25 Things You Wish You Knew Before First Relationship

Listen to this article

Whether you’re already married or living together or just getting to know each other, romantic relationships can be very exciting. The first relationship a person experiences can also be a great learning opportunity.                 

Now whether you’re thinking about getting into your first relationship with another girl or boy or you’re well experienced when it comes to romantic relationships, there are some key pointers that you can always keep in mind when it comes to love.

What makes the first year of a relationship so difficult?

The first year of romantic relationships is a difficult phase for a lot of reasons. Simply put, it is a completely new experience for the couple. In addition, it is a phase where a couple, either married or unmarried, begins to adjust to each other.

This is the phase when a person is slowly becoming a very important part of your life. It’s a period of discovery where you find out about each other’s habits (good and bad), their opinions, their family, friends, etc. This adjustment phase is what makes the first year difficult.

Dionne Eleanor, Relationship & Empowerment Mentor, says

True love isn’t about finding the perfect match but learning to adjust and grow through the imperfections together.

At what age do people have their first relationship?

The answer to this question varies from country to country and is heavily dependent on culture. According to the American Pediatric Academy survey, girls start dating at around 12 years, and boys start dating at a slightly older age.

Therefore, the average age of first relationship is around the beginning to middle of the adolescent stage of development.  

However, some people prefer to remain single (perhaps it is embedded in their culture) even beyond their 20s. This group is more inclined towards enjoying their independence and reaching a financially stable position in life rather than entering into early relationships. 

Related Reading: Save Your First Relationship- Beware of These 10 Mistakes

25 things you wish you would’ve known before your first relationship

Now that you have a basic idea about why the first year of romantic relationships can be the most trying period and the average age at which people experience their first romantic relationship, let’s take a look at 25 things you wish you knew before your first relationship.  

1. You need to be satisfied with yourself first

Dionne Eleanor adds here,

Self-love is the foundation upon which all other relationships build – without it, no connection can truly thrive.

Whether you’re married, in a live-in relationship, or have just gotten into a romantic relationship, having a partner who encourages and validates you is great. But that shouldn’t be the only source of your self-esteem. To be satisfied in a relationship, you need to be happy with yourself first. 

If you don’t feel good about yourself, you can’t expect to be happy or satisfied with your boyfriend, girlfriend, or lover. So working on yourself first is essential.

Related Reading: Steps to Help You With Learning to Love Yourself

2. Neglecting loved ones for the sake of your relationship is not right

When you’re in a new relationship, you might have the desire to spend all your time with your partner. But the thing is that your family and your friends were there for you even when you were single! 

So, it’s not a great idea to neglect them to spend all your time with your partner.

Finding that balance where you take out the time for your loved ones and your partner is important. This may entail a lot of trial and error, but it’s worth it!

Related Reading: The Importance of Friends After Marriage

3. Don’t be very guarded

For a first-time relationship, because it is such a new experience, it is normal to be apprehensive about how much information you want to share about yourself with your lover. But, it happens, and it’s alright!

It’s not a great idea to reveal all the intimate details about yourself from the get-go but, it is crucial to show vulnerability. It’s all about balance.

Dionne Eleanor mentions,

Vulnerability in love isn’t weakness; it’s a powerful invitation to connect on the deepest level.

Related Reading: How to Share Your Feelings With Your Spouse

4. It may not end in a “happily ever after”

Only a small percentage of relationships that begin in high school have long-term potential. 

Why is this? 

It’s because first relationships help people learn a lot about themselves and what they like and don’t like. In the process of figuring out your likes and dislikes, you might find deal-breakers.

5. You might get hurt

Like every decision you take in life involves some degree of risk, so do relationships. 

The necessary risk that has to be taken in romantic relationships is vulnerability. You and your girlfriend or boyfriend have to slowly start opening up to each other to grow and develop a deeper connection.

However, this also opens up the possibility of hurting each other. Therefore, for first relationship advice, this pointer is essential. 

6. This will be a learning experience

Here, Dionne Eleanor says

Each relationship we experience is a mirror, reflecting the lessons we most need to learn about ourselves.

When you first get romantically involved with someone, it’s a thrilling experience. Somewhere in your heart, you may hope that you two end up together forever. However, there’s a possibility of things panning out differently.

So, if your first ever relationship ended in a breakup, it’s okay. You can learn from it. You can analyze what you liked, what you disliked, your preferences, and much more.

Related Reading: Relationship Facts You Learn From a Breakup

7. Your life shouldn’t be completely centered around your partner

This is another key takeaway from first romances. It’s not just about making time for your friends and relatives when you first get romantically involved with someone; there’s more to it. 

Life isn’t going to stop because you’re in love.

You may be a student, or you may be employed and have other responsibilities too. Those are important too. Forgoing these other important things for the sake of your relationship is not a good idea at all.

8. Honesty is essential

Healthy relationships require both partners to be honest with each other. However, for first-time relationships, people might feel that urge to be the best version of themselves which may mean that they aren’t completely honest with themselves.

Dishonesty might smoothen things out in the short term but might make you unhappy and affect the relationship in the long run. This even applies if you’re just dating someone and getting to know that person. 

So it’s better to be transparent from the get-go.

Related Reading: How Important Is Integrity in Relationships

9. Trust your gut

Human beings have evolved a great deal since the beginning of time and with that comes enhanced abilities to sense and perceive things around them. 

So if you have a bad feeling related to your relationship that keeps growing over time, acknowledge it and do something about it.

10. Respect yourself and your partner

This is one of the things to know before getting into a relationship. If you don’t feel like you’re being respected by the person you’re with, it’s probably not worth your time. But, on the other hand, it’s equally essential for you to respect yourself and respect your partner. 

When you have self-respect, you get a lot of clarity about where you stand, how you deserve to be treated, and what is and isn’t worth your energy and time.

Also Try: How Much Do You Admire And Respect Your Partner Quiz

11. Don’t compare your relationship with other relationships

Every relationship is unique. Just like every person has individual differences, every relationship is different. Comparison is one of the most common first relationship mistakes.

When you or your partner have set expectations in your mind about the relationship based on what you see online or around you, it’s like you’re setting yourself up for disappointment and failure.

Related Reading: Compare No More: Building Confidence in Your Marriage

12. Ignoring red flags isn’t a great idea

With the extensive information available nowadays about the types of abuse people can encounter in relationships, you need to be aware. So be on the lookout for signs of emotional, verbal, mental, financial, or physical abuse.

There is no justification for any abusive behavior. However, ignoring these red flags won’t make things better for you or your partner.

Related Reading: 7 Relationship Red Flags to Watch For

13. The romance may fade with time

When you start dating for the first time, the amount of physical intimacy or lovey-dovey things you say to each other may be quite high. It’s normal because it’s new and that’s beautiful!

However, when you both move past that infatuation phase, things might not feel as romantic anymore. If and when this happens, don’t be scared to acknowledge it and talk about it!

Related Reading: Tips to Reignite the Romantic Spark in your Relationship

14. No pressure to be perfect

Relationships are not about perfection. As individuals, no one can be expected to be perfect. Likewise, there is no such thing as an ideal relationship. Keep these things in mind and balance your expectations.

It’s a beautiful thing to grow and become closer to each other, no matter what type of a romantic relationship you’re in. But it’s not about being perfect or expecting your partner to be perfect!

Related Reading: How to Avoid Consequences Of Perfectionism On Relationships

15. Don’t rush; pace yourself

As mentioned earlier, vulnerability is important for romantic relationships to grow. It is a risk you both take as and when you sense that it’s right. But, it’s also important to pace yourself. 

If you rush into major decisions about the relationship, you might regret it later.

16. You can’t change your lover

One of the most important tips for your first relationship is that you need to be realistic about your expectations. Being with someone in the hopes of changing that person may, unfortunately, end in disappointment.

Moreover, change occurs from within. So if you’re going to be the agent of change for your boyfriend, partner, or girlfriend, the change may not be authentic.

Related Reading: Why You Shouldn't Try to Change Your Partner 

17. Love is not everything

Although it is important to have that romantic attraction, relationships aren’t solely based on love. The reality is that there’s a lot more that goes into building a long-lasting and healthy connection with your partner.

Other factors like compatibility, maturity, finances, and much more go into making a relationship last. You might be totally in love with someone and still experience deal-breakers.

Related Reading: Your Best Life Partner – It’s Not Enough to Be in Love

18. Disagreements are normal

This point is aligned with the fact that every individual is different. Therefore, as important as it is to have the same core beliefs, values, and morals, you and your lover will most probably not agree on everything.

People have opinions, and these opinions differ. Disagreements about minor things are expected and normal. A few bickering here and there aren’t uncommon.

Related Reading: How To Deal With Disagreements In A Relationship

19. Alone time can be beneficial

This is not only important for couples who are married or in a live-in relationship; this applies to all romantic relationships. As important and wonderful as it is to be together, having that “me-time” is also important.

Time with yourself helps you grow and recharge or rejuvenate. The me-time helps you engage in your hobbies, spend time with friends or have some self-care time.

20. Your partner isn’t responsible for your happiness

For your first real relationship, try to keep in mind that you aren’t the center of your partner’s world and vice-versa. As much as they can hype you up and appreciate you, your lover cannot be the only source of your happiness. 

Both people involved in the relationship cannot just rely on each other to be happy. That puts a lot of pressure on the respective partners and can damage the connection.

Dionne Eleanor believes,

Your happiness is a journey you are responsible for; your partner can walk beside you, but they cannot carry you there.

21. Healthy boundaries are important

One of the most important first relationship tips to remember is that boundaries are essential. When you’re with someone, you both slowly understand some things you like, and you don’t like. 

For instance, you might not like any public display of affection; or your partner may not like to hang out with your friends every weekend.

When you realize these things, it’s important to let your partner know about your boundaries and vice-versa honestly and respectfully.

Related Reading: Why Setting and Maintaining Healthy Boundaries in Dating Is Important

22. Effective and healthy communication is necessary

This is undeniably one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship. 

Think about the times you’ve said “I’m fine” to your boyfriend when you were not fine. Confrontation is tough, but it’s better than hoarding up your feelings and then having an outburst.

Related Reading: Effective Communication Skills in Relationships

23. Doubting the future of your relationship is normal

After your first relationship, there might have been times when you’d question the future of your love life. 

Frankly, the most important thing to do here, when this happens, is to address your feelings and talk about them.

24. You have to learn how to trust your partner

Trust is important. It takes time to develop. The funny thing is that it can be broken in a second. 

You need to slowly start trusting your partner in relationships, and your lover needs to trust you. It’s one of the pillars of a romantic relationship.

Related Reading: 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship With Your Partner

25. Sacrifices, compromises, and negotiations are normal

A big part of romantic relationships is the element of making compromises and sacrifices for each other. This stems from the fact every person is unique, so you will end up disagreeing about things. 

For example, if you’re in a live-in relationship or married, you will have to compromise on sharing a bed with your partner.

Related Reading: How Important Is Sacrifice in a Relationship?

Take a quick look at this video to understand what you should and should not do in your first relationship:

Conclusion

As Dionne Eleanor says,

Every relationship offers us a mirror, showing both our light and shadows. It’s how we choose to grow from this reflection that truly defines our path in love.

The first relationship is always special, and you must make the most of it! These 25 things, however little they might seem to be, will help you have a beautiful relationship.

Irrespective of the age when you enter a new relationship, you need to take care of the things mentioned above. These will help you enjoy a successful relationship.