13 Signs You Have a Controlling Wife & Ways to Deal With Her

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Husbands usually have a lot of things to say about their wives. A lot of times, husbands may comment on how nagging their wives have become, how they feel neglected, and many more.

Marriage is like that. There can be things that we just don’t like about each other, but overall, with effort – everything can still work out fine.

But what if you are married to a controlling wife? This isn’t something that we often hear, especially from men. However, it may be more common than we think. Just how do you deal with a controlling wife without giving up on your relationship?

Is it normal to feel controlled by my wife?

Feeling controlled by a partner can feel challenging and is not healthy for a relationship. Being controlled by a spouse isn’t considered normal or acceptable in a relationship. 

It’s important to have open communication about your feelings and concerns with your wife. A healthy partnership is built on mutual respect, trust, and understanding. If you’re feeling uncomfortable, discussing your emotions together can lead to finding solutions that benefit both of you. Remember, healthy relationships involve collaboration, not control.

13 signs that you’re married to a controlling wife

Looking for signs of a controlling wife? Keep reading.

If you have been seeing, first hand, the signs of a controlling woman, then most likely, you’re married to a controlling wife.

Let’s go over some simple scenarios that only a husband married to a controlling woman would relate to

• Is your wife asking you to report to her about where you are going, who you’re with, what time you’ll go home? Well, this includes calls and questions throughout the day about what you are doing and where you are!
• One obvious controlling wife sign is if she is always right. Whatever issue or disagreement you’re having, you end up losing because she is very capable of turning things around and digging up past mistakes.  
• Do you feel that when you have a fight or disagreement, even if you know you’re right, she’ll end up playing the victim? Does she make you feel guilty about being abused when you’re angry or stressing her? 
• Do you notice that she can do things that she specifically doesn’t allow you to? For example, does she hate it when you chat with female friends, but you see her chatting with her male friends freely?  
• Does your wife always get what she wants one way or the other? Does she act out and give you a hard time when she doesn’t get it her way?
• Does your wife accept her mistakes? Or does she get angry and divert the issue?
• Do you notice that your wife has an irrational temper? Is she always irritated, angry, and in a bad mood? When a wife controls her husband, she can be pointlessly enraged at times.
• Does she show other people how superior she is to you or to your family? 
• Does your wife closely monitor your spending habits and control your finances, making you feel like you need permission for purchases?
• Does she discourage you from spending time with your friends and family, trying to keep you only focused on her?
• Does she frequently criticize your choices, appearance, or decisions, making you feel inadequate?
• Does she discourage you from pursuing your own hobbies, interests, or career goals that don’t align with her preferences?
• Is she excessively curious about your personal conversations, texts, or emails, invading your privacy and not respecting your boundaries?

What causes a wife to be controlling?

Why are wives so controlling? Why do wives try to control their husbands? Let’s try to find out.

Here are some common reasons that might cause a wife to exhibit controlling behavior, along with relatable examples:

• Insecurity: If a wife feels insecure about herself or the relationship, she might try to exert control to gain a sense of security. For instance, she might constantly ask about your plans to ensure she won’t be left out, fearing you might prefer someone else’s company.
• Past trauma: Previous experiences, like past relationships or childhood issues, can impact behavior. If she had a partner cheat on her in the past, she might be overly controlling about your interactions with others, fearing a similar outcome.
• Desire for perfection: A need for things to be perfect can lead to controlling behavior. If she’s fixated on having the “perfect” household, she might dictate how chores are done or criticize your efforts to align with her standards.
• Fear of losing control: Some people use control as a coping mechanism to manage their own anxiety. If she’s stressed, she might try to control various aspects of her life, including your actions, as a way to regain a sense of control.
• Communication issues: Poor communication skills can lead to control attempts. If she struggles to express her needs and concerns openly, she might resort to controlling behavior to ensure her wishes are met.

How can you deal with a controlling wife: 7 practical ways

If you are married to a wife who controls you but still wants to work on your marriage and improve things,  it means that you truly love her and that you value the relationship you both have.

Know the simplest ways to deal with a controlling wife and how you can do it together as a team.

1. Understand the reason

Living with a controlling wife calls for trying to reach the root of the issue. 

There will be cases where a controlling wife might have underlying problems, such as showing narcissistic traits or other psychological problems. It can also be from trauma or a relationship problem that you had before.

Your overall approach will differ from the reason for the attitude she’s displaying. If she’s suffering some form of psychological problems, she may need professional help.

2. Stay calm

It’s important for husbands to maintain their cool while dealing with controlling wives. Instead of arguing or escalating the issue to a fight over who is better, stay calm.

It’s better that way, and you’ll save up your energy. Allow her to rant and then ask her if she can now listen. By this time, even a controlling wife can give way.

You can let her know that you see her point and then add your own points.

3. Ask her to work with you

You’d be surprised to know how communication can help in these situations.

You can start off by using positive words and statements for her so that she does not misinterpret them.

According to marriage & family therapist Lisa Seid:

Everyone likes to feel appreciated and good about themselves. Couples sometimes forget how important it is to reinforce positive changes, so be vocal about thanking or praising your wife for moments when she responds positively to your communication requests.

You’ll likely see less controlling behavior and more of the type of positive communication you’re looking for.

You can also show signs that you agree with her and you are willing to create a plan about it. This will make her feel that she’s given importance while you are also able to open a way of getting into her and helping her.

4. Seek help

There can be instances where the controlling wife is aware of her actions and wants to change.

In this event, it’s better to ask for professional help and make sure you allow time for her to understand how this is needed and how it can save your relationship.

5. Encourage independence

Encouraging independence in your relationship involves giving each other the space to pursue individual interests, friendships, and activities. This helps prevent a sense of control from developing. When both partners have their own lives outside the relationship, it can lead to a healthier and more balanced dynamic. 

6. Set boundaries

Setting boundaries is essential to maintaining a healthy relationship. Boundaries define what is acceptable behavior and what is not. Communicate openly with your wife about your personal boundaries, and encourage her to do the same. Discuss areas where you both feel comfortable and uncomfortable in terms of control. 

7. Lead by example

Leading by example means demonstrating the behaviors and communication styles you’d like to see in your relationship. If you want a partnership built on trust, respect, and open communication, be the first to display these qualities. 

Show that you value your wife’s opinions, involve her in decisions, and actively listen to her. 

Communication coach Alexander Lyon explains 4 practical tips to lead by example. Watch this video:

Commonly asked questions

 Relationships can sometimes pose challenges, and understanding how to address controlling behavior is important. Let’s explore some common questions and provide straightforward answers to help you navigate these situations.

• Can a controlling wife change?

Absolutely, change is possible. People evolve, and relationships can too. If your wife is willing to understand her behavior’s impact and both of you communicate openly, positive change is achievable. Patience and mutual efforts will play a key role.

• When is a man controlled by his wife?

Control can emerge when one partner dominates decisions, affecting freedom and confidence. Feeling like you need approval or fearing reactions might signal this. Healthy relationships honor both voices, allowing space for growth and mutual decisions.

• Is it possible for my wife to be controlling in a healthy way?

Certainly, balance is essential. Guidance can be positive, but preserving each other’s independence is vital. Honesty, understanding, and finding a middle ground are key. Striving for a partnership where both perspectives are valued leads to a harmonious connection.

• How can couples therapy help if one partner struggles with controlling behavior?

Couples therapy offers a supportive arena for growth. Skilled therapists facilitate conversations, teach effective communication, and provide tools to address control-related challenges. Both partners collaboratively work towards understanding, fostering a more harmonious relationship.

A relationship of equality and understanding

Addressing controlling behavior in relationships with empathy and open communication is pivotal. 

Change is possible when both partners recognize the need for growth and strive to create an atmosphere of understanding and respect. By embracing balanced dynamics and seeking support if needed, couples can nurture stronger connections and build a future together grounded in harmony and mutual happiness.