How to Detach From Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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In terms of relationships, many may not go as you thought they would. This could be the case if you are dating someone that is living with bpd. Here’s a look at how to detach from someone with borderline personality disorder in case you need to know more about staying safe and prioritizing your wellness.

What is borderline personality disorder (BPD)?

Borderline personality disorder is a mental health condition where a person has little to no control of their emotions. This may lead to them acting erratically or exhibiting behaviors that are dangerous to themselves and others.

Since a person is not in control of how they feel or how they act, this can be problematic if you are in a relationship with someone with bpd.

For more information on borderline personality disorder and relationships, check out this video:

5 Symptoms of borderline personality disorder

If you are concerned that someone you love may have BPD, there are some symptoms that you may want to be aware of. Here are some of the most common symptoms that people with bpd may express.

1. Feeling empty

An individual who is dealing with borderline personality disorder may feel a great sense of emptiness in their life. This feeling may be there all the time or most of the time, which can greatly affect a person’s well-being and how they feel about themselves.

Related Reading: 5 Things to Do to Fill the Empty Space Left After a Break Up

2. Swift mood changes

Something else that lets you know if someone possibly has bpd is when they have mood changes that happen quite suddenly. They may feel one way and then a few minutes later feel completely different. This could make you feel like you don’t know how to cope with their emotions.

In other words, swift emotional changes can be difficult for both people in a relationship.

3. Exhibiting dangerous behavior

Another symptom is engaging in dangerous or unsafe behaviors. If someone keeps doing things that may be risky and unsafe, this could be a symptom of bpd. Even if they understand that what they are doing isn’t acceptable, they may still do these things anyway. They may also self-harm or consider suicide.

4. Not feeling like yourself

Since a person may not be in control of their emotions or behavior, this can prevent them from knowing who they are. They may have a skewed sense of self or no sense of self at all.

Essentially, some people with bpd may not know who they are. They may also feel they are on the outside looking in instead of inside their body looking at the outside world.

5. Inability to control anger

Those with bpd may also experience more anger than what is considered acceptable. They may exhibit angry outbursts that seem violent at times, seemingly out of nowhere.

While this goes along with being unable to control emotions, it is also considered an additional symptom.

Related Reading: 10 Most Effective Ways On How to Control Anger in a Relationship

5 tips to detach from someone with borderline personality disorder

There are multiple ways related to how to detach from someone with a borderline personality disorder. Here’s a look at 5 ways you may want to take advantage of.

1. Learn more about the condition

Anytime you are living with someone with borderline personality disorder, it can be worthwhile to learn more about the condition. This can give you an understanding of what to expect and how a person may behave. Moreover, you may be able to ascertain when someone’s behavior is serious and when it is not.

According to a licensed professional counselor, Christiana Njoku,

Someone with a borderline personality disorder need not be silent about it; speaking up is the first step towards getting support.

For instance, certain symptoms associated with bpd may indicate that a person will hurt themselves or attempt suicide. 

When you are well informed on bpd, you might see these signs and be able to get your partner or loved one help when they need it. This is also a great way related to how to help someone with a borderline personality disorder.

Keep in mind that even though you may want to detach from someone, this doesn’t mean that you don’t care about them.

Related Reading: Conditional Love vs Unconditional Love in a Relationship

2. Have boundaries in all relationships

A good rule of thumb is to have boundaries in all of your relationships. Some things may be okay, and some that are not. For instance, if you don’t like being told how to spend your money and your mate insists on telling you how to, this may be a boundary for you to consider.

You can take all the time you need to think about your boundaries and make a list. These are kind of like relationship dealbreakers, which need to be followed to ensure that you are comfortable.

Remember that your mate needs to know these boundaries and be okay with them, so try to be as fair as possible. When you are laying down boundaries to help you with saying no to someone with borderline personality disorder, it may also be helpful to talk to them when they are calm and ready to listen to what you have to say.

Otherwise, they may not be able to pay attention to what you have to say in a respectful manner.

3. Limit communication when possible

When it comes to borderline personality and relationships, each one may be slightly different. If your partner isn’t getting what you are saying and they aren’t respecting your boundaries, you may want to limit communication with them.

It is okay to do this if you have repeatedly expressed your thoughts about their behavior and they have acted in the same way. You must protect yourself and ensure you are safe at all times.

In extreme cases, if someone says they are going to harm themselves or you see them abusing drugs, you may need to take them to the hospital or call for emergency services. Keep this in mind if you are worried about your partner with bpd.

4. Do what’s good for you

You have to keep your own wellness at the forefront of your mind. If you are trying to learn more about how to detach from someone with a borderline personality disorder so that you can work on your mental health, it is okay to think of yourself first.

As advised by Christiana Njoku,

If you recognize anger issues in a partner with borderline personality disorder and they are not willing to change. For your  peace of mind, prioritize your own well being first.

There will be time for you to help another person get the help they need if they want to and are willing, but you will be unlikely to help anyone if you are anxious and stressed.

5. Talk to a therapist

Anytime you feel like you would like to work with a therapist to address your mental health, relationships, or how to cope with bpd, you should consider working with a professional. They will be able to talk to you about all the things that you need to know and help you address your behavior.

They may also have pointers on how to detach from someone with borderline personality disorder and keep yourself safe while still being a friend to someone experiencing symptoms of bpd.

Related Reading: What to Talk About in Therapy and Tips on How to Open Up

5 ways on how to cope with borderline personality disorder

There are some methods that you may consider to cope with bpd. These can be effective whether you have it or a loved one or spouse does.

1. Consider your options

When your partner has bpd, and it is affecting you negatively, you should consider all your options. You can stay with them and try to talk to them about getting therapy for the disorder, you can stay away from them when they make you feel uncomfortable, or you may want to end the relationship.

You will have to determine what is the right choice for you. While making a decision may be hard, you must remember to put yourself first. Again, this doesn’t mean you don’t care for someone else.

If you have bpd, you should consider getting therapy as soon as you feel like you want it. Once you notice that your emotions are hurting those around you, it may be a good opportunity to get mental health support.

2. Talk to others

You do not have to stay silent about how you are feeling or what you are experiencing. Ask others you know for advice or their take on what you should do. You may find that some people have insight that you haven’t considered. They may also be able to tell you more about how to detach from someone with borderline personality disorder.

You can also talk to friends about your disorder when you are wondering what you should do. They may be able to provide you with actionable advice or point you in the direction of a therapist that can help.

Related Reading: How to Talk to Your Crush and Make Them Like You Back

3. Think about your behavior

While you can’t cause someone’s bpd, you may want to think about how you are acting. If you are acting a bit erratic, this may be something that isn’t common for you. Try your best to act like yourself and take care of your mental health at all times.

If you have a bpd, you should also try to pay attention to your actions. Sometimes, you may notice that you are upsetting others around you or doing dangerous things. This can be detrimental to your health and safety. Be sure to talk to someone about this when you are ready.

Related Reading: 10 Ways to Help Your Spouse Cope Through a Behavior Disorder

4. Make a routine

When doing your best to detach from someone with borderline personality disorder, you should consider making a routine for yourself and following it. This can allow you to have a bit more normalcy in your life, and you can also keep yourself busy.

Additionally, if you have bpd, having a routine may also help you. For instance, a therapist may ask you to do certain things every day, like writing in a journal, during the treatment process to help you set a routine and give you a bit of consistency.

5. Consider therapy

Whether you are experiencing bpd or living with someone with borderline personality disorder, it may be necessary to get therapy. One therapy you can consider is relationship counseling, which can help you learn how to communicate better and respect your partner’s boundaries.

Moreover, if you have bpd, working with a therapist can help you learn how to manage your symptoms and ensure that you get the specialized treatment that you need. 

If your loved one has bpd, a therapist may be able to advise you on how to detach from someone with borderline personality disorder without causing them any additional upset or pain.

FAQs

Let’s discuss the most asked questions about borderline personality disorder

How do you set boundaries with someone with borderline personality disorder?

If you are dealing with someone with bpd and how they behave is making you experience stress or something else, you are uncomfortable with. It would help if you determined what you are willing to handle and what you are not.

Consider what your boundaries are going to be and write them down. You can also consider what you will do if someone breaks these boundaries. Only you can decide what is right for you and your life.

Once you have determined your boundaries, you should talk to your partner about how you feel. Make sure that you are gentle and respectful when you talk to them. This can be an effective method for how to detach from someone with borderline personality disorder.

How do I detach myself from someone’s BPD?

If you want to detach yourself from borderline personality disorder relationships, you may want to start by telling them how you feel. When they seem to be calm and willing to listen, you can explain what you intend to do.

On the other hand, if this isn’t possible, consider limiting your contact and communication with this person. This may be the best way to get your point across and allow yourself to take care of your own needs. There are a few ways to detach from someone with borderline personality disorder, but being open and honest about what you need and doing your best to get it may work well for you.

Final thought

When it comes to how to detach from someone with borderline personality disorder, this can be tricky, but it may be necessary to help you stay on top of your health and wellness.

Always talk to someone when you need to and seek therapy when it feels like it can help you. Others may be able to provide advice and insight into keeping yourself safe when your partner has bpd.