15 Likely Reasons Why Your Wife Avoids Intimacy

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Have you noticed that your wife has not actively participated when it comes to being intimate with you? Maybe she has been rejecting your advances and giving different reasons why she cannot have sex with you for the time being. 

You can get to know some of the possible reasons why your wife is avoiding intimacy even though she hasn’t given any reason yet. After going through these possible reasons in this article, be prepared to communicate with her so that you can look for a way forward.

What does it mean when your wife won’t touch you?

No clear-cut reason can be ascribed to why your wife does not touch you. One of the best ways to find out is to discuss it with her. 

Avoid bringing up the issue combatively. However, speak to her with love, and make it easy for her to open up to you. When she relays her concerns, put heads together to come up with a solution.

15 possible reasons why your wife avoids intimacy

Sometimes, marriages experience different issues that can reduce the intimacy between partners. If you notice that your wife avoids intimacy, be careful not to blame her for it. Rather, discover why she doesn’t want to be intimate with you.

Here are some of the likely reasons when it comes to wife avoiding intimacy

1. She’s busy

One of the reasons why the wife doesn’t want intimacy might be that she is busy with some engagements that have taken her time. Some women are usually spent to the point where they may not have the energy and interest for sex. Therefore, it is important that you don’t add to your wife’s stress.

Rather, try to understand what she is going through and help her work around creating time to be intimate with you. Also, you can help her with some of the tasks taking her time so that she will be well-rested and energized.

Related Reading: 25 Signs She’s Not Worth Your Time

2. You don’t have the same views on the importance of sex

Concerning a wife avoiding intimacy, it might be that she doesn’t understand the importance of sex as you do. So, she might not be motivated to be intimate like you would if you were in her shoes.

Instead of blaming her for it, have an open and honest conversation about what sex means to you. She might not be willing to do all you want, but the two of you should be open to meeting in the middle to satisfy both parties.

Aleksandar Stulhofer and other authors discussed how intimacy and sexual distress can affect partners, and they used European couples as a case study. The research is titled Relationship intimacy, sexual distress, and help-seeking for sexual problems among older European couples; a hybrid dyadic approach. 

3. She feels pressured by you

Another reason why your wife avoids emotional intimacy might be that you’ve been pressuring her. You might be asking for too much more than she can handle, which is beginning to affect her differently. 

When it comes to being intimate with your partner, it should not be done under pressure. Rather, both parties should be willing to do it because they enjoy doing so.

To solve this, modify your expectations when it comes to intimacy. Communicate with her to know what she prefers, and come to a compromise with her.

4. She doesn’t like your style of sex

Regarding wife avoiding intimacy, it might be that she is uncomfortable with the style of sex you prefer. Some women might not want to talk about this because they don’t want to offend you, so they may prefer to keep their distance when having intimate moments.

If you suspect this is happening, you can discuss with her what she prefers when having sex. Allow her to suggest some styles that she feels comfortable with so that she would be happy when intimate with you.

Related Reading: What Is Passionate Sex? 15 Ways to Have Passionate Sex

5. She doesn’t feel emotionally connected to you

The lack of emotional connection might be one of the reasons when it comes to your wife avoiding intimacy. Some people need an emotional connection to be intimate with their partners, while others may have to string it along to satisfy their partners. 

When you notice this, ensure you find out what is happening with her. It might be due to external or internal issues, so it is up to the two of you to find a solution to whatever is affecting her so that it doesn’t further wreck the marriage.

6. There are ongoing problems between the two of you

If you have asked questions like what does it mean when your wife doesn’t want you to touch her, it might be that there are problems in the relationship.

For instance, if the two of you disagree about an issue, it might be difficult for her to be intimate with you except the two of you settle the conflict. When things are going fine between you, there is a good chance she will be intimate with you without any pressure.

7. Motherhood is affecting her

Sometimes, when your wife shows no intimacy, it might be that the demands of motherhood are affecting her. When some women become mothers, they might find it hard to be intimate with their partners and still cater to their young ones.

She might begin to see herself as a mother rather than someone who needs to satisfy her partner. If you feel that this is what is happening to your wife, you can show her love the way it was when you were dating or as newlyweds.

Related Reading: How to Balance Marriage and Motherhood- 15 Tips

8. She is insecure about her body

When it comes to concerns in marriage, like why does my wife avoids intimacy, it could be due to being insecure about her body. Sometimes, when a woman is insecure about her body, she might not be keen on being intimate with you.

She might even mention how she feels concerning her body to you on some occasions. When you notice this, draw her closer to you and keep reassuring her that you love her regardless of how she feels about her body.

9. Her sex drive is low

If you wonder why your wife is avoiding intimacy, it might be due to low sex drive, which some factors like menopause can cause. During menopause, for instance, the blood flow to the vagina and clitoris decreases. 

The nerves that induce pleasure get less sensitive, making it less easy for them to reach orgasm. If you think this is what is happening, you can suggest taking her to your healthcare provider to explore possible treatment options.

10. She might have health problems

When your wife is avoiding intimacy, it might be due to some underlying health problems. You and your wife might need a checkup when you discover that her lack of intimacy is prolonged.

According to Kimberly Smith, a licensed mental health counselor:

Medications for medical and mental health conditions can have a side effect of decreased sex drive.

If something is medically wrong with her, she might need to be treated for it. Hence, instead of assuming she doesn’t want to be intimate with you, find out if all is well with her.

11. She may be anxious or depressed

If you ask questions like why my wife doesn’t want me sexually, she may struggle with mental health problems. 

Sometimes, when a woman is anxious or depressed, being intimate with her partner might be difficult. 

As long as the mental health problem persists, she might not be interested in sex. You can assist her in getting help by taking her to a mental health counselor or therapist so that she can get her mental health back on track.

12. She might not be interested in the relationship

If you suspect your wife is avoiding intimacy, it might be that her interest in the relationship has waned over time. She may not be attracted to you like before, which can make it hard for her to initiate or even agree to be intimate with you. 

When you notice her body language, and you’re sure she doesn’t have feelings for you like before, talk to her about it. Come up with solutions on how to revive the spark in your marriage.

13. She is not currently in the mood for sex

Sometimes we don’t feel like being intimate, and this is what your wife might be facing. She may not be in the mood to do anything intimately with you, and it is fine not to pressurize her. 

You can try to initiate intimacy at another time when you notice that she is not in the mood. Also, remember to communicate with her about it so that you don’t end up assuming what is not wrong.

14. You are more focused on work than her

If your wife notices that you pay more attention to your work and spend less time with her, she might not want to be intimate with you. 

This is why some people ask questions like why a wife doesn’t want to be intimate. 

Look at your work schedule, and see how you can be more flexible with your time. You need to spend more quality time with your wife so that she realizes that you love her.

15. You’re no longer romantic

Sometimes, she might not be interested in being intimate with you because you are not romantic like you used to be. 

She could indirectly tell you this or from her body language. When you suspect this is the case, try to go back to the days you were chasing her. Initiate romantic date nights, vacations, etc., to win her heart again.

It might be challenging for you to begin and sustain an intimate relationship. This is what Menealos Apostolou talked about in their study. The research piece is titled What Makes it Difficult to Start an Intimate Relationship, and this content reveals a number of reasons to be aware of. 

Related Reading: 10 Reasons Why There’s No Romance in Your Relationship

10 silent signs that you have intimacy issues

When you are intimate with someone, it means that you don’t see any harm in establishing a physical and emotional connection with someone. 

On the other hand, if you fear intimacy or have intimacy issues, it could mean you are sometimes reluctant to get close to others.

Here are some of the possible signs that you have intimacy issues

1. You don’t share everything with your partner

When you are in a relationship with someone or married, it is best to share everything with them because it signifies trust. 

However, when you have to think about it more than once before telling them everything, it suggests that you have intimacy issues. They might discover that you are hiding things from them because some of your conversations will have loopholes.

Related Reading: Should You Tell Your Partner Everything About Your Past or Not?

Watch this video on the importance of communicating with your partner: 

2. You’re not open about your true feelings

Another way to know that you have intimacy issues is when you don’t talk about how you feel deep down. 

This means that when you experience something, you are more likely to mask your feelings instead of talking to your partner about them. When your partner asks what is wrong, you prefer to act like everything is fine.

3. You isolate when the connection grows

When you isolate yourself as you and your partner become more bonded, it could be one of the signs of having intimacy issues. 

It probably means you are skeptical of vulnerability and commitment to someone. You might not want anyone to see you for who you are, so you prefer to isolate yourself when you and the person become close.

4. You feel like the only perfect person in the relationship

People with intimacy issues may feel that they are perfect and everyone else is flawed. This is why they are more likely to have intimacy problems because they feel they can do no wrong. 

When you feel like your partner is flawed and you are perfect, it can create physical and emotional barriers in the relationship. It would also prevent you and your partner from having enjoyable intimate moments.

5. You have a low self-esteem

If you have low self-esteem, it can affect your level of intimacy. For instance, you might be insecure about your body and feel your partner does not appreciate you for who you are. 

Low self-esteem can prevent you from being intimate with your partner because you have already rejected yourself.

6. You have trust issues

People with trust issues may struggle to be intimate with their spouses. They might think that their partner is seeing other people, and they will live with that assumption without making proper clarifications. 

Some may leverage this assumption to start seeing other people because they think their partner is doing the same. Hence, it can wreck the relationship in no time because they don’t trust their partners.

Related Reading: 10 Things You Need to Know About Men With Trust Issues

7. History of unstable relationships

You may have intimacy issues if you’ve had a history of relationships that didn’t last for different reasons. You might think your current relationship will go the same way as others. 

Hence, you may see no reason to be committed for fear of suffering heartbreak if the relationship ends. It might be difficult for you to treat your current relationship as a new and different one.

8. You avoid physical contact intentionally

Another way to know that you have intimacy problems is when you don’t like physical proximity with your partner. 

Sometimes, your partner might want to stay close to you, but you will find a way to keep your distance. You could be in love with your partner, but you don’t know why you keep separating yourself from them.

Related Reading: What is the Physical Touch Love Language®?

9. You prefer being isolated

When you notice that you prefer to be isolated instead of being in social gatherings, it might be a sign that intimacy is not for you. 

If there is any opportunity to be around your partner or someone you love, you will find a way to avoid it. You might isolate yourself under the guise of being busy with work, feeling under the weather, etc.

10. Indifference to your partner’s feelings

Individuals with intimacy issues may not be sensitive to how their partners feel. When their spouses complain about something, they might not understand what they are going through. Therefore, they will likely treat their complaints with levity because they find it hard to empathize with them.

To learn more about intimacy and why some people are afraid to be intimate, read this study by Anita L Vangelisti and Gary Beck. This study is titled Intimacy and Fear of Intimacy, and it explores the possible reasons why some people don’t want to be intimate with their partners. 

Related Reading: Fixing Your Partner’s Feelings Won’t Help

More on why your wife is avoiding intimacy 

Here is the most discussed question about why your wife avoids being intimate with you. 

• Is your wife uninterested in being intimate with you?

One of the ways to tell that your wife is avoiding intimacy is when she doesn’t want to be in the same physical space with you. Additionally, she might complain of being stressed, so she doesn’t get intimate with you.

Final thought

Being intimate with your partner is one of the ways to nurture the bond between the two of you. However, if you notice your wife avoiding intimacy, avoid jumping to conclusions. There is a good chance she might be doing it for a certain reason. 

Therefore, be patient and communicate with her to learn why your wife avoids intimacy each time you initiate it. If you cannot handle the situation, consider going for couples therapy for professional help.