17 Signs She Is Testing You & How to Win Her Over

Listen to this article

Being in a romantic relationship and experiencing the profound emotions of love is a significant and transformative journey for most people, regardless of gender. The days when fairy tales and sweeping gestures solely defined love are behind us. 

Today, individuals, particularly women, seek more than just enchanting tales. They aspire to build strong, enduring partnerships that stand the test of time.

In this modern landscape of love and companionship, it’s common for individuals, both men and women, to engage in a subtle yet intricate dance of understanding and discovery. Often, this takes the form of what many describe as ‘testing.’ It’s a phenomenon driven by a desire to delve deeper into a potential partner’s character, values, and intentions.

But why do people test one another? What does it signify when someone appears to be evaluating your responses and reactions? 

In this exploration, we delve into the intricacies of these tests, primarily focusing on how women navigate this terrain in relationships. We aim to shed light on the underlying reasons, nuances, and potential pitfalls associated with such testing.

However, it’s essential to approach this topic with a critical perspective. Healthy and lasting relationships thrive on trust, open communication, and mutual respect. Rather than viewing interactions as tests, fostering an environment of sincere dialogue to address concerns and uncertainties often leads to stronger and more satisfying connections. 

What does it mean when a girl is testing you?

The reality is most potential partners know that at some point in their adult life, a person would test them, and that’s not a problem. However, what drives them crazy is the thought that sometimes, they don’t even realize that they are already being tested!

Now, why is this important for women?

Most women would test you because they see you as a potential lifetime partner. Think of it as a complicated screening tool that will let them know what type of a person you are and if you are the one she’s been waiting for.

Men do this as well. They observe a potential partner and see if they are compatible. It’s just that women are more focused on these tests. 

Some women’ test’ potential partners more than others, which may be underlying reasons for that. Some women just want to be sure about your sincerity, while others may have been in an abusive relationship and just don’t want to make the same mistake again.

When a girl is “testing” you in a relationship context, these tests can take various forms, such as testing your patience, loyalty, or emotional reactions. However, it’s essential to note that the concept of “testing” can be problematic in relationships. 

Healthy relationships are built on trust, open communication, and mutual respect, not on constantly evaluating each other. Instead of interpreting such behaviors as tests, it’s advisable to foster open dialogue and address any concerns or uncertainties directly to build a healthier and more transparent relationship.

13 signs she is testing you

Before we proceed with how women test their potential partners – we have to be clear that there is a difference between a woman who wants to test you and a woman who is not interested in you.

Learning how to know if she is testing you is very important so that you don’t waste your time and effort. If you are ready, here are the signs she is testing you:

1. She responds late to your texts or misses your calls

“Is she testing me by not texting back?”

In some instances, yes, she is. Sometimes, she might just be busy with work or chores, but there are times when she is just trying to test you.

She might already have seen your text or call, but she is purposely delaying her response to show you that she’s not spending all of her time waiting for you.

She wants to test if you would see her as a desperate partner or not.

2. She watches your manners

Is she testing me by watching my actions towards her?

Absolutely! Women are very observant, and you have to understand that manners matter. She wants to see if you would hold the door for her or if you would lend her your coat when it gets chilly.

She wants to be sure that you are consistent with your promises and actions.

3. She insists on splitting the bill

She just offered to split the bill! Is this also a test? Sorry to break it to you, but it’s most likely one of the signs she is testing you. 

Of course, in some instances, your girlfriend wants to split the bill, but sometimes, she just wants to test you. Your girl just wants to see if you would get used to splitting the bill with her and eventually becoming dependent.

She wants to know if you will accept the offer or if you would insist on paying.

4. She plays hard to get

She’s playing hard to get. Is this even a test?

Another situation when she is testing you is when she is hard to get. It may become frustrating, at times, when you can’t seem to convince her that you are sincere with your feelings and intentions towards her.

She wants to know how serious you are about her and your relationship before she can admit to you and herself that she has fallen in love. So, there is a chance that she pulls away to test you. 

5. She wants to know if you are available when she needs you

“She’s an independent woman, but suddenly, she’s asking for me.”

Remember that when a woman asks for your help, she might be trying to figure out if you are someone she could rely on. 

She may feel sick and ask you to cook for her or buy her medicine. She simply wants to see if you will come to her and be there, when she needs you.

Women want to know if they are a top priority in your life.

6. She constantly repeats one topic

She’s been repeating one thing over and over again.

Here’s how to know if a girl is testing you – if you notice that she has been telling you something more than once, she most likely wants it.

Listen, and you’ll know, but don’t expect her to tell it upfront. She most likely wants you to ask more about it and make the first move.

She wants you to read between the lines and see if you know her.

7. She brings you to a place where there is temptation

She wants us to go to a party where there are many beautiful ladies. It’s another test, right?

That’s correct! She probably wants to know if you would check out beautiful ladies or, worse, even talk and be friendly with them.

She simply wants to know if you can resist the temptation.

8. She postpones, cancels, or changes her mind

“Out of the blue, she just cancels our plan.”

Check if there is a valid reason or if there was an emergency. If not, it’s probably one of the signs she is testing your patience. If you are serious, you will make a way to see her one way or the other, romantic, won’t it?

She wants to see how much effort you would put in just to see her.

9. She introduces you to her friends and family

She wants me to get close to her friends and family. What does this test mean?

This is because these people are essential to her. She wants to know each and every one’s opinion of you and your relationship. Of course, their opinions matter to her.

She wants to know if they will approve of your relationship.

10. She pushes you to the limit

I’m at my wit’s end! Why is she too difficult and unreasonable? 

Sometimes, you may feel like your girlfriend is throwing a tantrum and that she is testing your patience – you’re right. Maybe she is trying to see how you would do if she put you under pressure.

For example, she may send you repeated messages about a fight or something that bothers you. This could be one of the signs she is testing you through texts. She is testing your patience, and she wants to know how you would respond.

11. She doesn’t want to get intimate

She refuses to get intimate with me.

It’s one of those signs she is testing you when she avoids any type of intimacy. 

A man only interested in physical intimacy won’t be an ideal partner if she’s thinking of settling down. By avoiding intimacy, she will see if you will become impatient or change how you treat her.

She wants to know what your real intentions are. Are you just playing, or are you the real deal?

12. She wants to know your future plans and goals

She is asking me about my plans and goals in life. What does this mean?

When your girlfriend starts asking you about your goals, plans, or even your ambitions, this means that she thinks of you as a potential lifetime partner. 

She wants to feel secure with the man who will accompany her in fulfilling her dreams.

13. She is eager to know more about your past

She is so interested in my past. Is this also a test?

The answer is a crisp YES! Asking about your past is just a way for her to dig deeper into your past relationships. She also wants to know if you are already over your feelings for them or still have contact with some of them.

She wants to feel secure that you are a hundred percent over your exes and that you love her.

14. She monitors your social media activity

If she frequently checks your likes, comments, or follows on social media, it could suggest she’s assessing your level of interest and engagement in her life. Her interest in your online interactions may be a way to gauge your involvement in the relationship or to see if you’re connecting with others. 

It’s important to communicate openly about social media boundaries and privacy concerns to maintain trust and understanding in the relationship.

15. She compares you to others

One of the ways you can be tested is when someone in a relationship mentions their friends or past partners and subtly evaluates your qualities or behavior in comparison. This behavior can indicate insecurity or a desire for reassurance about your compatibility. 

For instance, she might say something like, “My ex always knew how to handle situations like this,” or “My friend’s partner is so attentive.” By making these comparisons, she aims to assess your qualities and see if you meet her standards or preferences. 

16. She tests your boundaries

Testing your boundaries involves deliberately pushing the limits of what you’re comfortable with in a relationship. 

For example, your partner might frequently ask you to do things you find uncomfortable, like lending a significant amount of money or invading your privacy by going through your personal belongings. 

This behavior is aimed at seeing how much you’re willing to tolerate or assert your own boundaries in the relationship, ultimately testing your level of commitment and the strength of your boundaries. It’s important to communicate openly when you feel uncomfortable with such requests to maintain a healthy relationship.

17. She puts forth unexpected challenges

Unexpected challenges in a relationship refer to situations deliberately created by one person to gauge their partner’s ability to handle adversity. 

For instance, testing your partner’s reaction to a hypothetical financial crisis or introducing a sudden conflict to see how they respond can be considered an unexpected challenge. It’s a way to assess emotional resilience, problem-solving skills, and how supportive the partner is during tough times.

However, such examples of women’s tests should be approached with caution and followed by open communication to avoid misunderstandings or harm to the relationship.

Remember that not everyone engages in these behaviors, and they can vary greatly from person to person.

Instead of assuming someone is testing you, consider having open and honest conversations to understand each other’s needs, concerns, and expectations in the relationship. Trust and clear communication are key to building a healthy and strong connection.

How do you win her over in these tests?

Don’t pressure yourself. If you do, then you won’t have time to enjoy your relationship. As a tip, remember that instead of showing what she wants to see, just learn to recognize every situation and act accordingly.

Start by listening to her; then, you will have an idea about her personality, what she likes and hates, and what she’s afraid of. 

Once you are armed with this knowledge, you will be able to know how to respond to her ‘tests’ and ultimately pass and convince her that you are the one that she’s looking for.

While it’s essential to maintain open and honest communication in a healthy relationship rather than playing games or “winning” someone over during tests, here are seven ways to navigate challenges and tests in a relationship with maturity and empathy:

1. Stay calm and patient

Maintaining composure during tests is crucial. For example, if she intentionally creates a scenario where you have to wait for her, rather than becoming frustrated and confrontational, take it in stride. Remaining calm and patient shows emotional maturity and can de-escalate tense situations.

2. Active listening

According to Christiana Njoku, a Licensed Professional Counselor and Relationship Coach,

Every woman wants to be with a man, who is ready to hear what she has got to say, not just to hear, but listen attentively and respond appropriately. Exerting extra effort as a man, to contribute to what she’s saying at that point in time, is another plus.

Active listening means giving your full attention to what she’s saying without interrupting or jumping to conclusions. For instance, if she brings up a past relationship, listen attentively to understand her feelings and concerns. Respond with empathy, saying something like, “I can understand why that experience might still affect you.”

3. Communication

Initiate a conversation to address the issue at hand. Suppose she tests your commitment by mentioning breaking up. In that case, calmly express your desire to understand her feelings and discuss where the relationship is headed. Avoid defensive or accusatory language and focus on finding solutions together.

4. Empathy

Put yourself in her shoes to grasp her perspective. For example, if she tests your jealousy by mentioning an admirer, empathize with her need for reassurance. Say, “I understand that you might need to feel desired, but I want you to know how much you mean to me.”

5. Support

Counsellor Christiana Njoku highlights,

A healthy relationship involves supporting and caring for one another, both emotionally and practically and for her to be sure of your support, you need to show you are supportive of her. 

Offer emotional support when she’s feeling vulnerable. If she tests your reliability by creating a situation where she needs assistance, be there for her without hesitation. This demonstrates your willingness to be a supportive partner in challenging times.

6. Set boundaries

If her tests cross boundaries or make you uncomfortable, express your limits respectfully. 

For instance, if she repeatedly tests your patience by canceling plans last-minute, say, “I understand that sometimes things come up, but I’d appreciate it if we could stick to our plans or communicate changes earlier.”

7. Consistency

Show reliability in your actions and words. If she tests your trustworthiness by checking if you’ll follow through on commitments, consistently deliver on your promises. Being reliable and predictable builds trust and confidence in the relationship.

Remember, these approaches should be used with the intention of fostering a healthy, open, and communicative relationship, not to manipulate or “win” someone over. Building trust, respect, and emotional connection should be the ultimate goal in any relationship.

Watch this video to learn why consistency is an important part of love:

Commonly asked questions

In relationships, it’s natural to encounter moments of uncertainty and testing. Here are concise answers to some common questions related to testing in relationships:

• Is she testing me by pulling away?

Sometimes, when a girl pulls away, it might not be a test but a sign of personal issues or a need for space. It’s essential to communicate openly to understand her feelings and concerns rather than assuming it’s a test. Healthy relationships thrive on trust and dialogue.

• How does a girl test your patience?

A girl might test your patience by creating situations that challenge your tolerance, such as canceling plans or giving you the silent treatment. The key is to remain calm and understanding, addressing the issue through communication rather than reacting impulsively.

• What are some common mistakes that men make when being tested by a woman?

Common mistakes include reacting defensively, getting angry, or playing games in response to tests. These responses can lead to misunderstandings and harm the relationship. Instead, it’s better to respond with empathy, patience, and open communication.

• Is testing someone in a relationship healthy?

Occasional testing, such as to gauge compatibility or reactions, can be natural in a relationship. However, excessive or manipulative testing can be detrimental. Healthy relationships are built on trust, communication, and mutual respect, not on constant tests.

• Is it good if a girl is testing you?

Testing can be a way to understand each other better, but it should be done in moderation and with respect. Excessive or malicious testing can harm the relationship. It’s important to maintain open communication and ensure that both partners feel valued and secure in the relationship.

Conclusion

In the intricate landscape of relationships, each person may have their unique way of understanding and expressing their feelings. 

Factors such as past experiences, personal traumas, doubts, and self-esteem issues can all contribute to how someone tests their potential partner. It’s essential to approach these moments with empathy and a willingness to listen and understand.

To navigate these tests, pay close attention to the signs she is testing you and respond with sincerity. Ultimately, both partners deserve an opportunity to prove their authenticity and build a lasting relationship founded on respect, open communication, and genuine intimacy. 

Remember, it’s not about “winning” someone over but about creating a nurturing and healthy connection built on trust and understanding.