How to Pull Back in a Relationship: 15 Sensitive Ways

Romance can be complicated, and you may not always get what you want from your relationship. As a result, you may need to learn how to pull back in a relationship and, most importantly, how to remove someone from your life without hurting them.

However, pulling back from a relationship isn’t always easy, just as the famous story of Romeo and Juliet portrays. Even if you decide to end things, it’s difficult to look someone in the eyes and tell them you’re no longer in love.

That is most likely why ghosting has grown so common. Because so much of our communication takes place through screens, it’s possible to end a relationship without exchanging a text. Now, you no longer have to think of delivering awkward apologies. Easy peasy, right? 

Surprisingly, you may not be the only one who may have thought of how to step back from a relationship without hurting the other. A survey on this subject recently revealed that up to 32 percent of American adults had been ghosted at some point in their love life.  

However, taking a french leave from a relationship can easily be interpreted as cowardly. If you’re in a relationship, you once loved this person enough to spend time with them. Hence, a face-to-face conversation is one of the basic courtesies you should consider extending to them. 

We understand that you’re a nice person and that sometimes, life just happens. Hence, here’s how to break up with someone without hurting them.

15 ways to pull back in a relationship without hurting them

After spotting the signs you need to step back in a relationship, your next assignment is to figure out the most diplomatic way to go about it, so you don’t scar your partner for life. 

This is how to pull back in a relationship. 

1. Stay busy

As you figure out how to back out from someone you like, finding something else to do with your time is the first logical step you should take. 

If you always worry too much about where you are, where you are going, or what is going on, find something to divert your attention away from the relationship.

The best medicine for pulling out of that relationship is to get busy. Get lost in a book, go to the gym, make new friends, and pick up new hobbies. If you are open to the idea, consider meeting a relationship therapist. 

Surround yourself with other productive relationships and people, so your soon-to-be ex no longer seems like the center of your entire world. 

2. Focus on yourself

According to a Licensed Professional Counselor and Relationship Coach Christiana Njoku, 

The decision to pull out of a relationship can be a really hard thing to do, but the moment your mind is made up, it is time to shift your attention from it and focus on yourself.

Now that you’re opening up your life to new people and experiences, find a goal to focus on as well. Let this be a goal that challenges and inspires you to keep pushing at it every day. Personal ambitions give you another avenue to let out your energies.

These could be career, financial, business, or personal development goals. Consider seizing this opportunity to increase your income, climb the corporate ladder, or further your education. Research has proven that staying focused on your goals improves your mental health. 

Keep your eyes on the prize and allow your relationship troubles to work themselves out rather than attempting to control what’s beyond your reach.

3. Work on your weakness

As you figure out how to pull back in a relationship, take the time to work on your excesses. If you know you struggle with self-control, this is the perfect time to work on your communication skills, so you don’t come off as ‘desperate’ when you finally talk to them.

There can be moments when learning how to pull back in a relationship will be easier, such as when you are not upset. However, it will be harder when you are lonely, so putting physical distance between you is a strategy that may never get old.

4. Unfollow them on social media

Yes, that seems strange, but it truly works. For the time being, refrain from stalking your lover on social media. Take a break from Snapchat, Instagram, and Facebook. Give them some space online if you want to pull out of your relationship.

Being in a relationship can change the way you interact with life. If you’re not careful, you may soon get lost in your partner’s life, even on social media. Hence, you may resort to following them up online when you take a physical break from the relationship. 

Here’s the thing. Communication and interaction (under these circumstances) are potent, whether physical or virtual. Constantly following updates about their life on social media will leave you nostalgic. 

Do you want to spend your whole life pining after them?  

Related Reading: 10 Tips to Reduce Effects of Social Media on Marriage

5. Set up boundaries

If you’re constantly hunting for answers, chasing your partner down, or going the extra mile, it’s time to step back. Setting boundaries for yourself is essential as you step away from a relationship. 

How many times per week are you allowed to call them? Will you still be dropping by their house every day after work? Will you reduce the hours you spend texting them per week? 

If you truly want to distance yourself from a relationship, you must be ready to do the difficult work involved in setting and enforcing boundaries. Let them pursue you for a brief moment while you concentrate on remaining strong.

Suggested video: Creating boundaries in relationships. 

6. Talk to a friend that supports you

Pulling back from a relationship isn’t fun. Hence, you may need help to do it. Talk to some of your closest friends and let them in on your plans. You’ll need their emotional support on bad days and encouragement when you do well.

The greatest way to fall back from a guy is to remember the days he wasn’t in your life. You were living your best life then, right? 

7. Assess whether you would be better off without them

As you try to take a step back without breaking up, one of the first things you must do is evaluate your intentions. One of the reasons why we fail at many things is that we take action without defining our intentions. 

If possible, see this as the time you need to figure out if they are the one for you or now. You risk getting swept up if you don’t step back and assess the situation right away. 

If it makes you feel better, convince yourself that this action is a temporary respite. If you decide you are better off with them, you’ll take the necessary steps to get back together again. 

Related Reading: How to Ignore Someone You Love

8. Stop letting them control your emotions

If you find it difficult to distance yourself even if you know you should, It may be because your partner manipulates you with their actions.

They may try to use emotional blackmail or other abusive tactics to keep you close even though it kills you. If you feel something is off and you need to step back, do it to get some perspective.

Related Reading: 14 Tips on How to Control Your Emotions in a Relationship

9. Consult a relationship therapist

Have that one person who can talk some reason into you before you make the mistake of erasing all your progress if you are aware that you occasionally experience periods of weakness where you will run back, even when trying to pull back.

Having a relationship therapist on speed dial is one way to keep yourself on track until you have accomplished your task of pulling back. 

10. Discover and do what you love

One of the most effective ways to pull back in a relationship is to discover and do what you love. Find your favorite activities and use them as distractions if you want to back off in a relationship. 

Christiana Njoku states that,

When pulling out of a relationship, getting yourself busy with what makes you happy as a way of taking your mind off the relationship is the way to go.

When you are too caught up in a relationship, it can be tempting to make it the center point of your existence. This can soon become a problem as pulling out becomes almost impossible, even when it is the best decision for you. 

For once, do what you love without thinking about your significant other. When you stop attempting to hold someone else accountable for your pleasure, you’ll be surprised at how happy you can make yourself.

Related Reading: 30 Romantic Ways To Express Your Love Through Words and Actions

11. Remember to say it nicely

Now that you have set the pace with your actions, it is time to communicate your intentions with them; face to face. This is the time to have those odd conversations you’ve dreaded for the longest time. 

However, how you say it is more important than what you say. Now that you’re ready to let the cat out of the bag, please implore all the nice ways you can to get your message across. 

One of the easiest ways to begin is to talk to your partner about the effect of their actions on you. Use examples to remind them of all the times their actions pained you. 

The adage “treat others like you would like to be treated” has never been more true. Breakups bring up a lot of emotions but if you’re the one initiating the breakup, you should prepare your speech ahead of time. 

12. Be direct

It is easy to put your partner’s feelings ahead of yours while initiating a breakup. The downside is that you can easily get overcome by their emotions (especially if they start crying). 

However, never lose sight of the goal you had in mind from the start (which was to pull back from a relationship). Hence, ensure you clearly state what you want as you speak to them. 

While ensuring that you communicate effectively, use words and phrases that demonstrate your comprehension of the other person’s feelings. Remember that the person is a real human with feelings, not just a machine.

13. Try a crap test

You can put someone through a crap test to see how much they will sacrifice for you. In a crap test, you consciously subject someone to challenging situations to check how they’ll respond. 

The only way to make someone fully consider how much you mean to them and what you need in a relationship—and thus how much you care about them—is by pulling back.

Pull back suddenly and let them be the ones to chase you for a change. 

14. Think logically. Leave your emotions aside

Taking the emotion aside as you pull back in a relationship can be one of the most challenging things you’d do. But if you want to end a relationship, keep your emotions aside and critically assess the situation. 

You may make far better choices if you stop desperately reaching out to a partner who isn’t giving you adequate attention. Ask yourself how you would react to someone else treating you the way they do before you take any action.

Would you act the same way if there weren’t so much passion and history bundled up? Let your heart temporarily take a backseat as you mentally analyze your actions.

15. Move out 

Another effective way to pull back from a relationship is to move out of a physical space you used to share with a partner who you want to take a break from. 

Being in the same physical space, seeing them every other day, and interacting with them can cause you to yearn for their attention and come off as desperate. To reduce those chances, consider moving out. 

You can rent your apartment, move in with a friend, or travel. In any case, limit your physical contact with them because there are more chances they’ll be out of mind once they’re out of sight. 

Related Reading: How to Get a Spouse to Move Out During Divorce?

Some commonly asked questions

Pulling back in a relationship can cause worry as you might be afraid of hurting the other person’s feelings. Answering certain questions can help you determine how to approach this problem. 

• Is it possible to pull out of a relationship?

Of course, yes! You can pull out from your relationship anytime and any day if the relationship becomes parasitic.

However this can look like a daunting task, but you can always make critical choices based on the facts before you. Do well to follow the above-listed 15 ways we have covered in this article. 

• How do I gently pull back from a relationship?

If you want to understand how to step back in a relationship, start by recognizing who you are and what you’re worth. While it may seem tough and strange to distance yourself, there are occasions when it becomes necessary for your mental health. 

We have covered a list of powerful things you can do today if you’re serious about pulling back in a relationship. Take a look at that list and decide the ones to begin with. 

• How do you make them realize their mistakes?

Start by complimenting them on the things they’ve done right. It is easy to get caught up in the things they’re missing out on and forget they’re doing well in some other areas. 

Afterward, gently point out the things they may not be doing right. Communicate with empathy and do not make them feel like you are just out to point fingers. Suggest steps to improve and encourage them to talk to you.

Final takeaway

It’s unhealthy to lose oneself in a relationship. Knowing how to pull back in a relationship without losing yourself in the process is a powerful skill you should develop before meeting your next partner. 

If you constantly feel like you’re giving too much, forcing them to have time for you, or the relationship is no longer giving you the emotional satisfaction you desire, take that as your cue to step back. 

Love doesn’t have to be forced. Your partner should put in the same energy you put in if the relationship is going to work. It shouldn’t be a one-sided thing. 

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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