5 Telling Signs of Divorce Regret and Ways to Deal With It

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When a marriage seems to be irreparable, couples may make the decision to split. While it might seem like the right choice at the time, sometimes, down the road, we change our minds.

This is where divorce regret comes in. After the dust settles and the papers are signed, you might wish you had tried harder to work things out, instead of splitting. 

If you regret divorce after infidelity or another problem in the marriage, this article is for you. We’ll cover the ins and outs of divorce regret, including ways you can cope. 

What is divorce regret?

If you’re previously divorced, you might find that regret has settled in. Or, you might be in the throes of a split and asking yourself, “Will I regret divorce?” 

Divorce regret occurs when you experience remorse, second thoughts, or dissatisfaction after ending your marriage. 

When you  experience divorce regret, what once felt like the right decision now feels wrong, and you wish you could go back and change things. 

Anyone can experience divorce regret, but you may be more likely to struggle with it if you’re dealing with divorce regret and a midlife crisis. For instance, if you made a swift decision to end your marriage, you might later be left with regret.

Regardless of your exact circumstances, if you’re second guessing your divorce, you may be experiencing divorce regret.

5 signs of divorce regret

If you’re not sure whether you’re experiencing divorce regret, it can be helpful to look at some key signs of regret after divorce. 

The signs below often signify divorce regret.

1. Nostalgia related to the relationship 

If you’re beginning to feel nostalgic toward your marriage, you might be experiencing divorce regret. Perhaps you find your mind wandering to the good times you and your former spouse had together. 

Rather than thinking about the reasons you split, you long for the happy times you spent together. Sometimes these feelings can be overwhelming.

2. You’re feeling lonely

Even if your marriage wasn’t perfect, it still provided you with a constant companion. At the end of a long day, you had someone to come home to and share your worries with.

Now, you go to bed alone, no longer blessed with the opportunity to start and end your day with your spouse.

3. You miss family life

Divorce doesn’t just mean ending your relationship with your former spouse. It also means giving up the family life you once enjoyed. 

If you had children together, you might not get to spend every weekend or holiday with them anymore. Dynamics with extended family members also change, as you will likely give up relationships with your in-laws.

When you find yourself missing the family life you once had, you’re probably experiencing divorce regret.

4. You’re questioning your decision 

The final divorce papers may be signed, but you find yourself questioning whether you made the right choice. Rather than feeling certain, you’re second guessing yourself.

If you have to wonder whether divorcing was right, you’re probably suffering from divorce regret.  Along with second guessing yourself, you may feel guilty for not trying harder to save your marriage. 

5. You compare everyone to your former spouse

Perhaps you’ve started to date again, but you just can’t stop comparing everyone to your former spouse. If you’re experiencing divorce regret, others will not compare favorably.

You might even begin to idealize your former spouse, placing them on a pedestal above everyone else. When you realize that others don’t compare to the person you married, you’ll regret your decision to divorce. 

How to deal with divorce regret: 7 expert tips

Perhaps you realize, “I regret divorcing my husband for another man.” Or, maybe you’re simply regretting the decision to give up on your marriage, rather than fighting to fix it.

Regardless of your situation, divorce regret can come with some intense and painful emotions. Learning to cope can help you feel like yourself again. 

Consider the coping strategies below.

1. Give yourself some grace

When you’re caught up in divorce regret, you might start blaming yourself for the breakdown of your marriage. Perhaps you convince yourself that everything was your fault, or that there was more you could have done to save the marriage.

Try not to get stuck in this pattern of thinking. Instead, give yourself some grace. Recognize that you’re only human, and the end of the marriage involved two people. 

2. Remind yourself why things ended 

If you find yourself experiencing nostalgia related to your marriage, it can be helpful to remind yourself why things ended. Certainly, you experienced good times, but there were also bad times if you chose to call it quits.

When we experience divorce regret, we tend to put on our rose-colored glasses, remembering only the good times. It can be helpful to bring yourself back to reality, and think about the things that weren’t so good. 

3. Allow yourself to grieve 

Even if ending the marriage was the best choice, divorce is still a source of grief. It represents the end of a relationship, which is a loss, regardless of the problems in the relationship.

When you entered your marriage, you probably didn’t plan for things to go awry. You had hopes and dreams for your future together, and divorce means the loss of those hopes and dreams.

With this in mind, allow yourself to grieve. If this means mourning the loss of the marriage and allowing yourself to be sad, 

4. Practice self-care

Coping with divorce regret can be challenging, so it’s important to be kind to yourself during this time. Treat yourself well with regular self-care. This means taking time for rest and relaxation, as well as engaging in enjoyable hobbies.

It’s also important to nourish your body with healthy foods, and make time for regular exercise. When you care for yourself, you’ll have an easier time managing your emotions as well. 

To learn more about how to retrain your brain using self-care, watch this video:

5. Seek social support

Talking with a trusted friend or family member can be beneficial when you’re struggling with divorce regret. A loved one can provide a listening ear, validate your feelings, and provide a neutral perspective.

Think about friends or relatives you’d be comfortable sharing your concerns with; chances are, they’d be happy to talk with you. 

6. Focus on your own goals

Your marriage ended, and you may have made mistakes, but you cannot change the past. What you can change, however, is what happens in the future.

Rather than focusing on your divorce regret, take some time to focus on your own goals. Set some reasonable, yet challenging, goals to create a better future for yourself. 

7. Reach out for help

Sometimes, regret and grief after a divorce can be overwhelming. Negative emotions may become so strong that you have a difficult time functioning in daily life.

If this is the case, you may benefit from working with a counselor or therapist. These mental health professionals can help you adjust to the end of your marriage and cope with feelings related to divorce regret.

FAQs

Divorce is a big step to take, and having regrets about it can lead to various questions. Here are the answers to some pressing questions about divorce regret that can help you understand things better: 

• Is it normal to regret getting a divorce?

The end of a marriage means losing social connections, including those with extended family on the former spouse’s side.

Divorce can also lead to financial difficulties from loss of income and the splitting of the family into two separate households, which must be financially maintained. 

• Does divorce guilt ever go away?

With time, healing can occur, and divorce regret will diminish. Allowing yourself to grieve and practicing self-care can be helpful. If feelings of guilt and regret do not diminish, you may benefit from working with a counselor or therapist to process your emotions. 

• What is usually the biggest regret after a divorce?

There is no single biggest regret after a divorce. People may regret several things, such as the loss of the family unit, the financial strain that comes from divorce, and the mistakes they made during the marriage. They may also regret not having tried harder to save the marriage.

• When does divorce regret set in?

There isn’t an exact timeline for divorce regret, but it tends to appear when reality sets in. Immediately after a divorce, you may experience shock or disbelief if you weren’t the one who initiated it.

On the other hand, if you wanted the divorce or things were rocky in the marriage, you may initially feel happy. Once the newness of divorce wears off, and you find yourself facing the reality of singlehood, regret may set in. 

This can be especially true if you’re feeling lonely or struggling financially in the aftermath of the divorce. 

Concluding remarks

Divorce regret can be a common reaction following the dissolution of a marriage. Even if you wanted the divorce at the time, you may begin to regret your decision when reality sets in.

Perhaps you realize you could have done more to save the marriage. Or, maybe you realize how difficult it is to tackle life on your own. 

If you’re in the midst of divorce regret, trust that healing is possible. Sometimes, even the right decision can be difficult and leave us second guessing ourselves.

Take some time to grieve and focus on your healing. If you find you aren’t able to overcome divorce guilt on your own, you may benefit from working with a counselor or therapist to learn coping skills.