How to Deal With Gaslighting in Relationships in 15 Ways

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Gaslighting is defined as a form of psychological abuse where a person or group makes someone question their sanity, perception of reality, or memories. They do it by slowly manipulating their mindset and the information they receive.               

People experiencing gaslighting often feel confused, anxious, and unable to trust themselves. It is not easy to deal with gaslighting – how to deal with gaslighting is, undoubtedly, a process one needs to understand, especially if their partner frequently resorts to gaslighting during an argument in the relationship.

Also Try: Am I Being Gaslighted?

What is gaslighting in a relationship?

Gaslighting is a term that is not very clear, and many people wonder what gaslighting is in a relationship. 

Gaslighting in relationships is a manipulation technique that leads a person to develop self-doubt and a feeling of disorientation. Often, someone who is being gaslighted loses their sense of self-worth, identity, and perception.

The term “gaslighting” was originally taken from the film Gaslight, created in 1944, which shows how a husband convinced his wife to question herself and the reality around her.

There are many different types of gaslighting techniques and methods used by gaslighters. 

Related Reading: What Is Gaslighting in a Relationship?

Why would a partner resort to gaslighting in a relationship?

While gaslighting is a form of abuse, and is not justified, there are several reasons why someone would resort to gaslighting their partner. Which brings us to the question – Why do people gaslight?

1. For control

Since healthy relationships rely on each other, it isn’t a surprise that they follow each other’s advice. They cooperate on their goals and pool their resources.

It is the belief of most people to help each other, and if that is too impractical, we should at least help those that are close to us. Given that, it shouldn’t be necessary to play tricks to get someone close to do us favors. But some people still resort to gaslighting and other means of control.

That right is unconditional with no strings attached. Gaslights want to keep that right, but don’t want their partner to have any. You may think it doesn’t sound fair, well it’s not, that’s the point.

Related Reading: How to Recognize and Handle Manipulation in Relationships

2. Manipulation

Gaslighting is a method manipulative partners use to control the relationship. There are low-handed people who don’t want an equal relationship with their partners. So, it is up to the partner at the receiving end to learn how to deal with gaslighting in a relationship.

The moment you realize you are intimate with a potential gaslighter, but you want to keep the relationship, here is some advice on how to deal with gaslighting spouse.

Such conditions make it difficult for the partner at the receiving end to skillfully deal with gaslighting – how to deal with gaslighting; therefore, calls for some expert advice.

Related Reading: 7 Common Signs of Gaslighting to Look out For

How to recognize gaslighting behavior

How to stop gaslighting in a relationship? If you have been wondering how to stop someone from gaslighting you, or how to deal with a gaslighter, the first step of the process is to recognize gaslighting behavior. 

Gaslighting emotional abuse and manipulation can be recognized with the help of the following behaviors. If you see your spouse or partner exhibiting one or more of the following characteristics, it could mean that you are dealing with a gaslighting spouse or are married to a gaslighter.

• You are made to believe that you are too sensitive.
• You find yourself feeling confused in the relationship.
• You think you are at fault for everything that is wrong in the relationship or marriage.
• You always find yourself apologizing.
• You wonder if you are good enough. 
• You do not bring your emotions to the front in order to avoid conflict.

To understand more about signs of gaslighting, watch this video.

As Relationship and Empowerment Mentor Dionne Eleanor states,

Gaslighting often starts small, with subtle manipulations and denials. But over time, it can escalate into a destructive cycle of deception and control.

15 ways to deal with gaslighting

“How to deal with a gaslighting partner?” can be a common question for people who feel they are being gaslighted in a relationship or marriage.

Related Reading: Disturbing Stages of Gaslighting in Relationships

If you are wondering how to handle a gaslighting husband or how to handle a gaslighter, here are 15 ways to deal with someone who blames you for everything.      

1. Verify their information

Gaslights are often pathological liars with the capacity to blatantly lie in your face without blinking an eye.

They can sometimes react violently when confronted about them, so it’s best to make your own private judgment while verifying the information you receive from them and from there, take actions to protect yourself against gaslighting,

2. Do not argue

Gaslights are great at rationalizing.

They are experts in the use of argumentative fallacies and will never let you have the last word. Unlike a courtroom where there are two opposing lawyers and a neutral judge, it is just between you and an experienced liar.

There is no good end when arguing with a gas lighter. So, it is better to learn how to deal with gaslighting husband/wife skillfully. To stop someone from gaslighting you, try not to get into an argument with them.

3. Ground yourself

One of the most important defenses on how to deal with gaslighting in a relationship is to keep your individual identity.

A gaslighter will try to destroy your perception and the world you built for yourself.

They will use hints, doubts, and gossip to break down your foundations. Keeping things that matter to you outside your relationship, but close and protected prevents the gaslighter from achieving their goal. For recovering from gaslighting, keep yourself grounded.

4. Assess your own personality

Gaslighting slowly changes your morals to fit the needs of your spouse. Make sure you don’t make any large compromises for the sake of keeping the relationship together.

As relationship and empowerment mentor Dionne Eleanor states, 

A healthy relationship consists of a balance between independence and togetherness, and neither partner should feel manipulated into staying or making large decisions they are uncomfortable with. 

5. Contact your friends and family

 Its important  to stay connected with people you trust, who will be there for you if things get bad.  People who notice you well enough to identify if you changed or are in a difficult position. 

Dionne Eleanor, empowerment and relationship mentor, advises,

People should choose their support network wisely and observe which friends and family members help ease stressful situations, compared to others which increase drama and challenges.

6. Calmly say ‘No’ 

If you feel you are being forced to compromise your principles, learn to say no. Your spouse may try different methods to change your mind.

Dionne Eleanor explains,

It is often easier for people to stick to their choices if they spend time meditating on the ‘why’ that lays underneath it.

7. Reason out your judgment

You may be overreacting, and your spouse may just be trying to help you become a better person. If they are willing to listen and adjust for you, then it’s possible you are misinterpretting your spouse gaslighting you. 

Dionne Eleanor, a relationship and empowerment mentor, strongly advocates for objective professional support when someone feels doubt in a relationship.

If you are unsure, invest in a relationship mentor, therapist or life coach to support you.

Also Try: Is There Gaslighting in My Relationship

8. Consult a professional

Sometimes gaslighting can lead to physical violence. 

Once the domestic violence line has been crossed, it  often getsworse from there.  It can feel complex and challening to know what to do, especially if there are children involved in the relationship.

As Dionne Eleanor shares,

Relationships are not binary. It is best to consult with a therapist or counselor on how to deal with a gaslighting that is combined with violent tendencies.

9. Rebuild your self-esteem

One of the critical ways gaslighters can affect you is to break down your self-esteem. You might need to rebuild your self-esteem gradually to prevent gaslighting happening again. 

Rebuilding self-esteem after a gaslighting relationship can be challenging, but it is a crucial process for healing and moving forward.

Dionne Eleanor, relationship and empowerment mentor, shares,

There are 9 core aspects of rebuilding self-esteem that include: acknowledgment, receiving support, education, reframing negative thoughts, reconnecting with hobbies, setting boundaries, strengthening health habits, forgiveness & celebration of progress.

10. Remember you cannot control other people’s actions

While it is normal for someone being gaslighted to feel that they are at fault, and if they do something more, their partner’s behavior will change, you need to understand that you cannot control other people and their actions. 

Your partner’s gaslighting behavior is a reflection of their problems and not yours.

11. Have compassion for yourself

When you have been gaslighted for a long time, you might start seeing yourself in a different light. Have a little more compassion for yourself, be kind with your thoughts, and indulge in some self-care. 

If how to deal with gaslighting has been a common concern for you, compassion for yourself may be the answer. 

Related Reading: How to Practice Self Compassion for a Satisfying Relationship

12. Keep a journal       

Keeping a journal can help you understand behaviors and patterns easily and take better control of your thoughts. If you feel your partner gaslights you, journal entries can help you understand the pattern and find a solution. 

13. Support groups

Support groups are a safe space, and they help people know that they are not alone. If you are trying to stop gaslighting behavior, talking to people who have had the same experiences can help you navigate the situation better. 

14. Get out and do not return

Suppose the relationship or marriage is abusive in terms of gaslighting, and you cannot find a solution. In that case, it may be right to get out and not consider returning to the relationship. You should also consider therapy to resolve these issues. 

15. Meditate

Meditating can help you become more mindful of your thoughts and help you take control of your mental health. Meditation can be an essential tool to deal with a gaslighting partner. If you are asking how to deal with gaslighting, meditation may be a good idea.

Related Reading: 25 Gaslighting Phrases in Relationships You Should Not Ignore

Conclusion

It’s not easy how to deal with gaslighting.

Most situations are irreversible, and unless your partner is willing to change for your sake, it will only worsen as time goes by. Make sure to keep your wits about you, protect the children, if any, and hopefully, the gaslighter hasn’t turned them against you.

Most people will try their best to save the relationship, but remember, it will only work if both partners are willing to change their toxic personalities. Otherwise, you are just delaying the inevitable.