How to Determine Your Definition of Love

Have you ever thought, what is love? Or, what is the definition of love?

Almost everyone feels it at one time or another, but virtually no one can really come up with an appropriate love definition. No two people have precisely the same definition of love.

And, this can be confusing in relationships, where the partners assume they are both operating on the same idea of what love is only to find out that they have very different definitions of love.

Love is a weird thing, indeed!

In order to be able to help someone understand your definition of love, it’s essential first to figure out what is the meaning of true love for you.

Read on for seven questions to ask yourself while determining your definition of love.

1. What makes me feel loved?

To identify the true definition of love, ask yourself what makes you feel most loved. Is it hearing someone say they love you?

Or is it receiving a thoughtful gift? Is it a hug or a kiss? Try to think of all possible ways you define love to delve deeper into the love meaning that holds true for yourself.

Knowing your “love language” goes a long way towards not only determining your definition of love but being able to explain it to another person.

So, the best way to figure out the same is to spend some time thinking about things that make you feel loved. Also, pay attention to the moments in which you feel loved over a period of several days or even more.

2. How do I show others that I love them?

Being aware of how you show love, as well as how you feel loved, is the key to finding the best definition of love.

Think about how you demonstrate love to others – romantic love, familial love, friendship love.

How do you feel when you show love in these ways? Are they similar to the ways in which you like to feel loved?

Even if two people are genuinely in love, the meaning of love for both of them might differ. It is imperative to identify what works for each person to be truly satisfied in a relationship.

3. How do the people close to me define love?

It can be enlightening to talk to people close to you about how they define love.

You might find that they behold a unique concept of love, which can be completely different than yours, that can open your eyes to other ways of defining and understanding love.

Spend some time asking those you feel love for, what is their definition of love.

It can be exciting to talk to your partner if you have one about this!) Then, reflect on the answers you receive and see if you want to refine or expand your understanding of what love is based on.

4. What different kinds of love have I felt?

The Greeks never had one real meaning of love. They had a number of different kinds of love, from friendship to erotic love to familial love.

While our society often encourages us to think of love predominantly in terms of romance, there are so many different ways to feel love. Reflect on how you feel about love, and times you might have experienced love in situations that are not romantic or sexual.

This can include times you’ve felt love for others and felt the love from others. If you have trouble coming up with examples, spend some time reading about the Greek definitions of the different forms of love.

5. How does feeling love make me feel about myself?

Knowing how you operate when you are in love or acting from love is a significant step in understanding yourself.

Think back to times when you have been in love, or been in situations where you have felt love.

How did you feel about yourself? How do you think about yourself when you are expressing love or feeling love for another person?

If these are positive feelings you want to continue to have, then you should think about how they come about.

If you find that you don’t like the way you feel about yourself when you’re in love, and that does happen, you have the opportunity to think about ways to change these patterns.

6. What makes me love someone?

Understanding what qualities of behaviors make you fall in love with someone will give you insight into your definition of love.

Spend some time making a list of the qualities and behaviors that have made you feel love for someone in the past.

If you have a current partner, ask yourself what you love about them. Then reflect on what you’ve come up with. This list shows you what you want to find in a partner or lover.

If you find that there are things on the list that surprise you or that are on reflection unhealthy such as feeling love only for partners who are controlling or who smother you with the attention it might be time to seek some guidance on how to learn to experience love in a healthier way.

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7. Why do I seek love?

Our motivations for love vary, but all humans want to feel love. Not all these motivations are healthy, though.

If you find, for instance, that you seek love because you feel like you are incomplete without a partner, then this is a sign that you may have some work to do in building your self-esteem.

Think about what you have been looking for when you have sought love in the past, not just romantic love, but love or approval from others in general.

If you set yourself on the quest of finding a definition of love, you will come across not just one, instead, many. You can follow these ways, as mentioned above, to find out what you truly believe in.

Also, your very own definition of love might change over some time. What is essential in a relationship is that your definition of love is aligned with your partner’s definition, for a long and healthy relationship.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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