship?

When a relationship ends, it can feel like a part of you has been ripped away. The routines, the late-night talks, the shared dreams—they all vanish in an instant, leaving behind a void that’s hard to fill. It’s natural to wonder: Is it okay to grieve a relationship?

The answer is yes, and it’s actually necessary. 

Dealing with breakup grief isn’t just about missing the person; it’s about processing the emotional loss and adjusting to life without them.

Ignoring your feelings or forcing yourself to move on too quickly can delay healing. Instead, embrace the grief, give yourself permission to feel, and take small steps toward recovery. 

Learning how to grieve a relationship in a healthy way allows you to heal, grow, and eventually open your heart again.

How are bereavement and breakup grief different?

Losing someone to death and losing someone to a breakup can both bring deep emotional pain, but they are not the same. 

Bereavement is the grief that comes with death—it’s final, absolute, and leaves no chance for reconnection. 

Breakup grief, on the other hand, is filled with uncertainty, lingering hopes, and the painful awareness that the other person still exists but is no longer part of your life.

One major difference is how society perceives them. People openly support someone grieving a death, offering comfort and patience. 

But when it comes to breakups, many are quick to say, “Just move on” or “You’ll find someone else.” This can make breakup grief feel isolating.

Another key difference is that breakups often involve rejection, self-doubt, and unanswered questions. Learning how to grieve after a breakup means facing those emotions head-on. 

While both types of grief are painful, knowing how to grieve a relationship in a healthy way can help you regain emotional balance and rebuild your life.

Should you expect grieving after a breakup?

Grieving a breakup is a completely normal experience even if it is highly painful. Your mind may experience a whirlwind of emotions as it resists the change that breakups necessarily bring about. 

Deep down, you might also be facing the pain associated with failure and abandonment. Even if the breakup was mutual or led by you, your inner critic will go into an endless spiral that can lead to depression. 

Many people refer to stages of grief after a breakup as a framework to process grief. The relationship grief stages go from shock to anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance, as detailed in this model of the stages. 

The stages of grief after a breakup is modeled on psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s model for how people dealt with loss from death. Interestingly, there is some debate today as to whether the model really helps people.

As scientist Hilda Bastion writes in her article challenging the 5 stages of grief, not everyone relates to the stages of grief in a relationship. Moreover, grief isn’t something to be cured. Instead, it’s something we learn to live with and adapt to. 

Similarly when learning how to grieve a breakup. That means working through the emotions as well as what the experience can teach us. 

The importance of working through breakup grief

Learning how to deal with breakup grief is not about forgetting.

Breakup grief is real, and ignoring it doesn’t make it disappear. Whether you’re grieving a marriage breakup or the end of a short relationship, the pain can linger if left unprocessed. Working through it is essential for emotional healing and future relationships. Here’s why:

• Prevents emotional baggage – If you don’t deal with breakup grief, unresolved emotions can affect your confidence and future relationships.
• Helps you understand yourself better – Reflecting on what went wrong can offer valuable life lessons.
• Reduces unhealthy coping mechanisms – Suppressing grief can lead to unhealthy distractions like excessive drinking or rebound relationships.
• Allows for genuine closure – Grieving helps you accept the reality of the breakup, making it easier to move forward.
• Strengthens emotional resilience – Facing your emotions head-on builds strength for handling future challenges.

12 recommendations on how to grieve a breakup

Breakups can feel like an emotional earthquake, shaking the very foundation of your life. But grief is not just about sadness—it’s about processing loss and making space for something new. Instead of rushing to “move on,” allow yourself to experience the pain and grow from it.

Here’s how to grieve a breakup in a way that helps you heal fully and come out stronger.

1. Let yourself feel every emotion

Our first instinct when we’re hurting is often to push the pain away. We tell ourselves to “stay strong” or “move on,” but suppressing emotions only delays the healing process.

Instead, acknowledge what you’re feeling—whether it’s sadness, anger, or even relief. As an assistant clinical professor in psychiatry at the University of California explains in her article on Radical Acceptance, embracing emotions rather than fighting them allows them to lose their grip over time.

Try this: When a wave of sadness or frustration hits, take a deep breath and remind yourself that emotions come and go. Sit with them rather than resisting.

2. Mourn the version that existed in the relationship

A breakup doesn’t just mean losing a partner—it also means saying goodbye to the version of yourself that existed in that relationship. Maybe you were part of a couple for years, or maybe you had dreams and plans that are now gone.

Allow yourself to mourn that identity. You can create a symbolic ritual, like writing a goodbye letter to your old self, burning old notes, or simply journaling about how you’ve changed.

Try this: Write down everything you learned from your past relationship and how it shaped you. Then, reflect on what kind of person you want to be moving forward.

3. Reframe your breakup story

It’s tempting to dwell on regrets or blame yourself (or your ex) for how things ended. But how you tell your breakup story shapes how you heal. Instead of seeing it as a failure, reframe it as a stepping stone for growth.

For example, instead of thinking, “I wasted years with the wrong person,” reframe it as “I spent time learning valuable lessons about myself and what I need in a relationship.”

Try this: Write your breakup story from a future perspective—as if you’re looking back after fully healing. How did it shape you into someone wiser and stronger?

4. Reflect on the lessons you’ve learned

Every relationship, no matter how painful its ending, leaves behind valuable lessons. What did this relationship teach you about love, boundaries, communication, or self-worth?

Maybe you learned that you need a partner who communicates more openly, or that you should never compromise on your core values. Recognizing these insights helps prevent repeating the same patterns in future relationships.

Try this: Make a list of three positive things you gained from your relationship—even if it ended painfully.

5. Allow yourself “grief breaks”

You don’t have to be consumed by sadness all day, every day. A healthy way to grieve a breakup is by setting aside moments to release emotions—whether it’s crying, journaling, or even screaming into a pillow. 

Then, give yourself permission to pause the grief and do something enjoyable, like watching a funny show or spending time with friends.

Grief comes in waves, and it’s okay to let joy in between the sadness.

Try this: Schedule 15 minutes a day just for feeling your emotions. After that, shift your focus to something uplifting.

6. Stay connected to your support system

Breakup grief can feel isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Talking to close friends, family, or even a therapist can help ease the burden.

Rather than bottling everything up, let people in. Even if you don’t feel like talking, just being around supportive loved ones can make a difference.

Try this: Call or text a close friend and share how you’re feeling. If words are hard, simply ask them to spend time with you.

7. Prioritize self-care (and avoid self-sabotage)

When going through breakup grief, it’s easy to fall into unhealthy coping mechanisms, like drinking excessively or isolating yourself. Instead, focus on activities that nourish your body and mind.

Make a list of things that make you feel good—whether it’s exercising, taking a bath, or listening to music—and make them a daily priority.

Try this: Identify one unhealthy habit you’ve been using to cope (e.g., checking your ex’s social media) and replace it with a self-care habit instead.

Watch this insightful video for some more tips on how to practice self-compassion:

8. Don’t rush to “Fix” your emotions

Grief isn’t a problem to be solved; it’s an experience to be moved through. The pressure to “get over it” quickly can actually slow down healing.

If you find yourself thinking, “I should be over this by now,” remind yourself that healing is not a race. There is no set timeline for moving on.

Try this: Whenever you feel frustrated about your progress, tell yourself, “Healing takes time, and I am exactly where I need to be.”

9. Silence your inner critic

Breakups can trigger self-doubt, making you question whether you were “good enough” or what you could have done differently. But self-blame only deepens the pain.

Instead, practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that relationships involve two people, and no one is perfect. A breakup does not define your worth.

Try this: When negative self-talk creeps in, counter it with a kinder thought, like “I did my best, and I deserve love and happiness.”

10. Find calming practices that work for you

Grieving isn’t just emotional—it’s physical too. Stress and anxiety can manifest in your body, making it harder to sleep, eat, or focus. Finding simple ways to calm your mind and body can help regulate your emotions.

Deep breathing, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, or even simple stretching can make a huge difference in how you process grief.

Try this: Take five deep breaths, inhaling for four seconds and exhaling for six. Notice how your body relaxes with each breath.

11. Create new memories

When a relationship ends, it can feel like your entire world is colored by the past. One of the best ways to move forward is to actively create new memories that don’t involve your ex.

This could mean trying a new hobby, traveling to a place you’ve never been, or even just rearranging your living space to feel fresh and different.

Try this: Pick one thing you’ve always wanted to do but never did because of your relationship. Now is the perfect time to try it.

12. Rediscover yourself

Sometimes, in relationships, we lose parts of ourselves without even realizing it. Maybe you gave up certain hobbies, friendships, or dreams along the way.

Now is the time to reconnect with who you are outside of the relationship. What excites you? What kind of life do you want to create for yourself?

Try this: Make a list of things you used to love before your relationship. Start reintroducing them into your life, one by one.

How counseling can help with breakup grief

Breakups can leave you feeling lost, overwhelmed, or stuck in a cycle of pain. While time heals, counseling can help speed up the healing process by providing emotional support, clarity, and coping strategies. A therapist can help you process your feelings in a safe space, making it easier to move forward.

Here’s how counseling can help in specific breakup scenarios:

1. Overwhelming sadness & depression – If your breakup has led to persistent sadness, loss of motivation, or even depression, a therapist can help you reframe negative thoughts and introduce techniques like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to improve your mindset.
2. Difficulty letting go – If you keep replaying memories or hoping for reconciliation, counseling can help you gain closure and break unhealthy attachment patterns.
3. Low self-esteem & self-blame – A breakup can trigger feelings of unworthiness. Therapy helps you rebuild confidence by focusing on self-love, strengths, and personal growth.
4. Anxiety about the future – If you fear being alone or worry about finding love again, counseling provides tools to reduce anxiety and create a positive outlook on the future.

FAQs

Breakups can be a difficult and painful experience, leaving many people feeling lost and overwhelmed with questions. 

Let’s answer some of the most commonly asked questions about breakup and grief, including what defines the grieving process, and what connects grief to breakups.

• What defines the post-breakup grieving period?

Grieving over a breakup is a very different experience for everyone. This is partly because we deal with pain differently but also because we all view breakups differently. 

As a result, the time it takes can vary from weeks to months. 

• How are breakups and grief related? 

Grief and relationships go together because breakups can cause grief. In essence, anything that creates an overload of emotions and loss of identity can be compared to losing someone to death. 

Embracing breakup grief and moving forward

Grief after a breakup isn’t a setback—it’s proof that you loved deeply and experienced something meaningful. But here’s the thing: pain isn’t meant to be a permanent home. It’s a passage, guiding you toward self-discovery and renewal.

As you move forward, ask yourself—who do you want to become beyond this pain? What lessons will you carry, and what will you leave behind? Healing isn’t about forgetting; it’s about growing into someone stronger, wiser, and more in tune with yourself.

Give yourself permission to feel, but also permission to dream again. The version of you that emerges from this grief will be someone with deeper emotional strength, a clearer sense of self, and an openness to new possibilities. You are not broken. You are evolving.

So take a deep breath, step forward, and trust—this isn’t the end of your story. It’s the beginning of a new chapter.