Narcissistic Victim Syndrome: 20 Symptoms, Meaning, and Treatment

You enter a relationship because you are in love and you want to be in love. No one would decide to be in a relationship if they knew they would be in an abusive one.

No one deserves to be in a destructive relationship, but it’s more common than we think.

Sadly, narcissists are hard to identify. Being in a relationship with a narcissist can lead to narcissistic victim syndrome.

This can affect the person’s mental and physical health and damage their self-esteem and self-worth.

What is narcissistic victim syndrome?

What is narcissistic abuse syndrome?

Some call it narcissistic abuse syndrome, but it’s also known as narcissistic victim syndrome or narcissistic victim complex.

It’s a form of emotional abuse by being in a relationship with a narcissist.

However, it does not limit itself to emotional side effects. There can be many physical effects of narcissistic abuse that we may not notice.

Narcissists use words that aim to invalidate the people around them. They belittle and manipulate their partners, parents, and children.

As a result, the people around the narcissist will experience narcissistic victim syndrome.

The person who’s in a relationship with a narcissist changes over time. They feel inadequate and worthless and seek approval over the smallest things.

Ultimately, they no longer know who they are and would succumb to the narcissist’s power.

Watch this documentary on narcissism to understand it better:

20 symptoms of narcissistic victim syndrome

If reading this makes you realize that you might be experiencing abuse victim syndrome or know someone who might, then here are ten narcissistic abuse signs to watch out for. What are the long-term effects of narcissistic abuse?

1. You thought you had the perfect relationship

People with a narcissistic victim mentality have similar patterns where the relationship starts as intense and romantic.

At the start of the relationship, it all feels so overwhelming. Their partner seemed romantic, loyal, kind, religious, and generous. They were showered with attention, kindness, and loyalty; like a trap, they would fall in love hard and fast.

They believe that the fairytale-like relationship everyone wants is indeed possible, only to realize that everything was just for show slowly.

As months or years go by, the words that used to make you blush become words that belittle you. The person who supported and showered you with love and affection had turned into someone who thinks you can’t do anything right.

The partner you love has changed to someone who looks at you with hatred and disgust.

Related Reading: 10 Tips to Creating Your Perfect Relationship

2. You always walk on eggshells

One of the most common narcissistic victim syndrome symptoms is fear.

The feeling is like you are walking on eggshells around this person. You become afraid that you start watching your every move, decision, or word you say. You’re terrified that you might trigger your partner’s anger again.

Unfortunately, walking on eggshells won’t make a difference if you are in a relationship with a narcissist.

You will still be the abuser’s target. No matter how much you try to be perfect for this person.

When narcissists are stressed or triggered, they feel that they can use you to relieve their stress – like a punching bag without emotion, just like a thing that they could yell at, belittle, and abuse as much as they want.

3. You feel vulnerable and alone

Another characteristic of being in a relationship with a narcissist is that it won’t show outside your relationship.

Narcissists are masters of manipulation.

They can show everyone that you have a perfect relationship. If you try to let others know about the situation, these people might even side with your partner.

This can cause the abused to start feeling alone.

You start to isolate yourself because you think no one will believe you. These people might even begin questioning you instead.

As you slowly withdraw from society, you become more vulnerable to your narcissistic partner. 

You feel trapped and feel there is no way out of your situation.

4. You experience physical symptoms

Physical symptoms of narcissistic abuse can range from mild to severe pains. 

When we’re stressed, our body will react and show up as physical symptoms. 

That’s why people experiencing narcissistic victim syndrome will experience many different physical symptoms like: 

• Extreme fatigue
• Nausea
• Headaches
• Appetite changes
• Insomnia
• Muscle aches 

This is because people who experience chronic abuse will have their cortisol levels skyrocket. This will cause your immune system to become resistant, and you will become vulnerable to ailments.  

You hear the narcissist’s voice, and your stomach begins to tighten and hurt. You can’t sleep if you know your partner asks you to do something tomorrow.  

No matter how hungry you are, you become nauseous at the sight of food, knowing that you are with a narcissist.  

Each day, you will see and feel the effects of narcissistic victim syndrome. 

Watch this documentary on narcissism to understand it better:

5. You neglect your own needs

When you are in a relationship with a narcissist and the real face of abuse has started, your partner will begin setting rules.

These rules would focus on the narcissist alone.

Everything is about how you can please him and meet all his needs. Soon, you will see that you only live for your partner, and your needs will no longer be met.

When you are with a narcissist, it’s all about this person’s wants and needs.

You can’t talk back without your partner being triggered. You can’t reason out or get upset because a narcissist can turn every situation around.

If you stay in this relationship, you will neglect your needs.

6. You have trust issues

Being in a relationship with a victim narcissist will cause the abused to question everything around them.

All the people trying to get close to you may seem to be a threat. You start to question their motives, the reason why they are there for you, and even their kindness.

It becomes too prominent that you even question yourself.

You look in the mirror and don’t even trust yourself and your judgment. You find yourself shattered by all the words thrown at you and the emotional abuse you’re going through.

7. You start having self-destructive behaviors

What you hear or say to you will be your reality. Do you agree with this?

You’ll be happy if your partner showers you with compliments and sweet words. But what if your partner is a narcissist?

Daily words about how incompetent you are, and that you can’t do even the simplest things, that you have no value, these words will damage you.

Soon, you’ll hear these words in your head, which will materialize in your actions and words. If the person who is being abused has low emotional tolerance, this person won’t survive being with someone with narcissistic victim syndrome.

They can sometimes self-destruct to the point that they want to end their lives.

Related Reading: How to Stop Self Harm in My Relationship: 10 Ways

8. You have a hard time setting boundaries

Narcissists do not care about boundaries. Narcissistic abuse symptoms show up subtly and aren’t easy to identify.

They will not listen to you if you try to stand your ground and limit their actions. Most of the time, you would give up on what you are fighting for.

Narcissists will do what they can to control you, and if this has happened, it will happen repeatedly.

That’s why most victims fail to leave the relationship and eventually feel trapped.

This can also be the same with your other relationship because your sense of control will weaken.

Related Reading: 15 Ways of Setting Boundaries in a New Relationship

9. You don’t know yourself anymore

Another narcissistic abuse sign to watch out for is when you lose yourself in the process of trying to please your narcissistic partner.

What if you want to see your friends from college?

Your abusive partner doesn’t allow you and will try to insinuate that you are choosing them over your relationship. To avoid misunderstanding or another issue, you don’t attend the gathering.

This is already the start of your partner trying to manipulate you. Soon, everything you do will need your partner’s approval. This will cause you to doubt your sense of self.

Look in the mirror. Do you still know who you are?

What do you like? What makes you smile? Do you still have a life outside of your partner?

If you feel lost or empty, you’re already trapped in an abusive relationship.

10. You have signs of depression

People who experience narcissistic victim syndrome are prone to anxiety and depression.

The signs can start slow but can lead to constant worry and fear.

Soon, you might start feeling alone and unloved, and you begin to lose hope and interest in life itself. You question your existence, and the hopelessness of being trapped in an abusive relationship can affect your mental health.

Depression can even lead to a nervous breakdown or suicide.

Related Reading: How to Support a Depressed Partner – 5 Ways

11. Love bombing

One of the symptoms of narcissistic victim syndrome is being love-bombed. When you are a victim of narcissism, you feel extremely loved and showered with affection as soon as the relationship begins, but it goes south eventually. Love bombing is a sign of narcissistic victim abuse.

12. You blame yourself for everything

One of the signs of narcissistic victim abuse is when you feel like you are to be blamed for everything that has gone wrong in the relationship. Your partner makes you feel like you are at fault, and even their mistakes are blamed on you.

13. They gaslight you

One of the symptoms of being a victim of narcissistic abuse is being gaslit. When you confront your partner, they deny the accusations you make. They also tell you that you are imagining things or that the things you mentioned did not happen at all.

Related Reading: 15 Signs of Gaslighting in Relationships and How to Deal With It

14. False pretense

Another sign of being a victim of narcissism is when your partner pretends to be the nicest, healthiest human you know. They only highlight the positive things about themselves and make you think they are perfect when they are far from it.

15. You feel undervalued

When you are a victim of narcissism, you feel undervalued in the relationship. You feel your needs and wants do not matter, and your partner’s wants precede over everything else.

16. You feel guilty

When you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you are told everything is your fault and may start believing it. You may feel guilty about things you did not even do, and the guilt can make you do things that you feel can compensate or make up for your mistakes in the relationship.

17. Trauma bonding

Another sign of narcissistic victim abuse is trauma bonding. You may feel like you are being controlled, abused, confused, or forced to do things you don’t want to.

18. Isolation

Isolating you from your friends, family, and the support system that can help you deal with the loss of this relationship or give you more clarity regarding the relationship’s health is another sign of narcissistic victim syndrome.

19. Triangulation

Triangulation is when other people are pulled into your relationship. If other people know too much about your relationship or get a say in the major decisions of your relationship, it is a sign of narcissistic victim abuse.

20. Passive-aggressive behavior

Passive-aggressive behavior such as silent treatment, no contact, anger, aggression, or making themselves hard to reach is a sign of narcissistic victim syndrome.

5 Strategies to heal from narcissistic abuse 

This is the number one question that an abused person asks. 

“Is there a way out?”

The answer is yes, but before you plan, you must realize that your efforts would never be enough for a narcissist. So don’t fall for love-bombing techniques or empty promises.  

1. Create an exit plan

Be brave and gather all your important documents and even a bag with your necessities. You don’t have to bring all of them, just what you need.

You can also start saving money in a secure bank account only you know. If you have people you can trust, you can talk to them and ask for help.

2. Expect fog lifting

This is the phase post narcissistic abuse syndrome. After the abuse and over some time, you start to think more clearly.

You will experience how to detach from the abuse you once tolerated slowly.

3. No contact

This is very important. All your efforts would be wasted if you kept in touch with the narcissist. Every type of contact that has to do with this person should be erased.

4. Find support for closure

The closure for narcissists is very different from the usual closure after a breakup. Never expect a proper apology or admission of guilt but be careful if this person tries to woo you into believing they can change.

If you’re still having a hard time moving forward, seek professional help.

5. Take better care of yourself

One of the most vital steps in healing from narcissistic abuse is to take care of yourself. Build yourself up, improve your self-esteem, and work on issues you have to deal with and heal from narcissistic abuse. Taking better care of yourself mentally and physically can help you eliminate narcissism.

It is also one of the signs you’re healing from narcissistic abuse.

To understand more about healing from narcissistic abuse, read this article.

Is narcissistic victim syndrome treatable?

Some people who have experienced narcissistic victim syndrome need more help than others.

While some could face the world on their own again, others can’t.

Mental Health Counselor Grady Shumway says,

Individuals who have experienced narcissistic abuse may benefit from therapy or support groups to process their experiences, rebuild self-esteem, and develop coping strategies for healing and recovery. It’s important for survivors to recognize that they are not alone and that healing is possible with support and self-care.

Some people with narcissistic personality disorder require professional help and more time to heal, but don’t lose hope because treatment for narcissistic victim syndrome is possible. Here are some of the proven ways to heal from abuse:

1. Self-care techniques

After the entire trauma, it’s time to focus on yourself.

Self-care can do wonders for someone who has been through so much. Exercise and help your brain release cortisol, which will enhance your mood. 

Relax and read a book to divert all the negative thoughts. Go out and feel your freedom. 

Talk to your friends and watch movies. Turn up the volume and listen to music. 

Slowly get your life back.

2. Medication

It’s advisable to ask for a medical opinion after getting out of emotional abuse.

Depending on the severity of your narcissistic abuse signs, you may be given certain medications to help you cope while healing.

3. Therapy

Therapy can help you. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help in the form of couples therapy or other forms. They have been in this industry and trained to help people who have dealt with so much.

With the help of a therapist, you can get your life back.

4. Love and support

Finally, the love and support of the people around you matter. 

They can be there to accompany you when bad memories haunt you. They can listen to you and hug you. With them at your side, you can take one step at a time and heal.

FAQs

Here are some frequently asked questions about narcissistic victim syndrome.

Is narcissistic victim syndrome treatable?

Yes. Narcissistic victim syndrome is treatable. You can follow the tips and steps mentioned above to heal from narcissism. Breaking free from the relationship, self-care, self-love, therapy, and other methods can help you treat narcissistic victim abuse.

How do victims of narcissists behave?

Victims of narcissistic abuse may have behavioral tendencies like trust issues, feeling guilty, and blaming themselves. Narcissistic victims can feel that everything in the relationship is their fault and that they are good for nothing. They may also feel like they do not have enough value as human beings or in relationships.

The takeaway

Being in an abusive relationship can do so much damage that you feel you can no longer go back to normal.

Narcissistic victim syndrome cases are everywhere.

Each day you stay in this type of relationship, the more you drown in the darkness of depression and fear. You experience loss of self-esteem, substance abuse, and even nightmares.

But there is hope. Once you pull yourself together and make a plan, you can start your life again.

You can battle narcissistic victim syndrome with your friends and loved ones, with determination, and with the help of a professional.

Grady Shumway adds,

It’s important for survivors to be patient with themselves and recognize that healing from narcissistic abuse takes time. With dedication to therapy, self-care, and personal growth, individuals can reclaim their lives, rebuild their sense of self-worth, and cultivate healthier relationships moving forward.

It will be a long road ahead, but you can do it.