Understanding and Dealing With Husband’s Porn Addiction

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Being in a relationship with someone who is addicted to porn can lead to many relationship challenges.

Similar to other types of addiction, dependency on porn becomes a priority over other important things in life. Furthermore, your husband’s porn addiction problems can make you doubt yourself and affect your self-esteem.

Dealing with problems stemming from a husband’s porn addiction can be stressful and painful. What can you do to help him quit porn addiction and protect yourself in the process?

What is porn addiction?

Before we move on to the effects of porn addiction and tips for quitting porn, let’s define what porn addiction is.

We talk about porn addiction in situations when a person feels dependent on pornography to the extent of prioritizing it over other important aspects of life such as work and relationships.

The addiction can vary in intensity and affect daily life to various degrees, but one of the key components of addiction is not being able to resist the urge and stop.

Related Reading: What Is Porn Addiction and How to Stop It

Is porn addiction real?

Although porn addiction is not officially recognized in APA, we can argue that porn addiction is real based on the consequences it causes.

Any problem is true and significant for the person experiencing it, whether it can be found in a diagnostic manual or not.

Porn Addiction Signs and Symptoms

Being dependent on something is bound to cause problems in different areas of one’s life. What can you expect as pornography addiction signs of a husband addicted to porn?

What are porn addiction symptoms?

• An excessive amount of time dedicated to watching pornography
• While giving priority to porn viewing, the person is neglecting daily responsibilities
• Frequent masturbation beyond what existed before addiction
• Problems with arousal or performance in the bedroom
• A decrease in emotional and physical intimacy
• Symptoms of porn addiction withdrawal when trying to break porn addiction
• Although consequences of viewing pron are serious, the person can’t seem to quit
• Indulging in watching it in inappropriate places such as work (20% of men admit to this)
• Feelings of shame or guilt around porn habits 
• Thoughts of watching haunt the person, and they can’t seem to get away from porn
• When asked to stop, the person gets upset, defensive and angry
• Giving up porn seems daunting, and the person will try to avoid quitting however possible. 

Related Reading: Dealing with Sex and Pornography Addiction in a Marriage

What causes porn addiction?

Research on causes of porn addiction is not abundant; however, there is data to support the claim that behavioral addictions, addiction to porn included, use similar mechanisms as substance addictions. 

Besides physiological factors, psychological ones play a significant role. Psychological benefits that a person reaps explain why people choose certain activities, including porn addiction.

These include, but are not limited to alleviating stress, reducing anxiety, dealing with boredom, acquiring pleasure, coping with negative emotions, or avoiding certain situations and feelings. 

Related Reading: What Are The Causes of Sex Addiction

Effects of porn addiction on the family

Although not recognized as a disorder, having a husband porn addict in the family has effects on the entire family system.

• The individual and the family

Because of porn addiction, a husband is likely to give priority to his dependencies on porn compared to other responsibilities, the family life can suffer. It can lead to:

• Loss of interest in spending time with family
• Withdrawal and emotional distancing
• Lack of trust between the spouses 
• Sarcasm and cynicism regarding love
• Divorce

• The Spouse

Husband’s porn addiction can lead to loss of trust, reduced relationship satisfaction, and shaken self-esteem. 

It is natural to want to help a husband with a porn addiction. Unfortunately, many spouses blame themselves for it happening or not stopping. As a result, they experience feelings of guilt, shame, and despair. 

Eventually, the spouse can lose faith overcoming porn addiction is possible and feel rejected. This can lead to humiliation and drive to ending the marriage.

• The Child

Any problem parents experience is bound to affect the kids as they are the most sensitive members of the family. 

Children may feel alone, isolated, or abandoned while their parents are focused on figuring out how to stop addiction to pornography. 

Furthermore, their views on love, romantic relationships, and sexual behaviors can be distorted as a result of the pron addiction of a parent. 

Related Reading: How Watching Porn Ruins Relationships

What do I do if my husband is addicted to porn?

Ending a husband’s porn addiction is not a small feat. You are right to ask, can a spouse actually help their husband end a porn addiction? 

To recover from porn addiction, as any other one for that matter, the person needs to want to change. When the desire to transform exists, there are ways you can help in getting over porn addiction 

15 ways to help your husband end a porn addiction

If you are determined to deal with your husband’s porn addiction, you are likely to succeed because of your strong will. Also, here are a few essential tips that will help you effectively deal with your husband’s porn addiction. 

1. Prepare for a long recovery 

When dealing with your husband’s porn addiction, remember to think of it as a marathon, not a sprint. 

This mindset will increase the chances porn addiction therapy will be successful and that your relationship will survive. Also, it will remind you that you need to think of yourself too. 

2. His recovery is his responsibility

It is not your fault that this is happening. Also, it is not on you to resolve it. What to do when your husband is addicted to porn? 

The first thing is to say to yourself that he is accountable for his porn addiction treatment. You can walk the journey with him, not for him. 

3. Assist him in finding help 

The best way to stop porn addiction is to help in finding professional help. When you recognize the signs of porn addiction, look for help for your husband and yourself. 

4. Share how it is affecting you 

One of the factors that can contribute to his motivation is the hurt and damage it is doing to you. 

Share with him what you are going through so he can find the strength to recover from porn addiction. 

5. Educate yourself

It will be easier to beat your husband’s porn addiction if you know what to expect. 

Learn as much as you can. You will hear the stories of people going through similar and feel less isolated too. 

Related Reading: Is Porn Bad or Good? Understanding the Divide

6. Surround yourself with support

Treating porn addiction can be a lonely road. Due to shame, guilt, and embarrassment, you may choose to shy away from people and deal with the experience on your own.

However, emotions need a safe place to be expressed. If not with friends and family, turn to support groups for overcoming your husband’s porn addiction.

7. Accept recovery will be a demanding process

Treating your husband’s porn addiction will take time and energy. Breaking porn addiction means attending many sessions and meetings. 

Count on this happening so you can prepare yourself better. 

8. Expect setbacks

Progress will not be a straight line. He will have setbacks, more or less of them over some time. Anticipate them so you can continue to support him and yourself when it happens. 

9. Include couples counseling 

Couples therapy will provide a setting for sharing emotions and improving communication and intimacy. The strain addiction puts on your relationship can be mended if you both work on it. 

10. Define and share your limits 

Don’t make promises you can’t keep. If you are not absolutely sure you will stay no matter what, don’t promise that. 

Think about your breaking points and share them so he is aware of boundaries he shouldn’t cross. 

Related Reading: Porn and Privacy in Relationships. Is it OK?

11. Outline what will happen if left unchecked 

How will your husband’s porn addiction impact your relationship and family if left unchecked? 

Outline the consequences to increase the motivation to work on it. 

12. Have daily check-ins

Discuss daily what each of you is going through. The more you are aware, the more you can seize control over challenges and stop the spiraling. 

13. Help get rid of triggers

What makes him reach out for porn? When can he resist it easier? Assist in getting rid of the triggers and set up healthier ways of dealing with problems. 

14. Improve intimacy

What is the purpose of porn watching? Does he reach out for it when feeling stressed, anxious or overwhelmed? 

Improving the relationship can become the new go-to for some of the purposes that porn used to fulfill. 

15. Introduce bonding and fun activities

If life is all about responsibilities and problems, porn as a pleasure inducer will be more wanted. Have activities that bring joy and fun into your life, so porn is no longer needed to fill that gap. 

Related Reading: Couple Bonding Activities to Strengthen the Relationship

What treatment options are available?

Once you decide that you need help to stop porn addiction, know there are treatment options. 

• Therapy 

Individual and couple counseling. Look for a specialist in your area who you deem is a good match for your personality. 

• Support groups 

Having people who go through something similar can reduce the feeling of isolation and increase accountability. 

• Medication 

Although talk therapy is the treatment of choice for behavioral addictions, your doctor may recommend medication for comorbid conditions such as anxiety or depression. 

Related Reading: Tips to Overcoming Porn Addiction 

The bottom line

Husband’s porn addiction is an issue that affects the whole family. It can lead to marital problems and ruin relationships. 

Although it may not be easy, overcoming the husband’s porn addiction is possible. Find professionals who specialize in addictions and they can help you overcome porn addiction and save your marriage and your life. 

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