Stuck With ‘I Still Love My Ex’? Here Are 10 Ways to Move On

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Is it normal to still love my ex?

The long and short of it? Yes, it is normal.

That doesn’t mean you are still going to see each other and share intimacy, especially if you are already in a (new) committed relationship. It also doesn’t mean you will continue to have close conversations with each other and run to them when you have troubles.

How you feel and what you do are two different things.

If you feel you can’t get over your ex or are wondering about “why do I still love my ex?” but you are not committed at the moment, then don’t even bother to think about it.

Do what you want, and continue to date them if that is what makes you happy. It is not an issue, it’s a free country. However, if you are in a relationship with someone else, that’s the only time things change.

Restrictions apply. Read the fine print.

In this article, we are discussing the matter of still loving your ex while in a new relationship. Because if you are not in any relationship, then who you date and sleep with is not anyone else’s business.

Why do I still love my ex-partner?

What you think and what you feel is yours and yours alone. Nobody can interfere with your most private thoughts and feelings. It can be influenced by outside factors and experience, but it is still yours and yours alone.

Having particular thoughts or feelings is not a basis for anything. There are many reasons why someone may still love their ex-partner, despite the relationship ending. 

These reasons could include lingering feelings of attachment, nostalgia for the good times, a sense of comfort and familiarity, or a belief that the relationship could still work out in the future.

So if you feel you still love your ex, that is fine, as long as you don’t do anything thoughtless about it. It is okay to move on from an ex you still love for some time. 

If you think you need to be honest with your current lover, think about what good it will do if you tell them, ‘I still love my ex’. 

If you still love your ex and believe “I still have feelings for my ex,” make sure you do not say or do anything that would jeopardize your current relationship.

It is just not worth it. So to keep it simple, thinking and feeling are normal. Saying and doing something unnecessary is basically looking for trouble.

How long is it reasonable to love your ex

“I am still in love with my ex. Is it okay?”

Well, there is no fixed time set for how long it is fine to keep loving your ex. Every individual is different and so are their experiences. It can vary extensively based on the incidents, personality, behavior, and more experiences from the past.

Based on a study, people take nearly three months to get over a breakup. Still, it cannot be consistent for everyone.

Moving on from an ex or letting go of someone is a painstaking process and it is advisable to not rush the process. Take your time to heal, feel, process and understand your emotions. Embrace yourself through the process. 

Grief and depression might kick in, and the intensity can vary from person to person. However, in cases of prolonged grief, it is advisable to get in touch with a therapist.

5 signs you’re not over your ex yet

Breaking up with someone can be a difficult and painful experience. It can lead to the thought ‘I still love my ex’. Even after some time has passed, it’s possible to still have feelings for your ex-partner. 

If you’re unsure whether you’ve moved on or not, here are five signs that you may still be holding on to your past relationship.

• You constantly think about your ex

If you find yourself constantly thinking about your ex and reminiscing about your past relationship, it may be a sign that you’re not over them. Whether it’s replaying old memories or wondering what they’re up to, if your ex is always on your mind, it may be time to focus on letting go.

• You compare potential partners to your ex

If you’re constantly comparing potential partners to your ex, it may be a sign that you’re not ready to move on. Comparing others to your ex suggests that you’re still holding onto certain qualities or traits that you found attractive in them.

According to Christiana Njoku, a licensed professional counselor:

No need to compare your partner to others; when you do that, it is a sign that you are not ready to change.

• You stalk their social media

It’s normal to check in on your ex’s social media pages from time to time. However, if you feel ‘i still love my ex husband’ and find yourself constantly checking their profiles, it may be a sign that you’re not over them. 

Stalking their social media can prevent you from moving on and finding closure.

Related Reading: 10 Tips to Reduce Effects of Social Media on Marriage

• You still have their belongings

If you’re still holding onto your ex’s belongings, it may be a sign that you’re not over them. Keeping their things around can remind you of your past relationship and make it harder to move on.

• You still feel angry or hurt

If you still feel angry or hurt towards your ex, it may be a sign that you’re not over them. Holding onto negative feelings can prevent you from moving on and finding closure.

What is emotional withdrawal after a breakup?

Love is not just an emotion but also a neurological attribute. When we fall in love with someone, we experience attachment, and our body functions tend to change. According to various research, love increases our immunity, heart rate, etc., and helps fight depression and blood pressure issues.

As rewarding as it feels to fall in love, breaking up can be pretty bad for us emotionally as well. When we sever ties with the person we love for one reason or the other, we could feel the same effects as withdrawal symptoms from a chemical substance. You might have felt as “why can’t I get over my ex?” 

This is called emotional withdrawal.

Emotional withdrawal is the constant suffering caused by the absence of the person we got attached to in the relationship. This happens because the person is yet not able to accept the fact of the breakup and lives in a prolonged denial, and looks for excuses and reasons to get back to the person.

When such attempts fail, it leads to anxiety, depression, loss of appetite, insomnia, etc., and takes some time to heal. It is considered best to be surrounded by family or friends or get the help of a therapist in such situations. 

Check out this insightful video on how breaking up feels like drug withdrawal to your brain:

10 ways on how to get over your ex

It’s natural to feel a wide range of emotions such as sadness, anger, confusion, and even relief after a breakup. However, there are many things you can do to help yourself move on and get over your ex. Here are 10 ways to help you do just that.

1. Allow yourself to feel your emotions

The first step in getting over ‘I still love my ex’ is to allow yourself to feel your emotions. It’s important to acknowledge that it’s normal to feel sad, angry, or hurt after a breakup. Allow yourself to cry, talk to a friend, or write in a journal. 

Don’t try to suppress your emotions or pretend that everything is okay.

2. Cut off all contact with your ex

One of the most important things you can do to get over your ex is to cut off all contact. This includes unfollowing them on social media, deleting their phone number, and avoiding places where you know they’ll be. It’s important to create distance so you can focus on healing and moving on.

3. Focus on self-care

Focusing on self-care is essential after a breakup. Take care of your physical and emotional well-being by eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep, and engaging in activities that make you happy. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion.

Related Reading: The 5 Pillars of Self-Care

4. Surround yourself with supportive people

How to get over an ex you still love? Find positive company. Surrounding yourself with supportive people is crucial when you’re trying to get over your ex. Spend time with friends and family who make you feel good about yourself. 

Consider joining a support group or talking to a therapist for relationship counseling if you’re struggling to cope.

5. Get rid of reminders of your ex

Struggling with ‘I still love my ex’? Getting rid of reminders of your ex can be helpful when you’re trying to move on. This includes things like gifts they gave you, photos, and other mementos. 

As a relationship coach, Christiana Njoku noted that:

To get over your ex, you need to disconnect from everything and anything capable of bringing back memories of your ex.

You don’t have to throw everything away, but put them out of sight and out of mind for a while.

6. Rediscover your interests and hobbies

Rediscovering your interests and hobbies can help you feel more like yourself again after a breakup. Make a list of things you enjoy doing and make time for them. 

Instead of being pensive over ‘I love my ex’, try something new or pick up an old hobby you haven’t had time for in a while.

7. Practice mindfulness and meditation

Mindfulness and meditation can be helpful when you’re trying to get over your ex. These practices can help you stay present at the moment and manage your emotions. Consider downloading a mindfulness or meditation app or attending a local class.

8. Focus on personal growth

Focusing on personal growth can be a positive way to move on after a breakup, even if you’re still in love with ex. Set goals for yourself and work towards achieving them. Take a class, learn a new skill or volunteer for a cause you’re passionate about. 

Personal growth can help you feel more confident and fulfilled.

9. Practice forgiveness

Practicing forgiveness can be difficult after a breakup, especially when you’re caught up with ‘I still love my ex’. But it can also be incredibly healing. Forgiving your ex doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened, but it can help you let go of negative feelings and move forward. 

Consider writing a letter to your ex (that you don’t have to send) expressing forgiveness and closure.

Related Reading: 10 Tips to Practice Forgiveness in a Relationship

10. Give yourself time

When constantly thinking about ‘I still love my ex’, give yourself time. Healing takes time and everyone’s journey is different. Don’t put pressure on yourself to “get over” your ex quickly. Allow yourself to move at your own pace and trust that with time, you will heal and move on.

Commonly asked questions 

If you’re struggling with feelings of still loving your ex, you’re not alone. This set of frequently asked questions will provide some insights on how to navigate this challenging situation.

• Should I date if I still love my ex?

It’s not uncommon to feel the desire to start dating again, even if you still have feelings for your ex. However, it’s important to take the time to process your emotions and move on before jumping into a new relationship.

• Why am I still attracted to my ex?

There are many reasons why you may still feel attracted to your ex, such as a strong emotional connection, physical attraction, or familiarity. It’s important to take the time to understand your feelings and work through them in a healthy way.

Deal with your emotions wisely

The question, ‘why do I still love my ex?’ or ‘am I still in love with my ex’? might drive you in guilty if you still do but know that it’s fine to miss your ex if it is not interfering with your current relationship. 

With time, your feelings will subside, and so will the memories.

Unless you feel it’s the right choice to get back to your ex, stay committed to your current partner, and make efforts to move on from the past.