10 Reasons Why Do Men Stay in Abusive Relationships

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Why do men stay in abusive relationships when they have the power to leave anytime? Learn about common reasons men endure abusive relationships in this article.

Generally, all relationships have one thing in common – men and women who consider themselves lovers and better halves. However, what goes on in each of these relationships differs. 

Unlike what many people see outside, couples experience real-life issues that can threaten their union. Some couples struggle with their partners while enduring abusive relationships. 

Generally, women suffer domestic abuse, emotional abuse, violence, and gaslighting silently. However, it’s strange to hear that some men also suffer in relationships like women. How true is this? If so, why do men stay in abusive relationships? Before finding out, let’s explore the nature of abusive relationships.

What are abusive relationships?

What is an abusive relationship? An abusive relationship involves toxic and coercive behaviors that show power and control over one’s previous or current intimate partner. The abuse in abusive relationships may be physical, sexual, emotional, or financial. Also, abuse may be threats, intimidation, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and isolation.

Abuse can start gradually, but it tends to escalate over time. When someone uses abuse against you, it is a way to exert control over you. Regardless of how it happens, know that abuse isn’t your fault and that leaving an emotionally abusive relationship is possible. 

Abusive relationships occur because the perpetrators have chosen to harm and hurt their partners. Victims may go for relationship counseling to understand their situation better and explore their way out. However, the problem remains with the one who wants to control their intimate partner.

According to The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), “1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced physical violence, such as pushing, slapping, or shoving by their partner.  

Staying in an abusive relationship is common among many women for several reasons. Many women aren’t financially capable of leaving. Besides, some women fear what their family members, friends, or society might say if they leave their relationship. Sometimes, the woman’s family mandates them to stay in the marriage and “endure.”

While some women seek how to get out of an abusive relationship, it’s surprising that some men don’t leave an abusive relationship. So, the question is, why do men stay in abusive relationships?

10 possible reasons why men stay in abusive relationships

We are living in a structured world. While many of us won’t admit that many men are in abusive relationships, it happens. It’s even worse when these men don’t know how to escape an abusive relationship. Research and statistics have shown that men live with abusive wives. 

However, men are likely to control and use violence against women. 

Thankfully, men can easily leave abusive relationships, yet some don’t. Why is it so? Check out the following reasons that may explain why men choose to stay in bad relationships.

1. Shame

Why do men stay in abusive relationships? It may be a shame. One of the top reasons men don’t leave an emotionally abusive relationship is fear of shame. In our society, men are seen as strong, brave, and courageous. 

Also, biologically, most adult men are stronger than women. Therefore, when a man reports a case of violence or abuse by their wife, many people don’t believe them. 

Some people may see such men as weak and timid for a woman to abuse them. So, instead of leaving and having to explain their reasons, the abused men would rather stay and cope.

2. Denial

Another reason men sometimes don’t get out of an abusive relationship is denial. Some men in abusive relationships don’t see abuse from their wives as a big deal. They intentionally find excuses for shoving, hitting, and slapping. 

For instance, they may attribute their wife yelling at them to stress, menstrual cycle, or hormone symptoms. In addition, some men may ignore their wives’ patterns of abuse because they love them and want the relationship to continue. 

Even if others call attention to the abuse, they wave it off and continue living.

3. Family

A family is one of the great institutions in our environment. Traditionally, many men get their respect because of the family they have. Men in abusive relationships don’t like their circumstances, but the fact that they have a family gives them joy. 

It is the price upon which they ride and move confidently in society. 

Leaving would mean losing the prestige and respect of having a family. In other words, it’s not only women that fear losing their families. Many men also don’t want to leave their families because it gives them pride. They also fear what society will say about them if they leave.

Related Reading: The Importance Of Maintaining Healthy Family Relationships

4. Children

Why does a man stay in an abusive relationship? They stay so that they can be close to their children. Another reason why men stay in bad relationships is because of children. Like women, some men wish to continue to see their children. 

Usually, when partners can’t see eye to eye, the child or children become the good things in the relationship. Besides, one of the consequences of a divorce is that the children may have to stay with one partner mostly, often the woman. 

Sadly, many men can’t risk this. Therefore, they would rather continue to live with their abusive partner.

5. Love

Another valid reason abusive relationships thrive in some families is love. Love can be truly blind. It’s why despite many unpleasant events people experience in their relationship, they stay. 

While it may be hard for others to understand, people who are in love, despite the emotional or physical abuse they face, always find enough good reasons to stay in the relationship. 

To them, these good reasons or behavior are enough to cover up or make up for the abuse. Specifically, men don’t see the problems in their marriages as easily as women do. They quickly forgive, forget, and move on after their partners hurt them.

6. Fear

Why do men stay in abusive relationships? One reason why men stay in bad relationships is mere fear. The fear of the unknown, the fear of what the partner will do to them, or what they will do to themselves is enough reasons to keep some men from thinking about leaving an abusive relationship. 

One of the ways abusive partners control their partners is by threatening suicide or threatening their means of livelihood.

Related Reading: How to Address Fear in Relationships and Support Your Partner

7. Finance

Why do men stay in abusive relationships? Men stay in bad relationships because of the financial gain they see. Like some women, some men are not financially capable of leaving their relationships. Even though many men are the breadwinners of their families in many homes, some women function in this position. 

If these women took advantage of their partner’s condition and abused them, the men may not want to leave. They may fear that they won’t be able to support themselves financially. It can be tough if the men parade themselves as the breadwinners of their families.

8. Child support

In some cases, leaving an abusive relationship is difficult for some men, not because they can’t support themselves financially but because of child support bills. In some states, when it comes to divorce, the man is ordered to pay a certain amount for child support. 

Normally, if the couple were together, it wouldn’t be much of the bill. 

Similarly, the man may fear that his properties and money will be shared equally with his partner. Hence, he may choose to wait till the children are grown or a perfect time that will be convenient for him.

9. He needs his partner

Why do men stay in abusive relationships? Unfortunately, some men endure abuse because they can’t function alone. They live their lives in a way that revolves around their partner. They depend solely on their wives to make their meals, clean and iron their clothes and arrange their rooms. 

In addition, some men have low self-esteem and self-respect. They can’t see themselves living independently without their wives. They can’t imagine. Therefore, they stay and cope with any form of abuse dished out to them.

10. They have the perfect distractions

Why does a man stay in an abusive relationship? Luckily for some men, the abuse of their partners doesn’t get to them much because they don’t think about them. One reason could be that they have a demanding job that requires their time or attention 100%. 

In addition, some men have jobs that require them to always be away from home for days or months. Therefore, they only experience abuse for a short while before they are whisked away.

Learn how to avoid argument patterns in a relationship through this video:

5 steps to how men can leave abusive relationships

One of the questions many abused men ask is how to get out of an abusive relationship. The truth is relationships are best enjoyed when everyone lives in peace. When you notice signs of abuse, the decision that naturally comes to your head is to leave as soon as possible. 

While it’s a good decision, it’s best not to rush the process. Men can leave an abusive relationship by following the steps below:

1. Accept the reality of your situation

One way to quickly get out of an abusive relationship is to get in tune with your circumstances. Quit giving excuses for your partner’s obvious abusive behavior. Accept them for what they are without labeling them. It may be shameful for you, but it’s your reality. The earlier you accept it, the better.

Related Reading: Relationship Reality vs. Relationship Fantasy

2. Think about how it will affect your family

Before you leave an abusive relationship, it might help to think about its effect on your family, especially if you have children. Regardless of who messes the relationship up, children are the biggest victims when couples separate. 

They are denied the opportunity to see their parents together, which can have a long-term effect. Therefore, think about them and make plans to mitigate their effect on them.

3. Don’t discuss your leaving with your partner

One common mistake many men make when leaving an abusive relationship is announcing their decision. Some partners can threaten suicide or even murder if their partners leave them. 

Discussing your plan with an abusive partner will only escalate the issue and push them to make rash decisions. Once you have considered leaving, it’s best to keep it to yourself.

4. Consider seeing a therapist

For your mental health, it is best to see a therapist or go for relationship counseling before or after leaving an abusive relationship. That will help you explore your situation better, find ways to normally live after leaving an abusive relationship, and act accordingly in the case of future relationships.

5. Just get out

In the case of physical abuse, it might be best to leave the relationship as soon as possible. Physical abuse can lead to death or permanent disability. In this case, waiting for family members or counselors to mediate can be debilitating. Therefore, leave as soon as possible.

Commonly asked questions

Now that we know men can be victims of abusive relationships too. Despite the stigma surrounding male victims, it’s important to acknowledge their experiences and provide support. Here are some frequently asked questions on the topic.

• Why do people still love their abusers?

Loving someone who hurts you is very confusing to many people. First, a victim of abuse may be considering other good acts of their partners. As such, this good behavior covers up for their abuse. 

Also, the victims of abuse may think their partners will change. Soke victims also have a rough definition of what love is. Violence and intimidation may define how much their partners love them.

• What is the personality of an abuser?

An abuser is intimidating, controlling, manipulative, threatening, demanding, and charming. In addition, an abuser is jealous, inconsistent, and powerless when not abusing their partner. They objectify and blame their victims constantly. 

Notably, they minimize the effect of their violence and make them think they are making a mole out of a mountain.

No one deserves an abusive relationship

Abusive relationships are everywhere in the world. So far, women appear to be the victims, but research has shown that men also experience them. However, there are few reports about men’s abuse compared to women’s. 

One shocking fact remains that some men don’t leave abusive relationships, despite having the power to do so. This relationship guide has revealed common reasons why women stay in bad relationships. If you need more help, consider reading books on abuse or going for relationship counseling.