21 Telling Signs You Are Forcing Yourself to Love Someone

If you have ever asked, “Am I forcing myself to like someone?” Then it means you have noticed some signs over time.

People go into relationships for different reasons. While some people see it as a form of security, others regard their relationship as a means to an end. Another group of people views relationships as something that complement their lives.

Meanwhile, some people go into a relationship to have someone to love and care for while hoping they reciprocate. Whichever your reasons are, being in a relationship is great. It helps us strengthen our bonds and have someone to talk to when the world seems to be against us.

The problem, however, comes when you are forcing yourself to love someone. So, what exactly does forcing a relationship mean? Or how do you know you are not being forced into a relationship?

What does forcing a relationship mean

In a typical relationship, each partner is committed to the relationship, and it’s not even hard to recognize it. For example, you may find couples planning and creating goals together. They know what they want in the relationship and are both ready to work or achieve them.

When you are not forced into a relationship, your actions come willingly, and you will do anything to make the relationship successful. But it does not mean there won’t be disagreements. Healthy couples have disputes occasionally, but what makes them stand out is that they always try to make it work out. They look for ways to fish out the problem and settle it.

However, if you ever feel like you do the most in a relationship, it could mean you are forcing love in a relationship. For example, sex is one of the ways couples create bonds with each other. It should come naturally without coercion. If you find yourself begging to have one, it means you are in a forced relationship or forcing yourself to like someone.

Forcing a relationship means you are making someone love you against their will. Love is not by force and is best enjoyed when the two partners are on the same page. It’s normal to seek ways to learn how to make yourself fall in love with someone.

Similarly, you can make yourself love someone in different ways. However, you need to stop when it looks like you are forcing yourself to love someone or your partner feels like they are being forced into a relationship. You can consider relationship counseling at this stage. 

5 reasons people force themselves to love someone

People may resort to forcing themselves to love someone due to societal expectations, fear of loneliness, external influences, personal insecurities, or a lack of alternative options. However, it’s important to prioritize authentic love based on genuine feelings, respect, and emotional compatibility for healthy and fulfilling relationships.

Can you force yourself to love someone? Yes, and here are some common reasons why you might force yourself to love someone:

1. Societal expectations

People may feel pressured to love someone due to societal norms and expectations. Society often romanticizes the idea of being in love or being in a committed relationship, and individuals may feel compelled to conform to these ideals, even if their true feelings don’t align.

2. Fear of loneliness

Many individuals fear being alone or facing social isolation. They may convince themselves that they love someone simply to avoid feelings of loneliness and the discomfort that can come with being single.

3. External influences

Christiana Njoku, a Licensed Professional Counselor and Relationship Coach, says, 

When well-to-do family members and friends go as far as saying ‘just look for a lady or man to marry, we will sponsor your wedding and the likes’ just know you are under pressure to find someone to love.

External factors, such as family or friends, can influence a person’s decision to force themselves to love someone. They may feel obligated to maintain a relationship due to pressure from loved ones or because they fear disappointing or hurting others.

4. Personal insecurities

People with low self-esteem or a fear of rejection may force themselves to love someone as a way to boost their own self-worth. They may believe that being in a relationship will validate their value or make them feel more desirable.

5. Lack of alternative options

In some cases, individuals may convince themselves that they love someone because they perceive them as the only available option. They may believe that settling for someone they don’t truly love is better than being alone or facing the uncertainty of finding someone else.

It’s important to note that forcing oneself to love someone is not a healthy or sustainable approach to relationships. Authentic love should be based on genuine feelings, mutual respect, and emotional compatibility. 

It’s crucial for individuals to prioritize their own emotional well-being and seek relationships that are built on honesty and shared affection.

21 signs you are forcing yourself to love someone

If you have asked, “Am I forcing my relationship, “then you may want to know the signs that you are forcing yourself to love someone. Check out the following telltale signs for this:

1. You are always the first to settle a fight

Again, all healthy relationships are characterized by fights and disagreements once in a while. Conflicts only mean you are being honest with each other and know when to say no.

However, if you are always the first to settle the fight, it means you are forcing a relationship. If you can’t remember the last time your partner called you to fix a rift, you are in a forced relationship. Intentional couples know the importance of settling a dispute as soon as possible.

2. Persuasion is hard

A forced relationship involves one person working harder than usual to build a connection. Two individuals who are in a healthy relationship should be able to persuade and advise each other without fear.

Your partner should regard you as someone worthy of being listened to. But when you constantly exert much effort to sway your partner to do the least, it means you are forcing yourself to love someone.

3. You compromise a lot

“Am I forcing myself to like someone?” If you want an answer to this question, do a quick review of your actions. Have you been making all the compromises while your partner sits back and does nothing?

Understand that no relationship should make you uncomfortable. However, you might need to deny yourself something to make the relationship work. For example, it is vital to take some time for you and your partner to meet.

If it seems like you are the only one making all the compromises, you are forcing love into a relationship.

4. You make all the plans

As stated earlier, a typical couple plans together. The beginning of a relationship revolves around how to make it work and the actions involved. The couple makes plans for vacations, events, goals, etc.

No matter how busy you are, it is best to make plans for you and your partner to see. If you are the only one carrying this responsibility, you might be forcing love into a relationship.

5. Your partner fights over the smallest thing

A forced relationship or a relationship where you force yourself to love someone is usually full of drama. When your partner takes delight in fighting you over little things, it may mean that you are forcing yourself to love someone.

For instance, if they fight you to meet up with an old friend around the time they are with their friend, that is a sign of a forced relationship.

6. You beg for intimacy

Love is a beautiful phenomenon that involves a strong bond between partners. This bond naturally pushes the individuals to each other and foreground intimacy – it’s simply effortless.

If you find yourself persuading your partner to be intimate with you, that is one of the signs you are forcing a relationship. You are good enough and shouldn’t beg to be adored.

7. You buy gifts all the time

Different languages characterize love. For some, being physically available for their partner is a love language, while others value care. Some individuals express theirs through gifts.

It’s understandable if buying gifts is how you express your love, but you should try to reciprocate with similar gestures. As little as a box of candy can make all the difference. If you realize you buy all the gifts most of the time, that’s one of the signs you are forcing yourself to love someone.

8. Your partner never apologizes

No matter how much you love your partner, there are times they will offend you, and you will do the same. That is quite normal in a relationship. Recognizing you are at fault and making amends is the key to solving this relationship.

One of the ways of resolving an issue is to apologize. However, you might never get an apology in a forced relationship. If your partner is at fault but doesn’t see the need to apologize, you might be forcing yourself to like someone.

9. You long to be in love

One of the clear signs of being pressured in a relationship is when you still imagine being in love. You shouldn’t crave love when you are supposedly in a relationship.

Nobody is perfect, but your partner – the person you choose to be your love interest – should be enough. If otherwise, it means you are in a forced relationship or forcing yourself to like someone.

10. You are heartbroken all the time

If you are at a point in your relationship where you ask yourself, “Am I forcing myself to like someone?” Chances are you have had your heart broken many times. Your partner will sometimes offend you as you grow into each other.

What your partner won’t do, however, is to break your heart many times. Some of the things that might break your heart include cheating and lying. When this action repeats itself in a relationship, and you are still there, you are forcing yourself to love someone.

11. You don’t see them in your future

Some people have asked the question, “Can you make yourself love someone?” Yes, you can if they fit your definition of a lifetime partner.

You might not necessarily envision your relationship to become quite huge in the future. But as you get to know your partner, it’s only normal that you imagine a lifetime with them.

If your partner doesn’t fit into your definition of a partner in the future, you might feel like being in a forced relationship. Trying to make them into your ideal partner is one of the signs of being pressured in a relationship.

12. You don’t know what a happy relationship means

One other sign of trying to force a relationship is when you can’t define a happy relationship. You will think you know it all until someone asks you what it feels like to be in a healthy and happy relationship, and you can’t describe it.

Your relationship should be a typical example, and you should be able to draw one or two examples from it. When you can’t, it only means you are forcing yourself to love someone.

13. You wish the relationship ends

“Can you make yourself love someone?” Of course, you can. But if your effort isn’t yielding any positive results, you might be trying to force a relationship.

If you are in a happy relationship, you will never think of the ending of the relationship. And that’s why some failed relationships are more painful than others – the couple never envisioned a breakup.

On the other hand, if a part of you wishes something terrible happens so you and your partner can go your separate ways, that is one of the signs of being pressured in a relationship.

14. The mood is tense when you are together

An intimate couple shouldn’t have problems bonding together, especially if they haven’t seen each other for ages. If the mood suddenly becomes dull when you see your partner, that might mean you are both being forced into a relationship.

15. You sometimes want to cheat

One way to know you love your partner is when others don’t attract you, even if they are flawless.

In a forced relationship, however, you will constantly feel tempted to cheat on your partner. If you eventually do, you won’t feel remorse about it. That is a sign that you are forcing yourself to love someone.

16. You constantly doubt your feelings

You frequently question the authenticity of your feelings for the person. Instead of experiencing a sense of certainty and security in your love, you find yourself plagued by doubts and uncertainties. 

You may seek constant reassurance from others or engage in self-convincing behaviors to validate the existence of your feelings. This ongoing self-doubt suggests that the love you’re experiencing may not be genuine.

17. You feel resentful and frustrated 

Despite your efforts to convince yourself of your love, you often find yourself feeling frustrated or resentful towards the person. Their behaviors or actions may consistently disappoint or irritate you, and you may struggle to overlook or forgive their shortcomings. 

These negative emotions stem from a disconnect between your true desires and the forced love you’re attempting to cultivate.

18. You feel emotionally exhausted

Rather than feeling energized and fulfilled in the relationship, you frequently experience emotional exhaustion. The constant effort required to maintain the facade of love takes a toll on your emotional well-being. 

Pretending to have feelings that don’t genuinely exist is draining and unsustainable, leaving you feeling emotionally depleted and fatigued over time.

19. You deliberately ignore red flags

Despite the presence of significant issues or red flags in the relationship, you consciously choose to overlook or downplay them. 

You may ignore warning signs of incompatibility, toxicity, or fundamental differences in values or goals. This behavior stems from a desire to maintain the facade of love, even when faced with clear indications that the relationship may not be healthy or fulfilling.

20. You suppress your true feelings

In an attempt to maintain the illusion of love, you often bury your true emotions. 

Instead of expressing your genuine thoughts and feelings, you find yourself pretending to be happy or content when, in reality, you’re not. This suppression of your true self and emotions is a clear indicator that you’re forcing yourself to love someone, as authentic love thrives on openness, honesty, and emotional vulnerability.

21. You seek external validation

Your need for external validation and approval becomes apparent in your relationship. Instead of relying on your own feelings and intuition, you constantly seek the opinions and acceptance of others to validate your relationship. 

Whether it’s seeking reassurance from friends or family or striving to meet societal expectations, this reliance on external validation suggests that you may be forcing yourself to love someone to fulfill external standards rather than your own genuine emotions.

Watch this video to learn how to stop seeking external validation:

FAQs

Here are the answers to some pressing questions that may come to your mind if you are wondering, “Is it possible to force yourself to love someone?”

• Is it possible to force yourself to stop liking someone?

It is challenging to force yourself to stop liking someone completely, as feelings are complex and deeply rooted. However, with conscious effort and time, it is possible to diminish or redirect your feelings toward someone. By distancing yourself, focusing on personal growth, and actively shifting your thoughts and attention, you can gradually reduce the intensity of your feelings. 

However, it’s important to be patient and kind to yourself, as emotions may take time to change, and seeking support from friends or professionals can be helpful in navigating this process.

• Does forcing yourself to stay in a relationship work?

Forcing yourself to stay in a relationship is generally not a healthy or sustainable approach. While there may be situations where individuals make sacrifices or compromises for the sake of a relationship, genuine love and fulfillment cannot be forced. 

Trying to maintain a relationship when love, connection, or compatibility is lacking can lead to emotional dissatisfaction, resentment, and unhappiness for both parties involved. It is important to prioritize your emotional well-being and seek relationships that are built on mutual love, respect, and compatibility rather than forcing something that isn’t genuinely fulfilling.

Final thoughts

Christiana Njoku highlights,

When it comes to romantic relationships, people should be left alone to think and make the choice of who to be with by themselves and not be manipulated or coerced to do so. If there is any form of coercion, you will be forcing yourself to love in that relationship.

“Am I forcing myself to love someone?’ If you have asked yourself this question above, you suspect you are forcing love in a relationship.

Everyone deserves a partner who loves and cherishes them all the time. However, a forced relationship can make you feel like you don’t deserve good things. It is primarily characterized by unreciprocated love and actions.

If you have observed the signs above in your relationship, it means you are forcing someone to love you. What you need to do is to stop forcing yourself to like someone. It’s OK if you want to learn how to make yourself fall in love with someone, but don’t force a relationship if your partner doesn’t like it.