What to Do After You Hurt Your Partner: 10 Tips

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At some point in your relationship, you may hurt your partner, not because you are a terrible person but because you are a human. 

Considering your differences, you must know what to do after you hurt your partner – if you want your relationship to thrive and keep waxing strong even after rough patches. 

On the other hand, getting over being hurt can be difficult. It might even be worse if you were hurt by someone you truly loved and committed time and energy to work a relationship out with. 

To prevent your chances of getting scarred for a lifetime, you must discover how to get over being hurt in your relationship to keep living the life of your dreams. 

In this article, you will be equipped with practical strategies to win back the heart and trust of your partner if you hurt them in any way. But hey! Please do not take this as a license to hurt their feelings on purpose.

How do you talk to your partner after hurting them? 

Awkward moments of prolonged silence. 

Deep pangs of pain shoot through your heart whenever you hear their voice, see their face, or stumble into them as you go about your day. 

The newfound rhythm of running out of your home every morning before the crack of dawn and returning very late at night, tired and longing for your bed. 

All these and more are some of the feelings you may begin to experience when you are going through a rough patch with the one you love. 

Not knowing what to do when you hurt someone you love is normal, but you must not let the pain and confusion deter you from reaching out to them. 

Psychologist and Coach Silvana Mici states that,

The first thing that you do is accept what you did and take some action in improving the situation. Keep in mind actions are more valued than words.

The first thing that you do is accept what you did and take some action in improving the situation. Keep in mind actions are more valued than words.

First, it is easy to give in to the temptation of taking the easy way out, avoiding them until you can no longer. Instead of doing this, start by deciding to reach out to them because science has proven that effective communication is an important part of conflict resolution. 

If your partner is not completely opposed to the idea, strike up that conversation as soon as possible and clear the air. 

One thing you don’t want to do after you hurt your partner is to demand their time. While seeking to establish communication with them, you must let them know that the final decision to grant your request or not is up to them. Don’tDon’t demand their attention. Instead, request it. 

When it is finally time to talk after you have done things that hurt your partner, intentionally take responsibility for your actions and don’t imply your apology. 

Instead of getting him his favorite gift item and hoping he knows how sorry you are, use the magic words at some point. Sometimes, your partner may need a simple, unimplied, heartfelt apology from you. 

Don’t bring any other person into the conversation as much as possible. Seeking restitution after you have hurt your partner can be an intense activity, and you may be tempted to give excuses and lay the blame for your actions on someone else. 

What you need to do when you hurt someone you love is to let them know how deeply sorry you are for your actions. 

One of the biggest emotional needs of everyone is the desire to feel secure in a relationship. Your partner must know that you won’t intentionally hurt their feelings. So, this conversation may only be complete once you have reassured them that you will not intentionally hurt them that way again.  

This conversation might begin your journey to healing from the pain you both feel. 

What can you do when you hurt your partner? 

Knowing what to do when you’ve hurt your partner is essential to every functional relationship because disputes are bound to come up. Here are ten simple things you can do to get your relationship back on track. 

1. Give them some space 

One of the most difficult things to do after you hurt your partner is to give them space. At this time, you may be tempted to follow them everywhere, send unending texts, or randomly show up at their doorstep and demand their attention. 

In many cases, you may need more results than this. Most times, what to do when you hurt someone is to give them some space. Your partner may want to be alone and figure some things out. 

This may make you anxious, but pushing for an instant connection with them can come off as an entitlement mentality. 

Instead of hounding them, step aside and let them know you would like a chance to talk to them and make things right. 

2. Pay attention 

When your partner finally gives you the attention you’ve asked for, ensure you pay attention to them. Paying attention shows them that you know they’re human and they’re entitled to their opinions, no matter how strong. 

When you get into a conversation, prompt them to talk to you about how your actions made you feel. Keep all distractions aside. You can turn your phone off, place it face-down on the table, or keep it away for this conversation. 

The last thing you want is for your partner to feel as though you aren’t giving them your undivided attention. 

3. Acknowledge their feelings 

“I was hurt by what you said about me in front of your friends at the party last week,” your partner says. 

“I don’t see why you should be hurt. It was just a small joke,” you reply. 

This is not how to show someone you love them after hurting them. One of the first rules of getting back into your partner’s good books immediately is that you must be willing and able to acknowledge their feelings. Empathize with them, even if you feel that what they are saying isn’t valid. 

Instead of trying to trivialize their emotions, let them know that you have heard what they have said and that their feelings are valid. 

4. Take full responsibility for your actions 

Trying to roll the blame for your actions over to another screams irresponsibility, and you don’t want your partner to get the wrong impression. Resist the urge to explain away your actions. 

At the same time, don’t try to blame them for your actions. Don’t say “I wouldn’t have done that if only you had stayed quiet.” Instead, take full responsibility for your actions already. 

Taking full responsibility can be challenging and ego-bruising, but this action can immediately improve your relationship. Your partner needs to be reassured that they are with someone who can own up to their wrongdoings. 

5. Offer a heartfelt, deep apology 

Everything about your body language at this point should show that you are as sorry as your mouth says you are. For example, don’t say “I am sorry” with your hands akimbo or with a sarcastic smile on your face. A person’s body language can determine whether their apologies will be accepted. 

Hence, your apology must be accompanied by gestures and body language, showing that you are sorry for your actions. 

What does your face say when you apologize? Your partner can interpret a smirk as a sign that your apology is fake. A great apology is usually accompanied by a sullen look, few heartfelt words, and bowed shoulders. 

Again, expect that your partner will only accept your apology after a period of time. Hence, please resist the temptation to ask for their response immediately. Don’tDon’t prompt them to say anything after your apology. The choice to respond or be silent is up to them. 

6. Ask what they need 

Under every hurt is a need that has not been met. Instead of assuming that you know what your partner needs, ask. What must you do to show them that you’re truly remorseful? How can you improve the relationship moving forward? 

Tell them they can be completely honest with you and that you will do what you can to fix things. 

7. Never hold the words they say against them 

People can act strange when they get hurt, and your partner is no exception. When hurt, they may lash out, call you some not-so-good names, or even ask you to stay away from them forever. Make room for this before engaging them, and be prepared to forgive. 

However, if they say something that hurts you too much, take note of it and let them know how their words hurt you; that is when they must have calmed down. 

8. Try not to get sexual 

“Make-up sex” has reportedly been the healing balm for many relationships going through hell. The challenge with having make-up sex too early is that it is like covering a gaping wound with a band-aid. The fact that it is out of sight doesn’t mean that the wound is healed. 

Having make-up sex too soon might even be a form of procrastination. The problem remains there, but you choose the easy way out. The hurt starts festering and may explode sometime in the future. At that point, addressing it may become impossible. 

9. Demonstrate a commitment to be a better person 

Intentionally start working toward showing your partner that you are becoming a better person. Now that you have determined the fight’s original cause, make a commitment that you will prove to them that you won’t do it again. 

This is where your actions come in.

So, if your partner got hurt because you forgot an important day, make up your mind to celebrate them the next time an important day comes around. If they got hurt because of how you acted toward them in public, make a mental note to show how proud of them you are the next time you’re out together. 

Your actions speak louder than all the words you say. 

To understand the skills for a healthy romantic relationship, watch this video.

10. Involve other parties 

Sometimes, you may need the intervention of others to fix what’s broken. Consider speaking to your partner’s closest friends or trusted family members to help talk to them on your behalf. If your spouse accepts, consider trying relationship counseling as well. 

This can help you get to the root of any challenge you may be experiencing in your marriage and find lasting solutions.

How to get over hurt feelings in a relationship 

At some point, you may feel hurt in a relationship when your partner does something you don’t like. At this time, effectively managing your emotions is critical. Follow these steps to get over hurt feelings in a relationship. 

How to rebuild trust in a relationship 

It is one thing to let go of hurt and another thing to trust your partner once again. Letting go of your inhibitions and trusting your partner once again can be challenging, especially if they hurt you deeply. 

Here are 16 proven steps to rebuild trust in a relationship. 

FAQs 

1. How do you fix a relationship after hurting your partner? 

Ans: Fixing a relationship after you hurt your partner begins with admitting that you have done something wrong and your readiness to take full responsibility for your actions. You must let go of the entitlement mentality and know that your partner isn’t obligated to give you a second chance. 

When you have fixed these, follow the ten steps we covered in this article to fix your relationship. Also, remember to give them some space if they so desire. 

2. Can damaged relationships be fixed? 

Ans: Yes, damaged relationships can be fixed. However, both parties involved in the relationship must be willing and ready to do the work involved in salvaging the relationship.  

3. How do you apologize to someone you hurt deeply? 

Ans: Apologizing to your partner after hurting them requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to prove that you will not hurt them again on purpose. Beyond forgiving you, your partner must trust that you will never mess with their emotions again. Apologizing to someone you hurt deeply is possible. Just follow the steps we covered in this article. 

The takeaway

As you navigate your relationship, you must know what to do after you hurt your partner because the chances that this will happen at some point are high. We have covered many steps that you can follow in this article. 

Psychologist and Coach Silvana Mici concludes,

As a couples therapist, I believe that each of us make mistakes sometimes but what is more important is the way we try to solve them. Couples may find it difficult in initiating conversations first, but remember that communication is the first step in overcoming challenges. Talk to your partner with an open heart, rather than staying silent and waiting for things to change themselves. 

Feel free to explore your options. If all fail, consider going for marriage counseling or relationship therapy sessions. 

Getting back together after being hurt can be challenging, but it is possible. You have to be willing to make it work.