15 Signs a Narcissist Is Cheating on You & How to Deal

Have you ever felt a shift in your partner’s behavior?

Maybe they’re suddenly more secretive with their phone, or they’re spending an unusual amount of time away from home… It’s confusing, and you’re left wondering if something deeper might be going on.

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, these doubts can feel even more intense. Narcissists often crave attention and validation, sometimes at any cost.

It’s painful to think about, but there are certain signs a narcissist is cheating on you that can provide clarity. Recognizing these signs is not about jumping to conclusions; it’s about understanding the behavior and protecting your emotional well-being.

Remember, you deserve honesty and respect in any relationship, and it’s okay to seek out the truth—even when it’s difficult.

What causes narcissists to cheat and lie in a relationship?

Why do narcissists cheat and lie in a relationship?

It’s a tough question with no easy answer… Narcissists often have a deep need for admiration and validation, which can drive them to seek attention outside their relationship.

They may view cheating as a way to boost their self-esteem or simply as a thrill. It’s not uncommon for narcissist cheating patterns to involve secrecy, manipulation, and deceit.

Sadly, they might not think about how their actions hurt others; instead, they focus on satisfying their own desires. 

It’s heartbreaking and confusing, but understanding these behaviors can help you make sense of the chaos and prioritize your own well-being.

14 signs a narcissist is cheating on you

Life Coach and Marriage Therapist Jaclyn Hunt highlights,

If you are questioning a partner’s faithfulness, whether or not they cheated, it means there is something fundamentally wrong in the relationship.

When you’re with a narcissist, it’s hard to know what’s real and what’s not. Their behavior can be confusing, leaving you wondering if they’re being faithful.

Recognizing the signs a narcissist is cheating on you isn’t always straightforward, but there are certain patterns and behaviors that can raise red flags.

By paying attention to these signs, you can better understand what might be happening in your relationship and take steps to protect yourself.

1. They suddenly become very secretive

One of the first signs a narcissist is cheating on you is a sudden change in how secretive they are. Maybe they’ve started hiding their phone, or they quickly close tabs on their computer when you walk in… 

This behavior is often a way to hide their actions and keep you from discovering what they’re up to. The more secretive they become, the more you may start to suspect something is wrong, and your intuition might be telling you to dig deeper.

For example, if your partner suddenly starts setting a password on their phone and becomes defensive when you ask about it, it could be a red flag.

2. They accuse you of cheating

Accusing you of cheating is another sign a narcissistic husband or wife is cheating on you. It may seem bizarre, but this is often a tactic to deflect attention from their behavior.

By accusing you, they’re creating confusion and putting you on the defensive, which distracts from their own actions. 

This projection can make you question your own trustworthiness and shift the focus away from their potential infidelity. It’s a manipulative move that keeps them in control and you off balance. 

For example, if they start questioning your whereabouts out of the blue or accuse you of flirting with others without any basis, it could be an attempt to divert attention from their actions.

3. They become unusually busy

A sudden spike in their schedule can be one of the telling signs a narcissist is cheating on you. They might start working late more often or claim they have a lot of “extra” commitments. 

While it’s normal for someone to be busy occasionally, if this behavior seems out of the blue or is accompanied by other suspicious signs, it could be a cover-up for spending time with someone else. 

It’s important to pay attention to these changes and see if they align with other red flags.

For example, if your partner who never worked late suddenly has numerous late-night meetings, it might be worth questioning what’s really going on.

4. They gaslight you frequently

Gaslighting is a common tactic used by narcissists to manipulate their partners, and it’s often employed when they’re hiding something. If they are cheating, they might start making you doubt your reality; they may insist you’re being paranoid or imagining things.

Research highlight: Research indicates that narcissistic admiration and rivalry are linked to different strategies used to influence romantic partners. Both forms of narcissism are associated with manipulation, but narcissistic rivalry also relates to more negative tactics, such as bullying and disengagement, while being negatively associated with bargaining.

This can make you question your instincts and feel insecure about your concerns. Recognizing this as one of the signs a narcissist is cheating on you can help you regain your confidence and clarity. 

For example, if you bring up their suspicious behavior and they immediately dismiss your concerns as “crazy” or accuse you of being overly sensitive, this could be an attempt to manipulate your perception.

Life Coach and Relationship Therapist Jaclyn Hunt points out,

Whenever there are inconsistencies in a relationship, it is normal to question them. Trust your instincts.

5. They become overly charming

If your partner suddenly becomes extra affectionate or charming, it could be a sign they’re trying to cover up guilt or distract you from their infidelity. Narcissists are skilled at putting on a show when they want to, and this sudden change in behavior can be confusing.

While it might seem like they’re trying to make amends, it could just be a way to keep you from suspecting that something is wrong. This charm offensive is another layer of their deceit.

For example, if your partner starts showering you with unexpected gifts or excessive compliments out of nowhere, it could be a way to distract you from their infidelity.

6. They show signs of guilt and shame

Surprisingly, narcissists can feel guilt or shame when they cheat, but instead of addressing these emotions healthily, they might act out in different ways. They may become irritable, defensive, or overly critical of you.

These are signs a narcissistic husband or wife is cheating on you, indicating they are projecting their feelings onto you rather than taking responsibility. This projection often masks their own discomfort with their actions and shifts the blame onto you.

For example, if your partner starts snapping at you over small things or becomes unusually defensive when you ask simple questions, it might be their way of dealing with guilt.

7. They start changing their appearance

A sudden focus on their looks can be one of the signs a narcissist is cheating on you. If they start working out more, buying new clothes, or spending more time grooming than usual, it might be because they’re trying to impress someone else.

This shift in appearance can be subtle or drastic, but if it’s not something they’ve shown interest in before, it’s worth noting. It’s not just about looking good; it’s about gaining admiration from others. 

For example, if your partner who never cared much about fashion suddenly starts buying trendy clothes or spending a lot of time in front of the mirror, it could be a sign.

8. They become emotionally distant

Emotional distance is a classic sign of infidelity. If a narcissist is cheating, they might withdraw emotionally from the relationship. This can manifest as less communication, a lack of intimacy, or an unwillingness to share their thoughts and feelings with you.

You may feel like you’re talking to a wall or that they’re no longer present in the relationship. This detachment often signals that their emotional energy is focused elsewhere, leaving you feeling neglected.

For example, if they stop asking about your day or seem disinterested when you talk, this could indicate that their attention is elsewhere.

9. They demand more privacy

Privacy is important in any relationship, but if your partner suddenly insists on more privacy than usual, it could be a sign something is off.

They might demand you stay out of their personal space or get defensive if you ask questions about their whereabouts.

This sudden need for privacy can be one of the signs a narcissist is cheating on you. It’s a way for them to create distance and keep you from discovering their infidelity.

For example, if they start taking calls in another room or get upset when you check their phone, this could be a warning sign.

10. They have unexplained expenses

If you notice unusual charges on your credit card statements or they’re suddenly spending more money without explanation, it could be another sign they’re cheating. These expenses might be for gifts, dinners, or other activities they’re doing with someone else.

A narcissist may try to hide these expenditures or get defensive when you ask about them. This financial secrecy is often a red flag that something isn’t right, especially if it’s combined with other suspicious behaviors.

For example, if you see charges for expensive dinners or hotel stays that you weren’t aware of, it might be time to have a conversation.

11. They get defensive about their phone

A strong attachment to their phone or other devices can be one of the more obvious signs a narcissistic husband or wife is cheating on you.

If they guard their phone like it’s a state secret, never let it out of their sight, or freak out if you touch it, something is likely up.

This behavior indicates they might be hiding something, such as messages or photos. It’s a classic sign that they don’t want you to see what’s on there.

For example, if they take their phone everywhere, even to the bathroom, and react strongly if you ask to use it, it could be a sign they’re hiding something.

12. They lie about small things

Small lies can be a precursor to bigger deceptions. If you notice your partner lying about trivial things, it could indicate they’re comfortable with dishonesty.

This pattern can be particularly troubling in a relationship with a narcissist, as it suggests they might not have qualms about lying about larger issues, such as infidelity.

These little lies can add up over time and become one of the signs a narcissist is cheating on you, showing a disregard for honesty.

For example, if they lie about where they were or who they were with, even when it doesn’t seem necessary, it might indicate bigger lies are also being told.

13. They avoid spending time with you

If your partner is making excuses to avoid spending time with you, it might be a sign their attention is elsewhere. They might suddenly have plans that don’t include you, or they might seem disinterested in activities you used to enjoy together.

This avoidance can be a tactic to distance themselves emotionally and physically, and it can be a sign they’re investing time in someone else. Recognizing this behavior can be crucial in identifying potential infidelity.

For example, if they start spending more nights out with friends or have new hobbies that don’t involve you, it could be a sign they’re avoiding you.

14. They have mood swings

Mood swings can be another indicator that something is wrong. If your partner is acting hot and cold—one minute loving and attentive, the next distant or angry—it might be because they’re struggling to balance their actions.

These mood changes can be confusing and upsetting, especially when they come without explanation. Narcissists often have difficulty managing their emotions, and these swings can be one of the signs a narcissist is cheating on you, reflecting the inner turmoil they might be experiencing.

For example, if they’re affectionate one day and dismissive the next, it could indicate they’re feeling conflicted or stressed about their actions.

5 things a narcissist might do when caught cheating

Finding out that your partner has been unfaithful is incredibly painful, and when the cheater is a narcissist, their reactions can be even more bewildering. 

How does a narcissist act when caught cheating? 

It often depends on their need to protect their self-image and maintain control over the situation. Here are 5 things a narcissist might do when caught cheating.

• Deny everything

One of the first things a narcissist might do when caught cheating is to deny everything, even when confronted with clear evidence. They might claim that you’re mistaken or that someone is trying to sabotage your relationship.

This tactic is meant to create confusion and make you doubt your own perception. By denying the truth, they hope to maintain control over the situation and avoid facing any consequences for their actions.

• Blame you

If denial doesn’t work, a narcissist might shift the blame onto you. They could claim that their cheating was a result of your behavior or that you drove them to it by not being attentive enough. 

This is a way to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and to make you feel guilty instead. By blaming you, they can justify their behavior and try to manipulate you into forgiving them or ignoring the issue.

• Play the victim

Another common reaction is for the narcissist to play the victim. They might claim that they felt neglected or unloved, trying to gain your sympathy and make you feel sorry for them. This tactic can be confusing because it mixes manipulation with an appeal for understanding.

They may cry, act remorseful, or tell you about how hard their life has been, hoping to shift the focus away from their betrayal and onto their own perceived suffering.

• Become angry and defensive

When a narcissist is caught cheating, they might react with anger and defensiveness. They could lash out at you, accuse you of invading their privacy, or become hostile in an attempt to scare you into backing down.

This reaction is meant to intimidate and silence you, making it less likely that you’ll confront them again. By becoming aggressive, they try to reassert their control over the situation and make you feel like you’re the one in the wrong.

• Make false promises

If all else fails, a narcissist might resort to making false promises. They could swear that they’ll change, promise to go to therapy, or vow to be more committed.

While these promises might sound convincing in the heat of the moment, they’re often empty words meant to placate you. The goal is to keep you from leaving or taking any drastic actions, all while giving them time to figure out their next move.

Do all narcissists cheat on their partners?

Not all narcissists cheat on their partners, but many do because of their need for validation and attention. Narcissists often crave admiration from others, and this can sometimes lead them to seek out new relationships or flings, even when they are already committed.

However, it’s important to remember that every person is different; not every narcissist will engage in infidelity. Some may have enough control to avoid cheating, while others might not.

What’s most crucial is recognizing the behaviors that make you feel uneasy or disrespected in a relationship. If you feel something is off, it’s okay to trust your instincts and prioritize your own well-being.

7 ways to deal with a cheating narcissistic partner

Dealing with a cheating narcissistic partner is incredibly challenging and can leave you feeling confused and hurt.

However, it’s important to remember that you have the power to make decisions that are best for your well-being. Here are 7 ways to handle a situation like this with a narcissistic partner:

1. Acknowledge your feelings

It’s essential to acknowledge your feelings and understand that your emotions are valid. Cheating is a betrayal that can lead to a mix of anger, sadness, and confusion.

Give yourself permission to feel these emotions without judgment. By accepting how you feel, you begin the healing process and start to regain control over your life.

Quick note: It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. Emotions are a natural response to being hurt.

2. Set clear boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial when dealing with a narcissistic partner who has cheated. Make it clear what behaviors you will not tolerate moving forward. 

This might mean limiting contact or defining personal space. Establishing boundaries helps protect your emotional health and sends a message that you deserve respect and honesty in a relationship.

Quick note: Boundaries are about protecting yourself, not about punishing your partner.

3. Avoid engaging in arguments

Narcissists often try to provoke you into arguments to deflect blame and create confusion. When dealing with a cheating partner, try to stay calm and avoid getting drawn into heated disputes.

Responding with calmness can help you maintain control over the situation and prevent them from manipulating your emotions further.

Quick note: Staying calm can be your best tool to avoid being manipulated or drawn into unnecessary drama.

4. Seek support from others

Having a support system is vital when managing a relationship with a narcissist who has cheated. Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist who can provide emotional support and guidance.

Life Coach Jaclyn Hunt points out,

Never confront a narcissist on your own. Have the support of a trusted confidant to back you up. Seek out the help of a professional, and don’t blame yourself. These types of relationships are common and very difficult to manage.

Talking about your experiences can help you feel less isolated and give you the strength to make decisions that are right for you.

Quick note: You don’t have to go through this alone—lean on those who care about you.

5. Consider professional help

Sometimes, dealing with a narcissistic partner requires more than just self-care and support from loved ones. A therapist can offer valuable insights and coping strategies to help you manage the situation. 

Professional guidance can provide a safe space to express your feelings and learn how to handle the complexities of a relationship with a narcissist.

Quick note: Professional help is a resource, not a sign of weakness. It can provide clarity and support.

Watch this video where Dr. Ramani, a clinical psychologist, explains how getting cheated on by a narcissist is different from just getting cheated on:

6. Reflect on the relationship

Take time to reflect on the relationship and consider whether it aligns with your values and needs. Think about the patterns of behavior you have experienced and whether this is something you want to continue facing.

This reflection can help you make a more informed decision about whether to stay or leave the relationship.

Quick note: Honest reflection can help you see the relationship for what it is and what it is not.

7. Make a decision that prioritizes your well-being

You need to make a decision that puts your well-being first. Whether this means ending the relationship or setting new terms for moving forward, it’s important to prioritize your mental and emotional health.

Remember, you deserve a relationship built on trust, respect, and honesty. Don’t be afraid to choose what’s best for you.

Quick note: Your well-being is the most important thing—never compromise it for the sake of a relationship.

Final takeaway

Dealing with the pain of discovering a cheating narcissistic partner is incredibly tough, but remember, you’re not alone in this. It’s okay to feel hurt, confused, and even angry… These emotions are all part of the healing process.

Take your time to assess what’s best for you; prioritize your well-being and mental health. Whether you decide to stay and set boundaries or leave and start fresh, know that you have the strength to make the right choice for yourself.

Trust your instincts, lean on your support network, and never forget that you deserve a relationship filled with respect, love, and honesty. It’s your life, and you have every right to choose what brings you peace and happiness.