7 Long-Term Psychological Effects of Infidelity & How to Cope

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Have you ever been cheated on? It’s like the rug getting ripped out from under you. One minute you feel secure, the next you’re questioning everything. It leaves you feeling hurt, confused, and way worse than just a little sad. 

Imagine this: Sarah thought she had the perfect relationship with Tom, planning their future together, sharing dreams, and building what seemed like a lifetime of memories. Then, one day she sees messages on Tom’s phone from someone else—messages that were not meant for her eyes. Suddenly, the world as Sarah knew it started crumbling around her.

You might start wondering what you did wrong, replaying moments in your head, and questioning your self-worth.

The trust you built, the foundation of your relationship, feels shattered. The thought of trusting someone that deeply again can feel terrifying. And on top of that emotional rollercoaster, infidelity can bring on long-term psychological effects like anxiety, sadness, and stress that can be tough to shake.

But here’s the thing: you’re not alone. Being cheated on is a painful experience, and it’s completely normal to feel hurt. Understanding how it affects you, including the long-term psychological effects of infidelity, is the first step towards healing and moving forward.

7 long term psychological effects of infidelity

Infidelity can leave enduring emotional scars on individuals and relationships. Beyond initial heartbreak, the long-term psychological effects of infidelity can include persistent feelings of insecurity, reduced self-worth, and difficulty trusting others. 

The breach of trust can lead to challenges in forming and maintaining healthy connections, affecting future relationships. Ongoing emotional distress, such as anxiety, depression, and even post-traumatic stress, may result from the betrayal. 

These effects highlight the complexity of navigating the aftermath of infidelity and the importance of seeking support to heal and rebuild emotional well-being.

1. Trust issues

Being cheated on can make it really hard to trust anyone again. This isn’t just limited to romantic partners – you might find yourself questioning the honesty of friends and family too. It’s like the foundation of your relationships has been shaken, leaving you unsure of who to rely on.

• For example: After discovering her partner’s affair, Maria struggles to trust her colleagues and friends, interpreting innocent remarks as potential deceit. This distrust seeps into professional relationships, making teamwork and collaboration more stressful and fraught with suspicion.

2. Low self-esteem

Cheating can make you feel like you’re not good enough, like something is lacking in you. You might question your looks, your personality, or wonder if you did something wrong to cause the betrayal. It’s important to remember that your worth is not defined by someone else’s actions.

• For example: Tom, who was cheated on, sees his new partner getting ready for a night out and feels a pang of insecurity. He questions why they are dressing up and if it’s for someone else, reflecting his diminished self-esteem and internalized feelings of inadequacy.

3. Anxiety and depression

Finding out someone cheated can trigger a wave of emotions – anger, confusion, sadness, and a deep sense of loss. It’s normal to feel like your world is upside down. These feelings can linger for a long time, and it’s okay to acknowledge them. Bottling them up won’t make them disappear.

• For example: Since the infidelity, Jenna experiences anxiety whenever her new partner doesn’t immediately respond to texts or calls. She spends sleepless nights worrying about the stability of her current relationship, leading to bouts of depression fueled by a constant fear of abandonment.

4. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Infidelity can manifest as intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, heightened emotional reactivity, and avoidance of reminders related to the affair. 

The traumatic impact of betrayal can lead to a prolonged state of distress, resembling the psychological responses seen in individuals who have undergone traumatic events. This underscores the severity of the emotional turmoil caused by infidelity and the need for professional support to address these effects.

• For example: Every time Alex hears a song that was playing during a significant moment with his ex who cheated, he is bombarded with flashbacks of finding out about the affair. These intrusive memories trigger panic attacks, resembling PTSD responses, making it hard for him to move past the trauma.

5. Emotional rollercoaster

It’s normal to feel all kinds of emotions after being cheated on, and they might come in waves. You might feel angry one moment, then incredibly sad the next. You might even feel guilt, wondering if there was something you could have done differently. 

• For example: Sarah finds herself oscillating between anger and sadness when she attends events that remind her of happier times before the betrayal. At a friend’s wedding, she feels sudden anger at the celebrating couple, followed by profound sadness for what she lost.

6. Difficulty in forming attachments

The aftermath of infidelity can influence how individuals approach future relationships. Fear of being hurt again might lead to a reluctance to open up or form deep emotional connections.

Experiencing or witnessing cheating can create a lasting impression that people are not to be fully trusted, impacting future relationships and interactions. This can result in a guarded and cynical outlook, where the belief in genuine, faithful connections becomes challenging to maintain.

• For example: After his previous partner cheated, Liam finds it difficult to open up emotionally to potential partners. He avoids deep conversations about feelings or future plans, fearing that forming a strong emotional bond could lead to another painful betrayal.

7. Impact on future relationships

Even if the betrayed partner eventually enters a new relationship, the scars of infidelity can continue to affect their behavior and emotional responses. It might lead to a fear of commitment or a heightened vigilance for signs of potential betrayal.

Individuals who have experienced infidelity might struggle with issues related to trust, intimacy, and commitment in new relationships. The fear of being hurt again can hinder their ability to fully engage and open up emotionally.

• For example: Even in a new, supportive relationship, Emily remains vigilant for any sign of dishonesty. She often misinterprets her partner’s late work nights as potential cheating, which causes frequent misunderstandings and strains the relationship.

11 ways to cope with long-term psychological effects of infidelity

Coping with the long-term psychological effects of being cheated on can be challenging, as it often involves dealing with complex emotions such as betrayal, hurt, anger, and loss of trust. So, how to overcome infidelity?

While everyone’s journey is unique, here are nine ways to help you understand the long-term psychological effects of infidelity and work toward healing:

1. Allow yourself to grieve

You’re hurting, and that’s completely normal. Being cheated on is a major blow. It’s okay to feel all the feels – anger, sadness, confusion. 

Infidelity is like a wound, and healing takes time. 

So how does a person recover from being cheated on? 

Well, the first step is acknowledging the pain and giving yourself permission to grieve the lost trust. Be patient, everyone heals at their own pace. The most important thing is to let yourself feel everything and know that things will get better, one step at a time.

• Try this: Write down your feelings in a journal. This can be a safe space to express your emotions freely, without judgment, and can help you identify and process them more effectively.

2. Seek professional help

Consider working with a therapist or counselor who specializes in relationship issues or infidelity. A professional can provide you with a safe space to express your feelings and guide you through the healing process.

• Try this:  Look for a therapist who uses evidence-based approaches, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). These therapies can equip you with tools to manage difficult emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

3. Communicate openly

If you’re trying to rebuild the relationship, open and honest communication is crucial. Both partners need to be willing to discuss the infidelity, its impact, and their feelings without judgment or defensiveness.

• Try this: Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs. For example, “I felt hurt and betrayed when I found out about the affair. I need to know what you’re willing to do to rebuild trust.”

4. Set boundaries

Establish clear boundaries that help you feel safe and respected in the relationship. Boundaries can help rebuild trust and create a healthier dynamic moving forward.

• Try this: Clearly communicate your boundaries with your partner, both regarding acceptable behavior and how you want to be treated. Be firm but respectful when enforcing these boundaries.

5. Practice self-care

Focus on your well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. 

Prioritizing self-care allows you to focus on your emotional healing and provides a healthy outlet for your emotions. By taking care of yourself, you’re better equipped to navigate the challenges of coping with the psychological effects of infidelity.

• Try this: Get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet, and exercise regularly. These lifestyle changes can improve your mood, energy levels, and overall well-being.

6. Lean on supportive relationships

Surround yourself with friends, family, or support groups that offer understanding, empathy, and encouragement. Sharing your feelings with those you trust can provide valuable emotional support.

• Try this: Join a support group specifically for people who have experienced infidelity. This can connect you with others who understand your situation and can offer support and encouragement.

7. Manage negative thoughts

Challenge and reframe negative thought patterns that can arise after infidelity. Cognitive-behavioral techniques can help you restructure your thinking and reduce anxiety or depression.

• Try this: Challenge negative thoughts by asking yourself if they are realistic and helpful. Replace them with more positive and empowering thoughts about yourself and your future.

8. Allow time for healing

Healing from the long-term impact of infidelity or overcoming infidelity takes time. Be patient with yourself and your partner if you’re choosing to work through the aftermath together.

• Try this: Healing is not linear. There will be good days and bad days. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress, no matter how small.

9. Consider forgiveness

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning the actions that caused pain. It’s about letting go of the desire for revenge and freeing yourself from the emotional burden. However, forgiveness is a personal decision and may not be appropriate for everyone.

• Try this: Forgiveness is for you, not for your partner. It’s about letting go of resentment and anger so you can move forward with your life. There’s no right or wrong answer – choose what feels right for you.

10. Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness exercises can help you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions without judgment. This can be helpful in managing the overwhelming emotions that can arise after infidelity.

There are many mindfulness techniques available, such as meditation, yoga, and deep breathing exercises. Focusing on the present moment can help you detach from negative thoughts and anxieties stemming from infidelity.

• Try this: Try a guided meditation app to help you learn mindfulness techniques. There are many free and paid options available.

To learn more about how to understand and implement everyday mindfulness, watch this video:

11. Engage in creative expression

Journaling, creative writing, painting, or other forms of creative expression can provide a healthy outlet for processing your emotions. Putting your feelings into words or art can be a cathartic experience and help you gain a better understanding of your own thoughts and feelings.

• Try this: If you’re not comfortable writing, try another creative outlet like painting, sculpting, or playing music. Let your emotions flow freely through your chosen art form.

Some helpful resources 

While healing is possible, it’s important to acknowledge that infidelity can be a deeply traumatic experience. If you’re struggling with overwhelming emotions, difficulty coping, or the situation is impacting your daily life, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. 

Some resources that can help:

• Hotlines: You can also call a crisis hotline for immediate support. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) can offer resources and support even in situations of emotional abuse.
• Programs: The Gottman Institute offers a directory of Affair Recovery programs
• Support group: Healing Hearts provides online support groups specifically for those dealing with infidelity.

What is cheating in a relationship?

Infidelity, also known as cheating, is a betrayal of trust in a romantic relationship. It happens when someone has emotional or physical intimacy with another person outside the relationship. This intimacy can range from flirting and kissing to a full-blown secret romance. 

The key thing is that infidelity goes against the boundaries and expectations set by the couple.

Think of it like a special agreement between partners. This agreement might be to only have romantic feelings for each other, or it could extend to things like not getting emotionally attached to anyone else. Whatever the agreement is, infidelity is like breaking that promise and sneaking around behind your partner’s back.

It’s important to remember what counts as cheating can vary depending on the couple. Some couples might be okay with a harmless flirt, while others would consider it a betrayal. 

Just have an open and honest conversation with your partner about what you both expect and what would make you feel uncomfortable. 

Does the pain of infidelity go away?

Infidelity can feel like a sucker punch, leaving you with a mix of anger, sadness, and confusion. It’s normal to feel lost and hurt – the long-term emotional effects of being cheated on can be tough to deal with.

Imagine it like healing a broken bone – it’s a process that might need some support, perhaps even a cast (like therapy) for a while. But with time and care, you’ll be stronger than before. 

The key is to be patient with yourself. You can rebuild your trust and happiness, one step at a time. Remember, you’re not alone. There are people who care about you and can help you through this difficult journey.

How long does it take to heal from infidelity?

Infidelity can feel like a betrayal that cuts deep. Healing, like a wound, takes time (months to years) and varies for everyone. Be patient with yourself. 

Emotions will be all over the place, and that’s okay. Talk to someone you trust or seek professional help. 

You’re not alone. 

With time and support, you’ll heal and move forward, stronger than before.

Summing up

Dealing with the aftermath of infidelity is challenging, filled with emotional highs and lows. It can leave deep scars and strain relationships, underscoring the long-term effects of infidelity. 

Yet, it also offers an opportunity for positive change. 

Engaging in therapy and maintaining honest communication can help transform pain into growth. Recognizing the consequences of infidelity is crucial, as this awareness is essential for healing and gradually rebuilding trust. 

Remember, moving forward takes time and effort, but with the right support and mindset, you can emerge stronger.