Surviving the Holidays: Dr. Venus Nicolino’s Important Tips

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The holiday season is in full swing, and that’s typically a time for good cheer, gift-giving, and the warm embrace of a loving family. At least, that’s what they say in all those Hallmark cards and movies. 

Your lived experience might prove otherwise. But Dr. Venus Nicolino believes you can improve the odds of surviving the holidays and having a happy one by changing how you approach family gatherings. Find out what Dr. Venus has to say about the important tips for the holiday season. 

Why it’s important to survive and thrive through the holiday season

On the list of occasions for which it’s good to have a plan, the holidays definitely rank near the top. They’re often an emotional minefield where one misstep — bringing up past conflicts, for example, or mentioning politics — can cause explosions, and surviving holidays can become tough if that happens.

Too often, holiday dinners feature a large dish of guilt with a side of anxiety right there next to the ham and cranberries. Well, surviving the holidays in that kind of atmosphere is challenging. 

In addition to these pitfalls, the holidays also present an opportunity for joy, connection, and creating lasting memories. It’s a time when family and friends come together, often reuniting after long periods apart.

Venus Nicolino’s essential tips to thrive through the holiday season 

While arguments about what someone did 20 years ago or who should be president might be inevitable, they don’t have to involve you. You have some control over the situation and must ensure you have that control during the holiday season. 

Dr. Venus Nicolino, the bestselling author and businesswoman who hosts “The Tea With Dr. V” podcast, said that practicing self-care, accepting holiday chaos, and having the courage to look for a positive connection with family members can all help in surviving the holidays and making the holidays brighter.

• Practicing self-care and being OK with saying no

Talking about the holidays, Dr. Venus Nicolino is hitting on a topic that impacts many people. In a survey by CivicScience, 48% of U.S. adults report feeling more stressed during the holidays, while 43% feel more anxious. 

The biggest source of stress is around buying gifts, which 46% said raises their stress levels. However, the survey found that spending time with family was the second-highest source. As with most things, everything goes better during a seasonal meetup if you first take time for some self-care. 

In an interview, Dr. Nicolino said the holidays are a good time for “instilling your sense of self-care and your sense of boundaries. You’re allowed to say no to that family gathering and no to people’s energy you don’t like. You’re allowed to say no.”

You’re also allowed to say no to arguments that seem to happen at every holiday function, typically around topics related to politics. Sometimes, the people closest to us can wind us up the fastest.

“You’re going to see people you love that you may not like. And that’s always problematic,” Dr. Nicolino said on the “Adulting Podcast.” 

“You have to ask yourself this question: ‘Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right?’ I know you want to be both, but on the holidays, it’s almost impossible.”

She added that those types of arguments never end with anyone’s mind changed. She said rather than getting into an argument, it’s a better idea to look for “points of connection.”

• Staying open to making positive connections

While she advocates for avoiding pointless arguments and searching for positive points of connection, Dr. Venus Nicolino also knows that’s much easier said than done. 

Making connections during the holidays or any time means allowing yourself to be open to them. Based on past experiences, the better move might be simply shutting down and going through the motions.

She addresses this issue on her popular TikTok channel, where she has a wide range of videos offering advice on everything from romantic relationships to knowing how to heal the hurt you’ve caused someone else.

While it seems tempting to shut down and close people out around the holidays, things can go better if you make yourself available, which in itself has a “unique kind of strength and confidence,” Dr. Venus Nicolino said. She added that it offers “a pathway to unique connections with others.”

Staying emotionally unavailable might be fashionable among some people, but those who do so will end up harming themselves. While not speaking directly about the holidays, her message on staying open and available to positive experiences certainly applies.

“I’m here to tell you that the person who cares less gets less,” Dr. Nicolino declared in the video. “Friendship, romance, goodness might be able to track you down in your bunker of unavailability, pretending to care less, but they will damn sure find you if you make yourself available.”

Watch this podcast where Dr. Venus Nicolino talks to Jenny McCarthy about her new book “Bad Advice:”

Dr. Venus Nicolino: It’s OK to mix a little chaos into your holiday

Dr. Nicolino, who holds a master’s in counseling psychology and a master’s and Ph.D. in clinical psychology, is known for an irreverent approach and straightforward advice that cuts through the cliches others offer. 

That’s the focus of her bestselling book, Bad Advice: How to Survive and Thrive in an Age of Bulls–t. That approach is apparent in her advice about surviving the holidays. 

Even if you practice self-care and try to find a positive connection with relatives who have opinions that are opposite your own, you still may have to embrace a little chaos.

Dr. Nicolino warned that while we may have the idyllic version of the holidays in our minds, it rarely plays out that way. But, she added, it’s not the end of the world. She addressed it in another video on her TikiTok channel.

“It’s going to be OK if your holidays are not like a Hallmark Channel Christmas movie. You may not get snow at the exact moment your whole family comes together for a kumbaya hug,” she said. 

“You need to prepare for the possibility — just the possibility — that your entire town won’t break out into a lovely rendition of ‘Silent Night’ on Christmas Eve.”

She continued, “It’s OK if your family gathering is more like Die Hard — you know, a shaky marriage in the middle of maniacs taking over a building. The holidays can be merry and chaotic at the same time.”