15 Ways to Communicate With a Man That Won’t Communicate

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Knowing how to communicate with a man who won’t communicate is a skill you may want to pay closer attention to, especially if you are with a man who finds communication challenging. 

If your husband refuses to communicate, you may have a challenge in the marriage because communication is vital for the health and growth of your marriage. Similarly, if your partner refuses to communicate, your relationship may just be headed for the rocks. 

Don’t worry. If you are in a relationship with a man like this, this article will come in handy. Let’s show you how to communicate with a man who won’t communicate. 

What to do when he doesn’t want to communicate?

Effective communication is a vital part of every relationship. Now, this goes beyond your romantic relationships. If effective communication is absent, your relationship with friends, family, and loved ones will be affected. 

Here’s the catch. For effective communication to occur, both parties involved must make a conscious effort for this cause. Effective communication in relationships cannot happen if only one party does all the reaching out while the other party is passive. 

Take this knowledge into your romantic relationships. It should give you a clue as to why it is challenging to be in blossoming relationships with men who don’t communicate. Communication is bound to get exhausting when you are the one who is putting in all the work. 

Now, this leaves much to be desired. What do you do when you can’t communicate with your partner? Focus on trying out more effective communication strategies with him. It could be that his refusal to talk to you is a sign that there’s something you could do better. 

We will discuss these more effective ways in detail in subsequent sections of this article. 

How do you get a man to communicate? 

Not discussing problems in a relationship can cause the entire relationship to nosedive. Not talking about accomplishments and the good things in your relationship can also negatively impact the relationship.  

However, there is something you must bear in mind. There is a clear difference between the way men and women communicate. These differences can even be traced down to anatomical reasons. 

For one, a report by the London Image Institute has shown that the Anterior Cortex of the brain is larger in women than men.

As a result, women spend more time contemplating and processing information than men. Considering the size differences in the Corpus Callosum of men and women, women also tend to exhibit a less linear direction in thinking. 

If there’s anything you should take away from these, it is that you may not be able to get a man to communicate the same way you get a woman to. Because men and women are wired differently, you must understand how to make a man tick if you want to get the best out of him in terms of effective communication. 

According to Dr. Jennifer Jacobsen, who has a Ph.D. in Psychology,

Sometimes we upset ourselves, because we expect everyone to act the same way we do. When it comes to communication in relationships, your partner may simply communicate differently than you, and you must come to terms with that.

To get a man to communicate, here are some things to try. 

1. Listen to him 

Once you get the conversation going, listen as much as you speak. It is not enough to start a conversation, you must be willing to allow him to speak his heart out. Plus, men like it when they are with women who they feel listen to them. 

So, don’t just be the one speaking all the time. Let him speak while you listen closely. People will bare their hearts when they know you are listening closely. 

Related Reading: The Importance of Art of Listening in a Relationship

2. Nudge communication with effective follow-up questions 

Another way to get a man to communicate is to use follow-up questions effectively. When he is done talking about one thing, chip another subject in as a follow-up question and watch the conversation flow.

15 ways to communicate with a man that won’t communicate 

Here’s how to communicate with a man that won’t communicate. 

1. Find out why 

Sometimes, his failure to communicate might not be for the reasons you thought. You might think that he is angry with you when the reason for his lack of communication could be that he is preoccupied with something else or stressed. 

If he refuses to talk to you (especially if this is new), don’t conclude that he is being difficult. Try and figure out precisely what is going on with him. 

Related Reading: Top 10 Causes of Relationship Communication Problems

2. Broach the subject 

It might be impossible to find out what’s going on in his mind if you don’t ask him. Carefully bring up the subject when you feel it is the right time. Encourage him to be honest with you. 

Is there something that he is bothered with? Is there a way you can help? These questions can help you understand the problem and what to do. 

However, remember to back down if it feels like you are pushing him beyond limits. 

3. His eyes say a lot 

“The eyes are the windows to the soul,” right? This is the perfect time to tap into the meaning of this statement; when you are figuring out how to communicate with a man who won’t communicate. 

When he talks to you, what does he do with his eyes? If he maintains a healthy amount of eye contact, it could be that he is honest and has nothing to hide. However, if he doesn’t maintain eye contact, it could be because he has something to hide or is utterly bored by you. 

Then again, too much eye contact (the one that feels like he is staring you down) can also be a sign of deceit. 

4. What are his hands and arms doing? 

Pay attention to his hand gestures when figuring out how to get a man to communicate. This is because he might pass vital information across with his hands, things he may not be able to say with his mouth. 

For example, crossed arms could signify defensiveness. If his arms are on his hips, it could be a sign of aggression or because he is ready to take charge of a situation. 

The hands and arms can reveal much, even if he doesn’t know how to communicate. 

5. Is he mirroring you? 

Mirroring is simply the art of replicating your overall body language. People mirror others when they feel comfortable with them, and mirroring is a sign that they wish to build stronger interpersonal relationships. 

So, keep an eye out for this. Does it feel like he is replicating your moves? Don’t be quick to get put off, especially if he is a stranger trying to get his bearings around you. It could be his way of letting you know he is interested without being too upfront. 

Related Reading: The Key to Judgment-free Communication: Mirroring, Validation and Empathy

6. Don’t play the blame game 

To communicate with men in a relationship (and even women, for that matter), you must understand that no one wants to perpetually be at the receiving end of blame. 

Your partner might begin to withdraw from you if they feel like you seize the slightest opportunity to pile blame on them. While figuring out how to communicate with a man who won’t communicate, eliminate blame from your conversation. 

Even if you believe he has done something and deserves to be blamed, you might want to consider approaching this from a different perspective. 

“You are wrong” is no way to get someone out of their shell. 

Dr. Jacobsen recommends,

If you’re upset by something he has done, use ‘I statements’ to express your concerns. This means directly stating how you feel, rather than making attacks on his character.

Related Reading: How to Stop the Blame Game in Your Relationship

7. Talk about your feelings as well 

Sometimes, his inability to communicate might be because of how he perceives you. If he thinks of you as too strong, independent, and stoic, he might decide to keep to himself. 

While you spend your life wondering what you did to deserve a man who won’t even communicate. 

One of the easiest ways to get him to communicate is to speak about your feelings. Talk about more than just how your day went. Open your heart to him, and you might be surprised when he returns the favor. 

Related Reading: 15 Ways to Help Your Partner Understand How You’re Feeling

8. Let him know what you need 

When trying to communicate with someone who shuts down, you must be willing to let them know what you need. There are so many reasons why they can be shutting down on you, and you need to let them know that this also affects you. 

When you let him know what you need, you make it easier for him to adjust. 

9. What is his primary love language®? 

One of the easiest ways to show someone that you love them is by using their primary love language®. The challenge with waiting for him to talk is that words of affirmation might not be his primary love language®. Hence, there may be a disconnection here. 

To eliminate this, find out what his primary love language® is and use it on him repeatedly. Over time, he’ll get used to this, and his communication skills will improve simultaneously. 

Suggested video: The 5 love languages® explained. 

10. Genuinely appreciate him 

People like to be celebrated, praised, and appreciated. While there may be some parts of him that you may not like, there are also some things about him that you love. Focus on those good parts and appreciate him for them. 

When he feels appreciated and genuinely loved, it would be easier for him to adjust (or put in an effort) when you ask him to make changes to how he communicates. That way, he may not see your suggestions as an accusation but as a way for him to become a better man. 

Related Reading: 30 Compliments for Men That They Love to Hear More Often

11. Compliment his looks often 

Looking for how to communicate with a man who won’t communicate? Commending his looks will help you break the ice and get to him faster. 

When he dresses up for an occasion, don’t just stand aside and wait for him to compliment you. Instead, start that cycle by yourself. If he doesn’t tell you that you look good, tell him that he looks amazing. 

He will likely return the favor (even if only out of courtesy). Over time, though, he will know that this type of communication is something to appreciate and will start doing it more frequently.

12. Look at his mouth 

Look at him when you are trying to communicate with a man who won’t communicate. The way he holds his lips will tell you a lot about what he is feeling and thinking every time. 

What is the direction of the edges of his lips? Are they turned upward or downward? If they are turned upward, it could be that he is happy or satisfied with something. Turned downward? He might be angry, sad, or dissatisfied with something. 

13. Ensure your tone of voice is appropriate 

Sometimes, it may not even be about what you said. It may be about the way you said it. A man might pull back from you if he feels like you disrespectfully spoke to him. 

To help him communicate better, focus on passing your message across each time without screaming at him or making him feel small. Ensure that your tone of voice is calm, soothing, and appropriate. Remember, he is your partner and not a random guy. 

14. Ask the people he loves to help you out 

If you can, enlist the help of his close friends and family. While there is no guarantee about how this will turn out, doing this can help him see from your perspective. 

However, if you decide to try this, you must be diplomatic about it. Ensure that you don’t try to enlist too many people, as this might make him feel like you have been spreading stories about him and can even cause more harm than good. 

15. Know when to seek professional help 

He may not open up to you if a professional is not involved. If you think it is necessary, suggest couple’s counseling to him, and if he is on board, you can go ahead with this option. 

Takeaway

Knowing how to communicate with a man who won’t communicate is vital, especially if your man has challenges with communication. 

Use the 15 steps in this article to help him get comfortable with communication because you’ll enjoy the relationship even more when this happens.