How to Stop Emotional Abuse in Marriage- 15 Ways

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Love and affection. This is what one expects out of a relationship. However, there are some relationships that do start with love and affection two but end up being abusive.

We can’t deny that there are people suffering from physical and emotional abuse. While physical abuse is quite prominent, emotional abuse is difficult to identify.

What is emotional abuse in a marriage?

Emotional abuse is a type of abuse, but it is not physical or a visible form of abuse. Emotional abuse in a marriage involves belittling, insulting, threatening the partner, and using manipulative tactics to gain control and dominance over them.

According to Kimberly Smith, a licensed mental health counselor:

Emotional abuse is when one partner (the abuser) uses the other partner’s emotions to maintain control over the relationship. An emotional abuser’s intention is control instead of equal partnership.

Emotional abuse in marriage can lead to various serious mental problems, which can break a human completely.

Studies have even highlighted a correlation between emotional abuse and alexithymia.

Examples of emotional abuse

Check out these examples of emotional abuse in a marriage or relationship:

• When someone threatens their partner to leave on not agreeing to obey
• Lying to partner to hide some vital information
• Using derogatory language
• Silent treatment
• Treating the partner like a servant or a child 
• Threatening the partner for violence
• Frightening the partner that they won’t receive food etc if they don’t abide by the rules
• Isolating the partner and not allowing them to visit anywhere or letting people meet them

How does emotional abuse affect a marriage?

Emotional and verbal abuse is a form of domestic violence, and it can severely damage the marriage.

Check out these effects of emotional abuse in marriage:

• Imbalanced control

In a relationship involving emotional abuse, there is always an imbalanced control as one partner tries to take all the control in the relationship and dominate the other partner. This is bound to make the relationship unhealthy and unhappy.

• Low self-esteem

The victim often suffers from low self-esteem and lack of confidence. This makes you question your worthiness and constantly feel insecure.

• Mental health issues

Mental health issues are common when the partner uses a demeaning language to lower the confidence of their spouse.

• Toxic relationship patterns

The abuser often displays a negative pattern in the relationship which not only harms the relationship but also weakens the bond between the partners. Once the relationship becomes toxic, it’s hard to bring the relationship back to normal.

• Walking on eggshells

Usually, the victim in the relationship is always fearful of their partner and ultimately, lose their voice in the relationship.

15 easy ways to stop emotional abuse

Let’s understand how to stop emotional abuse in marriage or deal with emotional abuse and regain the confidence and strength to stand tall, with dignity and respect.

1. Don’t negotiate

One of the basic mistakes that most people make when they’re in emotionally abusive relationships is that they start ignoring their well-being.

Your partner will put you in the spot where you will have doubts about your own action. 

You’ll start believing their words and start ignoring yourself. Well, don’t do that.

2. Identify the cycle

Yes, there is a cycle that most of us kind of ignore.

Before you end emotional abuse, you must identify the cycle of abusive behavior.

To stop the emotional abuse cycle, look for the signs of abuse in a relationship, whether it happens when someone is around, or it usually happens every time, how your spouse tries to put you down, the way they want to control you, and others.

Once you’ve identified the pattern, it will be easy on how to stop emotional abuse in marriage.

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3. Draw the line

This has to end, at some point, it surely has to end. While you’re planning on confronting your emotional abuser, you must play it safe.

You’ve to subtly draw a line when and where they have to stop their abuse. They must subtly get the sign that they’ve crossed the line, and you’re not going to keep quiet thereon.

Once you’ve successfully drawn that line, you will see the change. An emotionally abusive wife or husband will ensure that they stay within limits without putting you in an awkward position.

4. It’s never your fault

While you’re coping with emotional abuse, make a note of one thing, it’s not your fault. 

An emotional abuser will try to blame you for everything negative and bad. They’ll ensure that you are always in stress and feel bad.

However, you have to understand that you’re not always wrong. You’re a human being, which means you can be at fault sometimes, but you’re not at fault all the time.

5. Some things are beyond your control

The usual reaction once you’ve identified emotional abuse is that you would try to fix it.

However, this shouldn’t be the first option for how to stop emotional abuse in marriage. You must understand that there are a few things that you can’t control or fix.

The moment you will try to fix it, you will tell the abuser about their mistake, which may elevate the issue.

As Kimberly Smith quotes:

Sometimes, the best solution is to leave the relationship if the abuse does not stop or ends up escalating to physical abuse due to the abuser insisting on maintaining control of the relationship.

So, instead of trying to fix it, try to adjust to it. You need to look at ways to cope up with it and not to put an end to it, which may work at times and may backfire sometimes.

Related Reading: Best Ways to Protect Yourself From an Abusive Partner

6. Stop encouraging

Another solution to stopping emotional abuse is to stop encouraging by reacting to it. An emotional abuser enjoys the act since you be a part of it. 

The day you’ll stop retaliating, the abuser will stop abusing you.

Emotional bullies enjoy a certain pleasure in seeing you helpless and weak. You’ve got to be strong and should not take everything as they come.

So, make sure you analyze the situation and whether or not you should react to it.

7. Have a support structure

Mostly, when we look for an answer to how to stop emotional abuse in marriage, we forget that we need to build a support structure around us first.

We might not be able to take care of everything and would find ourselves overwhelmed.

We need people who can stand with us and help us whenever needed. They will help us find answers to how to stop emotional abuse in marriage.

Related Reading: Signs of a Mentally Abusive Relationship

8. Surround yourself with positive people

This is where surrounding yourself with positive and good people will give you immense strength to fight. It’s never easy to be emotionally strong, but having positive thoughts and energy makes the fight easier.

So, prefer the company of positive and strong people.

9. Keep your health first

Understand that everyone has flaws. You’re not here to please someone and be their slave. You’re doing the best you can and mustn’t ignore your physical and mental health.

No matter how bad things turn up, always pay attention to your physical and mental health.

Related Reading: The Effects of Physical Abuse

10. Don’t follow your partner’s words

Don’t start believing whatever your partner says about you. Think for a while, and see if you are actually at fault. They might try to make you believe their own beliefs and persuade you against your own wishes.

However, introspect and take time to weigh the right against the wrong. Believe your own observations.

11. Love yourself

When you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship, you will observe that you’ll feel sad and negative most of the time. Your energy is down, and you will find it hard to follow tips on how to stand up to emotional abuse.

However, never stop loving and caring for yourself. Always pay heed to what your needs are and try meeting them. Give yourself that priority.

12. Communicate effectively

Communication is one of the most important pillars of a strong and respectful relationship. So, each day, ensure that you communicate your feelings to your partner and encourage them to open up too.

Once the gap is filled, you both will be able to understand each other better and mend the behavior that doesn’t go down well with each other.

13. Remain confident

In situations of emotional abuse, don’t give in and think you will handle it the next time. Act in the present. Show your confidence and communicate a No if you are not comfortable with how your partner is treating you.

14. Get help

Another way of how to stop emotional abuse in marriage is to take professional help. Get in touch with the relationship counselor and discuss your respective problems to find a solution and build a healthier relationship.

15. Walk away

One way of how to stop emotional abuse in marriage is to walk away if your partner is not paying heed to your needs and constantly exercising dominance and abuse on you. 

Abuse, in any form, in a marriage is not acceptable, and if your partner is not ready to mend their ways, it is best to leave the relationship. 

Can emotional abusers change?

Emotional and psychological abuse can leave a traumatic impact on the victim. Especially when it comes to relationships, it can scar the very bond the partners share.

The short answer to whether emotional abusers can change is Yes. With the right education and counseling, they will be able to notice their negative patterns and mend them. And with the right therapist and their partner’s patience, they will definitely commit to hard work. 

Takeaway

Understanding how to stop emotional abuse in marriage is essential in order to avoid relationship issues and enlighten the partner if they are doing anything toxic in the relationship. With the right steps and approach, things are sure to turn out better.

Not just this, you must also know when to stand up against the abuser, leave the emotional abuser, and walk away when the relationship is failing to serve you.