What Are the 7 Stages of Marriage and How to Survive Them?

Listen to this article

We tend to think of marriage as a block of time in our lives.  We got married.  This block of time begins, and we hope it continues running linearly until “death do us part.”  

Most couples begin walking on the clouds and expect that this lovey-dovey phase should continue to persist all their lives. Many other couples might be more practical, yet when some unexpected challenges arise, they are taken aback.

Suddenly, the person you loved so much seems to be changing. 

According to Dionne Eleanor, an experienced transformational coach:

Marriage is not a continuous loop of perfection; it’s evolving stages where love deepens with each step.

As and how time flies, the relationship appears to be undergoing a huge transformation. But, we are somewhere stuck in the blissful nostalgia of the honeymoon phase and compare every change in the present with the past. This leads to further disappointment.

But marriage is not one compartmentalized segment of our lives.  There are distinct stages of the marriage cycle, which each couple passes through from the beginning until the end.  

Related Reading: 5 Stages of a Relationship and How to Survive Them

What are the 7 stages of marriage?

So, what are the 7 stages of marriage? The following are listed the 7 stages of marriage.

Learning about these stages will help you understand the journey of marriage, right from the beginning till the very end.

Understanding these seven stages in detail can help you enjoy the beauty of your relationship in every phase of your life as well as help you anticipate the challenges well in advance. This way, you would be better prepared as you would know what to expect!

Stage one:  The honeymoon phase 

The first of the marriage stages is the honeymoon phase which covers the initial years of marriage, where everything is beautiful.  The honeymoon stage generally lasts 1-3 years.

The two of you are head over heels in love. Your partner can do no wrong.  

His little quirks, such as loading the dishwasher in a precise fashion or gargling noisily with the mouthwash, are perceived as adorable and charming.  You are wearing your rose-colored glasses; he’s got stars in his eyes.

Of all the phases of marriage, the honeymoon phase is an important one as it promotes bonding and encourages intimacy and trust-building.  

Mother Nature knows what she is doing with the Honeymoon phase, she is ensuring the perpetuation of the species.  You find each other so amazing; your brain is swimming in endorphins and sex hormones. 

Savor this stage of marriage and take advantage of it!

Stage two: Coming down to earth  

In the second stage of marriage, the bloom comes off the rose.  Oh, you still enjoy your partner, but in this stage, you realize they are human beings with all that implies.  

They have their faults and habits that you do not find as cute as during the honeymoon stage.  You may find yourself asking the question, “What was I thinking?”

Dionne Eleanor further says:

As the honeymoon haze fades, reality unveils the true colors of your partner, inviting a deeper understanding of their genuine self…and yourself in response.

Not to worry, of all the stages in marriage, stage two is where you both reveal your authentic selves to each other.  This is important in stages of marriage because you can now start laying the groundwork for a genuine lifelong bond. 

Stage two, the phase of adjustment, can last 3-5 years. Coming down to earth in stage two is normal. 

The absence of the “honeymoon high” does not mean your marriage is in trouble.  As with all stages of marriage, good dialogue in your couple will be key in moving through stage two.  

Talk about expectations, and what you might like to see done differently, and remember to give gratitude for what is working well.  Above all, keep the lines of communication open.

Stage three: If only they’d change, everything would be perfect!

In stage three of the stages of marriage, a mini-rebellion occurs.  You spent the two previous stages of marriage happily finding all the ways you were connected. 

 You had so much in common!  Always on the same page!  

In stage three, you come into your own individual self, and suddenly you catch yourself thinking about your partner’s way of doing things. Completely wrong! 

Stage three, where you feel like you want to change your partner, can last 5-7 years, resulting in the famous “seven-year” itch, a fragile point in marriage where one may have an affair,  or opt to end the marriage.

But stage three also offers an opportunity for immense personal growth as you recognize and respect each other’s individuality. Using good communication and empathy skills, you learn to see each other’s world views.  

This provides you with a great opportunity to learn cooperative techniques when conflict arises, mastering the art of positive dialogue and productive conflict resolution. 

In stage three, you learn not to criticize each other’s differences but to embrace them.  They contribute to the whole that is your loving relationship.

Stage four: Smooth waters- gratitude for what you have built together 

Coming fourth in the stages of married life, this one provides a sense of settling in comfortably.  You have your routines, you truly know each other, and you feel a sense of safety and security in your relationship.  

This is often the stage where large life shifts will take place:  the arrival of children, a house purchase, and moving to another community.  

While there may be less time for sex and huge declarations of love (as opposed to the honeymoon phase), this is a smooth stage, one where you continue to strengthen your marital bond as you engage in common projects, such as child rearing.

Stage four, in the stages of marriage psychology, lasts a long period. It can last for almost 20 years.

Stage five:  Finding each other again –  the reunion stage 

Coming out of stage four, which can last 10-20 years, couples enter the fifth stage in stages of marriage.  The children are grown and flown. Careers are solid, and the house is likely to be paid off.  

In stage five, a good healthy marriage can be revitalized, as there are few distractions and time to focus again on each other.  

A new appreciation for your partner emerges.  You have both gone through so much in the previous stages and now can meet again as the full individuals you have become. 

However, middle age is here with all the challenges that it can represent.  Libidos may need a little enhancement through play, fantasy, new ways of intimacy, and even medication. 

 In stage five, it is vital to pay attention to physical and mental health concerns.  Stay fit, stay active, and stay engaged in the world to keep yourselves sharp and bright.  

When handled with awareness, stage five of the stages of marriage can be a fulfilling time of reunification with your spouse. Stage five -the period in which you and your spouse rediscover each other can last 3-5 years.

Dionne Eleanor adds:

It can feel delicious to reconnect with your partner’s true essence, rediscovering the connection as if it is new as you both evolve into new chapters of love.

Stage six: Attention-  Potential explosion!  

As your marriage moves into stage six, be aware that there are several factors that could contribute to an explosion in your couple life.  

For marriages that are not strong, stage six could be a time when one of you says, “Is this all there is?  I’ve got twenty more good years left, and I want to feel sexual happiness again!” 

What are the hardest years of marriage?  

Many points to stage six. In stage six, a feeling of “missing out” may occur.  This period of crisis can last for a couple of years.

Couples may explode, thinking that something better awaits them via dating platforms.  Or the stress of caring for aging parents may put your relationship asunder.  

With children out of the house, you only have yourselves, it seems, to focus on.  That may contribute to some marital dissatisfaction.  All the changes in marriage over a while might be taking their toll.

Tread carefully through stage six.  If you are sensing discord, it may be worth visiting a marriage counselor who can help you remember all the things you love about your partner and about being married.  

You two have a long history together.  In stage six, you can honor that and be grateful towards each other.

If you are looking forward to reviving your relationship, some advice can help you get started. Watch this video:

Stage seven: Fulfillment stage  

Over 40-50 percent of married couples do not make it to stage seven, so if you are here, congratulate yourselves for riding through the rougher times.

Stage seven is the fulfillment stage in the developmental stages of marriage. Stage seven, the golden years, will last until one of you leaves the earth.  Hopefully, this will be the longest stage of marriage!

Many partners use this stage to reflect on their long and rich history.  Vows may be renewed.  (Bonus points if you still fit into your wedding attire!) 

 There is a deep feeling of gratitude to be able to continue to wake up next to that person you chose to love and honor so many years ago.

Stage seven brings forth a lovely stable moment in your marriage.  There are grandchildren to enjoy, financial security, and the gift of doing with your time what you like to do. 

 You and your spouse are truly comfortable with each other.  Researchers find that these long-term couples have a high rate of marital happiness.  

They stuck it out through thick and thin and can now reap the rewards of all their hard work!

How to deal with these 7 stages of a marriage

Marriage is a complex journey that involves a series of stages, each with its own unique challenges and opportunities for growth. While every relationship is different, there are some common strategies that couples can use to navigate the different stages of marriage. 

Here are some tips on how to deal with the seven stages of marriage:

The honeymoon stage

During this stage, it’s important to enjoy each other’s company and build a strong emotional connection. Couples should focus on communication, expressing their love and affection, and spending quality time together. It’s also important to establish healthy boundaries and expectations for the relationship.

Related Reading: What Is Honeymoon? 

Coming down to earth stage

Starting to notice differences in their values, beliefs, and expectations can be challenging for a couple. This can lead to conflicts and disagreements, which can be difficult to resolve. To deal with this stage, couples should learn to communicate effectively and listen to each other’s perspectives. 

It’s important to compromise and find common ground while also respecting each other’s individuality.

The mini-rebellion stage

This is the stage of marriage when one or both partners feel the need to assert their independence and autonomy. To deal with this stage, couples should communicate openly and respectfully, set healthy boundaries, and work on finding a balance between independence and interdependence in the relationship.

The smooth waters stage

This stage can bring new challenges, such as blending families, planning for the future, and dealing with financial issues. To navigate this stage, couples should communicate openly and honestly about their goals and expectations. It’s important to work together as a team and support each other through life’s challenges.

The reunion stage

Along with the relief, this stage can bring new stresses and challenges, such as balancing work and family life, managing retirement finances, and dealing with parenting issues. To deal with this stage, couples should learn to prioritize and communicate effectively. It’s important to share the workload and support each other’s goals and dreams.

The attention stage

At this stage, couples experiences major challenges or setbacks in the relationship, such as illness or financial hardship. This can be a difficult stage to navigate, but it’s important to work through the issues and find a way to move forward. 

To deal with this stage, couples can seek professional help if needed, communicate honestly and openly, and work on rebuilding trust and forgiveness.

The fulfillment stage

Also called the wisdom stage, this is when couples have been together for many years and have gained a deeper understanding of each other and their relationship. This stage can be a time of reflection and gratitude, as well as a time to pass on wisdom to younger generations. 

To deal with this stage, couples should continue to communicate openly and work on personal growth. It’s important to appreciate each other and the life they have built together.

Which is the hardest phase of marriage?

The hardest phase of marriage can vary from couple to couple, as each relationship is unique. However, many couples find that the power struggle stage, where they begin to notice differences in their values, beliefs, and expectations, can be particularly challenging. 

This stage can lead to conflicts and disagreements, which can be difficult to resolve. It’s important for couples to communicate effectively, compromise, and find common ground while respecting each other’s individuality in order to navigate this challenging stage of marriage.

Sometimes, people are advised to go for a pre marital course to help them be prepared for all the stages of marriage ahead of them. 

Marriage is a journey, make it memorable!

Being mindful of the phases of marriage can be helpful as you move through your years together.  

If you are going through a rough stage, knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel can keep hope and love alive.  

And as you ease into your later stages of marriage hand in hand, knowing you have made it through all the stages and still have a solid love that lasts is one of the best feelings you can experience!