Does a Sexless Relationship Justify Infidelity?

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Cheating in any form or circumstance can never be justified. And that includes infidelity in a sexless relationship.

The fact that the word relationship is still there despite the lack of intimacy means that you must remain committed to your partner. You can always head to the door and walk away completely from a sexless relationship instead of breaking your partner’s trust.

A sexless relationship can happen to married or unmarried couples. But why do you have to seek what’s missing from other people? Why can’t you instead learn how to survive a sexless relationship? 

This article will discuss sexless marriage and affairs and what is a sexless relationship called. Moreover, it will teach you about how to survive a sexless marriage without cheating.

Let’s begin to understand sex, marriage, infidelity, and the sexless relationship causes.

Defining a sexless relationship

While you may think a sexless relationship is self-explanatory, underneath the phrase are reasons for how it came about. This is where it gets painful or confusing for some. 

It’s one thing to understand what is a sexless relationship called. But it’s another thing to discover cheating (in a ) sexless relationship. It will make you wonder what the lack of sex in a relationship means and how it contributes to a sexless marriage cheating. 

A sexless relationship means no intimacy in (a) relationship. In this case, the sexual act, which is supposed to be a norm, happens a few times or is totally non-existent.

However, different couples will have varying answers when posed with a question like – no sex in a relationship means what? This is because some couples are contented to make love once a month. But for others, this already quantifies as a sexless relationship.

According to experts, you cannot quantify your sex life. It’s not the frequency that should matter here but the quality.

This means you cannot perceive a once-a-month intimacy with a partner as a sexless relationship if the people involved find it positive and engaging. 

Causes of no intimacy in a relationship

There are many sexless relationship causes; some are unpreventable, and some could be avoided. But regardless of the causes, the situation entails sexless relationship effects. 

Here’s a look at the common sexless relationship causes:

1. Miscommunication

There are times when you would already start looking for answers to the question – can a sexless relationship survive but haven’t talked to your partner about it? You never know, but your partner may feel nothing is wrong with your sex life. 

They wouldn’t know you are no longer satisfied with the level of intimacy in your relationship if you keep your frustrations to yourself. You may be suppressing your thoughts and feelings to avoid fights and conflicts. 

But you are not allowing your partner to do something about it. You are preventing yourselves from trying to look closer into the effects of lack of intimacy in a relationship. 

Moreover, if you have experienced something traumatic, such as sexual abuse, you must tell your partner. Hiding something as important as this can lead to more misunderstanding.

Your partner would assume you’re uninterested, so they might justify a sexless marriage cheating. It’s not enough that they love you; they wouldn’t know the problem unless you tell them. 

If you have undergone any traumatic experience in the past, especially regarding intimacy, tell your partner about it. This way, they can be more understanding and approach physical intimacy differently. They might even suggest that you both seek the help of a relationship therapist.

Miscommunication and the inability to communicate how you truly feel contributes to the lack of sex in a relationship. Speak up and let your partner hear your truth. Let them decide how to handle it, whether they’ll accept and love you wholeheartedly or not. 

If it’s the latter, it’s still a consolation that you get to see their true colors early on. This will give you a better understanding of where the relationship should be heading.

According to Grady Shumway, a licensed mental health counselor: 

Miscommunication can arise from differences in perception, interpretation, or expression within a relationship. To address it, prioritize active listening, validate your partner’s perspective, and clarify misunderstandings without assigning blame. 

Cultivate open and honest communication channels, and be willing to compromise and find common ground to prevent future miscommunication.

2. Neglected hygiene

A sexless relationship can also emerge from bad hygiene. How can you bear to be intimate with someone whose breath smells so foul that you can’t take their kisses? If you will ask can a sexless relationship survive in this instance, then yes, it can. But something needs to change.

You and your partner must face the truth (or the smell). It’s not shameful to talk about hygiene problems. Ignoring the problem can lead to even more dilemmas in the future. 

If the no intimacy in (a) relationship is rooted in a hygiene problem, seek help. You can refer your case to a medical expert if you can no longer deal with it through home remedies.

However, you must maintain your overall hygiene. Do the usual stuff regularly, such as brushing your teeth, taking a bath, and so on. More importantly, keep your private parts clean.

If you enjoy oral intimacy, then do it, but only when you don’t have any problems with your genitals. If you already see signs of infection and continue with the act, it might worsen the infection. 

If you suffer from any hygiene problem, encourage the person to seek help. Never resort to embarrassing your partner or suddenly acting cold, leading to a sexless relationship. 

3. No foreplay

This is another common answer when you ask people involved in a relationship about sex, marriage, and infidelity. Before wondering further about no sex in a relationship means what, you must first understand why there is no sex in the first place.

More often than not, either of you has lost interest in intimacy because it doesn’t give you pleasure. You may even have experienced getting hurt while doing the act.

Sex will hurt when it’s done just for the heck of it. But it doesn’t have to be this way. You only have to think of the act as an expression of how you feel about your partner.

If you treasure or love them, they will feel it with how you treat the lovemaking process. This is especially true for women. They need to be aroused and revved up before going further with the intimacy.

Think about how you can make foreplay more creative and fun for each one. Invest time in doing it and make sure both of you enjoy the process and would love to do it again (and again).

4. Insecurity with one’s body

Changes in one’s body can also cause a lack of sex in a relationship. You may start feeling insecure after putting on or losing too much weight. This leads to avoiding being intimate with your partner because you don’t want your vulnerabilities exposed.

What happens next is that you keep on postponing making love. It will continue until you both face the effects of a lack of intimacy in a relationship.

You have to do something about it. You wouldn’t want to risk having to face cheating (in a ) sexless relationship just because you were too conscious about your body and how your partner would react to the changes.

5. Depression

When you’re already dealing with depression, it can only worsen when you also have to face the sexless relationship effects. But these are two different problems you can’t face at the same time. However, it doesn’t mean that you have to face it alone.

Talk to your partner about what you’re going through. It’s better to have a sexless relationship than go on with it while pretending you’re okay even when you’re not. Depression makes you feel restless and leads you to lose interest in life. You must do something about it and seek medical help at once.

As clinical social worker Grady Shumway explains:

Depression is a complex mental health condition that can impact various aspects of life, including relationships. Seek support from a therapist or mental health professional to explore coping strategies, such as cognitive-behavioral techniques or medication management, tailored to your individual needs. 

Additionally, prioritize self-care activities, maintain a routine, and lean on supportive friends and family members to manage the challenges of depression with compassion and resilience.

This mental health concern can bring about more problems when left ignored. It might later cause problems in intimacy with your partner, relationship, and life.

Related Reading: How to Deal With Depression in a Relationship

6. Health problems

More than answering the question – no sex in a relationship means what, you must focus on the whys. More often than not, partners stop being intimate due to health issues. 

One of the most common health concerns in men that leads to a sexless relationship is impotence. Men become confused and anxious when they start developing problems with having an erection. 

It makes them shy away from being intimate with a partner. Moreso, it affects their self-esteem, which can lead to depression if not helped early on. 

In this case, both spouses need to sit down and discuss how to solve this problem. They have to search for support to cure or relieve the health concern before it can further wreak havoc on the relationship.

7. Menopause

Most women find it hard to adjust when they enter the menopausal stage. It brings about many changes in their system, mostly on hormonal levels. These changes can be difficult to understand and take time to process.

However, despite menopause, you must still think about your partner. You can pause and take a break, but you can’t stop being affectionate all at once.

You must go on with life and get used to the body changes. Continue showing your partner and letting them feel your desire, especially when you don’t want to suffer from the effects of lack of intimacy in a relationship.

8. Giving birth

A baby changes a relationship in many ways, including intimacy with your partner. The focus now shifts to the baby, and caring for a newborn is not easy. 

It can be stressful and tiring, especially if the mom is breastfeeding. In this case, it can affect a woman’s libido and sex drive.

Moreover, many doctors suggest couples abstain from sex a month after childbirth. This allows the mother to recover and gives time for the family to adjust to the new setup.

9. Low sex drive

Relationships shouldn’t rely on the partner’s differences in libido. You only have to meet in the middle and try to be the best partner for one another. It doesn’t have to cause any of you to think about sex, marriage, and infidelity.

To deal with different or low sex drives, you must find out how to satisfy your partner. You don’t necessarily have to stop doing the act; you only need to find ways to be physically intimate without causing further trouble in the relationship. 

More importantly, you have to talk it out. This is something that might require the help of a relationship therapist. No matter what you do, never give up on what you have. 

10. Side effects of drugs

Yes, certain prescription medications have side effects on people’s sex drive. Talk to your doctor if you suspect something like this.

You wouldn’t want to risk experiencing the consequences of no intimacy in a relationship. Before anything happens, ask your doctor to change the meds or prescribe alternatives.

Related Reading: Harmful Effects of Smoking, Drugs and Alcohol Intake During Pregnancy

Is it okay to cheat when you are in a sexless relationship?

Infidelity is like driving a vehicle with blinders on. You’re trekking a path without considering how this will affect your spouse and the person you choose to cheat with. 

Think about it this way. Suppose you think a sexless relationship is an injustice because it’s among the obligations of married couples. Does cheating become an obligation when your partner fails to perform such a duty? 

Is refusing to have sex with your spouse also a kind of betrayal? Would that thereafter justify adultery?

First and foremost, you must find out what a sexless relationship causes. You never know, but the problem might be in you. This means that cheating will only aggravate the problem.

Besides, cheating is painful and can be traumatic for your partner. If you want out of the relationship, say it and leave. This is better than using the sexless relationship as an excuse for infidelity.

It’s not okay to cheat; it will never be. You must focus your efforts on finding how to survive a sexless marriage without cheating than looking for ways to fulfill your needs.

Why do individuals cheat in a sexless marriage?

The main reason for cheating when in sexless marriages and affairs is to get something you’ve been missing. It doesn’t mean that you no longer love your partner, but you want more, which you think they are not giving.

However, being in a sexless relationship doesn’t give you reasons to cheat. Your sex life may not be healthy, but your partner may feel okay with the setup. But how can your spouse know your dilemma if you don’t talk to them?

You’re already facing a problem, so why add more by cheating?

How to survive a sexless marriage or relationship without cheating?

Whether you’re married or not, as long as you are committed to a person, you can’t cheat on your partner whenever you please. Here are five ideas on how to survive a sexless relationship:

1. Find the sexless relationship causes

What has changed, and when did you start losing intimacy? You have to work it out with your partner and understand the problem.

Is it because you’re not enjoying the act? Don’t you love your partner anymore? Do you have certain expectations of intimacy which you cannot get?

No matter what it is, you have to deal with the truths as a pair. This way, you can help each other solve whatever brought you to a sexless relationship.

Related Reading: 20 Causes of Stress in Relationships and Its Effects

2. Talk

Open up with one another, and don’t be ashamed. Sex is a big part of your relationship. And you must be both concerned when you stop having it and when you are no longer as intimate as before.

3. Make it a priority

You may be doing too many things, and you are neglecting intimacy. Regardless of your focus or the number of tasks at hand, always make time to show affection to your partner.

4. Always make an effort to surpass the sexless relationship state

Never allow the lack of sex in a relationship to ruin what you have. Accept that there is a problem, and do something about it. 

5. Go to a relationship therapist

When you have done everything you can to get past the sexless relationship state, but you are still in it, it’s better to tap the help of an expert. This is a good time to go counseling as a couple. It will make you understand each other more and give you more chances of surviving the effects of lack of intimacy in a relationship.

FAQs

Here are the questions many people ask when they find themselves stuck in a sexless relationship:

• Is infidelity okay in a sexless marriage?

Is it justified to steal because you’re jobless? If you have something precious taken away from you by someone who doesn’t have a job, will you forgive them instantly upon learning of their circumstance? Nothing can justify infidelity, same as nothing can explain how something wrong can be perceived as right.

• Can you cheat when in a sexless relationship?

Even if you ask your partner’s permission to cheat and they agree, it doesn’t mean it’s okay. They may only want to make you happy, but it doesn’t mean they feel that way too. If cheating ever crosses your mind, put it this way: how would you feel if your partner cheated on you? If you feel nothing, then you might as well end the relationship, anyway.

• What causes people to cheat when in a relationship?

It depends on the circumstance. In a sexless relationship, it’s because they want to satisfy what they can’t get from their partner. Other reasons include neglect, needing change, difficulty staying committed, lack of love, low self-esteem, and anger.

Final thought

Being in a sexless relationship is already a problem. Infidelity won’t resolve the issue but will add more to the dilemma. 

In this situation, you must find ways to get past the state and make the relationship prosper. You can get help from a relationship therapist if you have tried everything but still feel unhappy and lost.