How to Get the Spark Back in Your Relationships After Kids

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In the beautiful chaos of raising children, it’s easy to lose sight of the love that started it all.

You and your partner, once inseparable, now find yourselves barely having a moment alone. The demands of parenting have taken over, leaving little time for the romance that once defined your relationship. 

Sleepless nights, endless to-do lists, and the constant needs of little ones can make it feel like the spark you once had is fading.

Have you ever caught yourself wondering, “How do we get the spark back in our marriage?” It’s a common question that many couples face after kids enter the picture. 

Pause. If you constantly feel like you’re losing the spark in marriage, know that you’re not alone.

But there’s hope. This article will guide you through understanding the challenges and provide best tips on how to get the spark back in marriage, helping you reignite the connection that brought you together in the first place.

How does your relationship change after having children?

Having children is a life-changing experience, filled with love, joy, and challenges. While the arrival of a baby brings immense happiness, it also brings changes to your relationship that you might not expect. 

The dynamic between you and your partner shifts, and managing this new terrain can feel overwhelming. Understanding how your relationship evolves after children can help you find ways to keep the spark alive.

Practically takes over

Before kids, conversations with your partner likely revolved around dreams, plans, and shared interests. After children, however, communication often shifts to more practical matters—like who’s picking up the groceries or handling bedtime routines. 

While these conversations are necessary, it’s easy to lose the deep, meaningful connection you once had. To keep the spark alive, it’s important to carve out time for those deeper talks that go beyond the daily grind.

Intimacy shifts

With sleepless nights and endless responsibilities, intimacy can become less of a priority. The exhaustion that comes with parenting can make it hard to find time or energy for physical closeness, leading to feelings of disconnect. 

If you’re wondering how to get the spark back, it’s about finding small moments to reconnect physically and emotionally, even amidst the chaos.

Priorities and time management

After children, your priorities naturally change, with your little ones taking center stage. This often means less time for just the two of you, and that can strain the relationship if not managed well. 

It’s crucial to intentionally make time for each other, even if it’s just a few minutes of quality time each day, to remind yourselves of the love that brought you together in the first place.

5 common challenges couples face in their relationship after becoming parents

As you both navigate the demands of raising a child, it’s easy to feel disconnected or overwhelmed. 

First, you need to understand what common scenarios can help you address the challenges effectively and then find ways to get the spark back in your relationship.

A. Lack of quality time together

Between sleepless nights and never-ending responsibilities, finding time for each other can become a real challenge. Without intentional effort, you may find yourselves drifting apart, wondering how to get the spark back in your relationship.

B. Decreased intimacy

Physical closeness often takes a hit when you’re both exhausted and focused on caring for your child. This can lead to feelings of frustration or loneliness, making it essential to rediscover intimacy as part of getting the spark back in your relationship.

C. Increased Stress and Anxiety

Parenthood brings a new level of stress, whether it’s worrying about your child’s well-being or balancing work and family life. This heightened stress can create tension between you, making it harder to maintain a positive connection.

D. Communication breakdowns

With the demands of parenting, conversations can become more about logistics and less about emotional connection. Over time, this can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of being unheard, making it crucial to prioritize open, honest communication.

E. Shift in priorities

Your relationship often takes a backseat as you both focus on your child. While this is natural, it’s important to remember that maintaining your bond is key to a healthy family dynamic. 

Figuring out how to get the spark back in your relationship involves finding ways to balance your roles as parents and partners.

Why is it important to maintain intimacy after kids?

After having kids, it’s easy for intimacy to slip down the list of priorities. Between sleepless nights, diaper changes, and endless to-do lists, finding time for each other can feel impossible. 

However, maintaining intimacy is key for keeping your relationship strong and connected. When you focus on how to get the spark back in your relationship, you’re not only nurturing your bond but also setting a positive example for your children. 

Below are some strong reasons why maintaining intimacy after kids is so important:

Top 10 tips for keeping the spark alive after kids

When kids come into the picture, it’s easy to feel like the spark between you and your partner has dimmed a bit. 

But don’t worry—keeping that connection alive after having children is totally doable and so important for your relationship. Here are ten fun and creative ways to keep the love strong and the spark alive:

1. Sneak in little moments of affection in the middle of the chaos

Life with kids can be hectic, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find moments to show affection. 

A quick kiss while passing each other in the kitchen, a gentle touch on the arm during dinner, or a warm embrace before bed can go a long way in keeping the connection strong. These small gestures remind you both that, despite the busyness, your love is still a priority.

Quick tip: Set a goal to share at least three affectionate touches each day. It could be as simple as a hug, a kiss, or holding hands for a moment longer.

2. Make date nights a must, even if it’s just cozying up on the couch after bedtime

Date nights don’t have to be elaborate or expensive; what matters is carving out time to focus on each other. 

After the kids are asleep, turn off the TV and spend time together—whether it’s enjoying a glass of wine, playing a board game, or simply talking. This dedicated time helps you reconnect and keep the spark alive in your relationship.

Quick tip: Schedule a weekly at-home date night where you do something special together, like cooking a new recipe or watching a movie you’ve both been eager to see.

3. Surprise each other with thoughtful gestures that say, “I’m thinking of you”

Surprises don’t have to be grand; they just need to be thoughtful. It could be leaving a sweet note in their lunch, sending a flirty text during the day, or bringing home their favorite treat. 

These little gestures show that you’re thinking about them and that you still care about making them smile. It’s a great tip on how to put the spice back in your marriage.

Quick tip: Make a habit of doing one small, unexpected thing for your partner each week. It can be as simple as brewing their coffee just the way they like it or picking up a small gift that reminds you of them.

4. Turn everyday routines into chances to connect

Everyday routines might not seem romantic, but they can be great opportunities to bond. 

Whether you’re folding laundry together, doing the dishes, or cooking dinner, these moments can be transformed into quality time. Chat about your day, share a laugh, or just enjoy being in each other’s company while tackling chores.

Quick tip: Choose one chore you can do together and make it fun. Play your favorite music, dance around the kitchen, or turn it into a light-hearted competition.

5. Keep talking, and make sure it’s not just about the kids

It’s easy to fall into the trap of only talking about the kids, but your relationship needs its own space too. 

Make an effort to talk about things that matter to you as individuals and as a couple—your dreams, goals, and what excites you. This kind of communication helps when you’re wondering how to keep a marriage alive and ensures you’re growing together, not apart.

Quick tip: Set aside 15 minutes each day to talk about something other than the kids. Use this time to discuss your hopes, future plans, or even just what’s on your mind.

6. Reignite the intimacy by finding small ways to be close. Include simple hugs

Intimacy doesn’t always have to mean sex—it’s about closeness and connection. Simple acts like holding hands, snuggling on the couch, or giving a long hug can reignite the physical connection that often fades in the busyness of parenting. These small moments can lead to deeper intimacy over time.

Quick tip: Make it a point to share a long hug or cuddle every day, especially during those quiet moments before bed or when you wake up in the morning.

7. Laugh together even if it means sharing a simple joke

How to keep the spark alive? Just laugh! 

Laughter is a powerful tool in keeping your relationship vibrant and fun. When you laugh together, you’re reminded of the joy and happiness you share. Whether it’s watching a funny movie, recalling an inside joke, or just being silly, laughter can ease stress and bring you closer.

Quick tip: Find a TV show, movie, or even a series of funny YouTube videos that you both enjoy. Make time to watch them together and share a good laugh.

8. Cheer each other on in your personal passions and hobbies outside of parenting

Supporting each other’s interests outside of parenting is crucial for maintaining individuality and mutual respect. 

Encourage your partner to pursue their hobbies, whether it’s painting, running, or learning something new. By being their biggest cheerleader, you show that you value who they are as an individual, not just as a co-parent.

Quick tip: Show interest in your partner’s hobbies by asking about their progress, joining them occasionally, or surprising them with something related to their passion.

Here’s a helpful video on how you can support your partner on rough days:

9. Take a trip down memory lane and remind yourselves why you fell in love in the first place

Revisiting the early days of your relationship can reignite the feelings that brought you together. Look through old photos, talk about your first dates, or visit places that are special to you both. 

Remembering those moments can help you on your quest of how to bring the spark back to the relationship.

Quick tip: Dedicate an evening to sharing memories. Pull out old photos, watch your wedding video, or simply talk about the moments that made you fall in love.

10. Carve out time to dream and plan your future together

While parenting is a huge part of your life, it’s important to remember that you’re also partners with your own dreams and goals. 

Take time to discuss your future together, whether it’s planning a trip, setting new life goals, or just imagining what life will look like in the years to come. This helps keep the spark alive in your relationship by giving you both something to look forward to together.

Quick tip: Set up a monthly “dream date” where you discuss your future goals and dreams as a couple. This can be over coffee, during a walk, or on a quiet evening at home.

Nurturing love beyond parenthood

In the whirlwind of parenting, it’s easy to let your relationship take a backseat. But remember, the love that started it all is still there, waiting to be nurtured. 

Keeping the spark alive after having kids isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about the little things, the everyday moments where you choose to connect. 

As you navigate the ups and downs of parenthood, make it a priority to also nurture your bond as partners. Look forward, knowing that your relationship is evolving, and with a bit of effort and intention, it can grow even stronger. 

After all, the foundation of a happy family is a strong, loving partnership. So take a deep breath, lean into the love you share, and embrace this journey together.