10 Ways to Support Your Spouse in Addiction Recovery

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Let’s face it. Marriage is not always easy. Every married couple goes through challenges and obstacles together.

But when one partner struggles with drug or alcohol addiction, there are unique difficulties that will come up. The good news is that if your partner wants a solution, addiction recovery is completely possible. 

However, being in addiction recovery is still very challenging. Your partner is going to need a lot of support from you.

What is drug addiction?

According to American Addiction Centers,

Drug addiction, in the simplest terms is the strong compulsion to get and use substances, even though a number of undesirable and dangerous consequences are likely to occur. Addiction has been described as a medical disorder that affects the brain and changes behavior.

Many organizations call drug addiction a disease as it alters the way the brain functions. Dopamine, one of the brain chemicals sends a signal to the brain that the experience of using a drug is important and should be repeated

These changes can be long-term or short-term and also expose the person to various physical complications like cardiovascular diseases, death, etc.

Signs of addiction in marriage

People might not disclose their addiction on their own unless the signs are very significant or detrimental. Some of the signs that will help you figure out that your spouse is an addict are:

• A feeling of anxiety or fear
• Wrong company of people or useless friendships
• Recurring financial problems
• Mood swings and erratic behavior
• Tiredness and indifference towards spouse and family
• Bad memory
• Suspicious behavior and the tendency of keeping secrets

What’s the difference between helping a partner, versus enabling a partner?

There is a very fine line between supporting the partner and enabling them. It is human nature to provide care and support, especially to the ones close to us.

Simply put, to support the partner means to help someone do or achieve something they are incapable of doing. In the case of drugs, it’s helping them keep the vice away. It is a behavioral characteristic that provides assistance to someone in gaining control over something.

On the other hand, an enabler is someone who, through their behavior, allows someone to do something. In the case of drugs, it means to enable alcoholic abuse. It means to support a behavior that is harmful.

Related Reading: 20 Steps to Becoming a Supportive Partner

How to support a recovering alcoholic spouse

So, what are the do’s and don’t for helping your addicted spouse?

There are several solutions for how to deal with a drug addict. You must love your spouse through the addiction recovery process and show them support. Here are 10 ways to be more supportive:

1. Be supportive of their recovery program

Whether your partner is in a 12-step program or an alternative addiction recovery program like SMART Recovery, they are going to need to dedicate a certain amount of time to their addiction recovery each week. This might mean going to meetings, calling a sponsor, or reading literature.

Be encouraging when your spouse wants to do any of those things, and understand that it’s going to require some time. Maybe this is a good chance for you to get engaged in a new hobby or passion of your own.

Whether your partner is in a 12-step program or an alternative recovery program like SMART Recovery, they are going to need to dedicate a certain amount of time to their recovery each week. This might mean going to meetings, calling a sponsor, or reading literature.

Be encouraging when your spouse wants to do any of those things, and understand that it’s going to require some time. Maybe this is a good chance for you to get engaged in a new hobby or passion of your own.

2. Don’t have drugs or alcohol in the house

How to help an addict?

I’m not saying you can’t have a glass of wine when you’re out with your friends, but it will be so much easier for your partner if you don’t drink or use drugs around them.

If they have a problem with prescription medicine, you may even need to take precautions to be in charge of their medicine or keep any of your own prescribed medicine away from them.

Just be aware that they may be more tempted if they have access to alcohol or drugs in their home.

Related Reading: When Is It Time to Leave an Alcoholic Spouse

3. Read helpful literature with your spouse

Your partner may be reading literature that’s associated with their program. They may pick up some helpful self-improvement books. Why not read these books along with them?

Then you can discuss the things you are reading together, and it will be just another way to support them in their program.

4. Encourage them to try new hobbies and passions

Is your partner interested in writing a novel? Do they want to take up photography or crocheting? Are they interested in taking a free history course online? Would they perhaps want to go back to school to become a nurse?

Encouraging your partner to pursue their dreams, hobbies, and interests is a great thing to do at any time, but especially when they are in recovery.

Addiction may have robbed them of their interests or hobbies, and one of the best things about addiction recovery is that they can get these back. Remind them of that.

5. Be patient in the event of relapses

Relapses happen. Some people say they are a part of addiction recovery.

If your partner relapses, try to be patient and loving. That doesn’t mean you have to condone the relapse, but just encourage them to get right back into their addiction recovery program.

Don’t dwell on being upset about the relapse. Let them know that you understand that people make mistakes, and tell them that you know how difficult alcohol and drug addiction can be. And let them know you have faith in them and that they can absolutely be successful in addiction recovery.

6. Work your own recovery program

Many loved ones of those who struggle with addiction find programs like Nar-Anon and Al-Anon to be helpful.

In these programs, loved ones of those who struggle with addiction actually go through the 12 steps themselves. The 12 steps are good for anyone to do, regardless of whether they struggle with alcohol or drugs. Both Al-Anon and Nar-Anon also have meetings and helpful literature as well.

Related Reading: Best Ways to Protect Yourself From an Abusive Partner

7. Make time to re-connect

As with any marriage, it’s essential that you take time to be together and reconnect.

Have regular date nights. Dress up and go out together. Do things you both enjoy. Try new things together like ziplining, horseback riding, or whitewater rafting.

One of the reasons those who have substance use disorder turn to alcohol and drugs is that they don’t feel loved, so make sure that your partner does feel loved.

Being married to someone in recovery isn’t always easy. It’s also true that you will meet some of the most amazing people in recovery, and addiction recovery can transform your partner’s life, your life, and your marriage. And you should always be supporting your spouse.

8. Avoid judging or blaming them

Your partner is already dealing with enough stress and anxiety while trying to get over the addiction. This is a long and painful process. So, do not lose patience or demoralize your partner for the addiction.

Judging your partner will strain your ties and ensue more quarrels. Judging someone is an ultimate relationship destroyer as it means opposing their behaviors and imposing your ideas and standards upon someone.

9. Remain safe

In the quest to pull your partner out of the trouble, make sure you do not get into some stress and take a negative path. 

This phase is as much a challenge for you as it is for them. So, while they are struggling to keep themselves away from the addiction, you should also focus on not getting into it under pressure too.

10. Try positive rewarding

Every person has a goal to achieve. For your partner, it’s coming out of this phase of addiction and enjoying the perks of a normal life. So, they should have something to look forward to. You might have promised them a vacation or any reward after they heal.

However, ensure that the positive rewarding is short-term as well so that with each step they take towards a better life, they feel encouraged with the reward. With short-term rewards, they will feel better acknowledged for the effort they are making. 

Related Reading: What Is Verbal Abuse: How to Recognize and Avoid Verbal Beatings

How substance abuse affects relationships

The effect of substance abuse can be devastating on the relationship. It changes the affected person’s personality significantly, who can turn extremely depressed or violent, in general. They also begin to hide the situation out of guilt and embarrassment, which worsens the situation for them. 

In situations like these, relationships might weaken as trust tends to dwindle with time. Also, being in a relationship with an addict means they will battle with extreme highs and lows of emotions that the spouse will need to handle. This can seem like a roller coaster. 

Besides, the person troubled with drug abuse also tends to avoid talking about the situation and learns to deal with it secretly. The situation, thus, continues and makes the relationship unhealthy.

First, take care of yourself in order to support

Follow self-care practices. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup. 

Be resilient while trying to help your partner who is overcoming the issue. While living with a recovering alcoholic, if you do not take care of yourself, you will not be able to care for them. Make sure you take care of your health and routine, apart from your partner’s. 

Seek therapy & treatment

Dealing with a drug addict spouse can be challenging, leaving very little room to find comfort. There could be times when you are not able to come up with a solution to their troubles. It’s like treading an unknown path, with the hope to find a ray of light. 

Get peer or professional support. During these challenging times, when you want to give up, count on your family, friends, or therapists to seek help for substance abuse treatment and decide on the solution. 

When considering where to get your husband the help he needs, you will have plenty of options that use different methods for winning this. There are many centers with doctors that will oversee the withdrawal period and physiologically work with their patients.

Being around other people that are experiencing similar scenarios can be very helpful for the addict. A great place to start looking for a good treatment is the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services’s Behavioral Treatment Services Locator. 

Talk with your insurance company to see what expenses or programs they are covering and ways that will help you with the treatment costs.  

Frankly, you will not always have a way out of a difficult situation. So, it’s best to rely on people around you for drug addiction help whom you trust.

Related Reading: 8 Signs for Recognizing Emotional Abuse

Creating an environment that sustains addiction recovery

Addiction is commonplace in the current society. Therefore, someone who is struggling with addiction needs an environment where they feel safe and unembarrassed. They can greatly be affected by their environment.

Just like they got into the addiction, and one kind of environment exposed them to it. Similarly, having healthy social connections will provide them with the necessary support to come out of it. 

Therefore, to improve the chances of success that has a direct correlation to the environment, introduce your partner to like-minded, sober people, and encourage a good routine.

Not just this, your partner will have to make an effort to follow the path of positive thinking to build not only mental health but physical health as well.

Takeaway

Addiction is a serious disease that can ruin lives very easily. It can affect the families, the friends, the marriage, and everyone that an addicted person loves. 

It is true that not every single need will be met in a relationship or a marriage, but being married to a drug addict can leave you stranded emotionally, financially, physically.

In the video below, Jacki Hillios discusses how important it is to have a positive environment for addiction recovery, and having fun is important. She says people are not their disease. So, it’s essential to be supportive.

Last but not least, make sure your partner is under the observation of a therapist for addiction therapy who provides an unparalleled continuum of support and tracks the progress of the addiction recovery.