Getting Hitched? 6 Tips for Pre-Marriage Relationships

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1.     Define expectations

What are your expectations for each other and your relationship in general?   You should be honest about these things; otherwise, you’ll be disappointed you did not put it out there early on.

It is important to communicate expectations – realistic expectations – and to be honest about them.

One expectation is your sex life together.  Have an honest dialogue about it.   Do not lie about having an orgasm or pretending to be satisfied. It won’t help your sex life and relationship in general. Remember that sex is a major part of relationships.

Another is what you want for the future.  Do you want to leave the city?   Do you want to go back to school? No matter what you expect for the future, put it out there – openly and honestly.

Then, what are your expectations for children?  Before tying the knot, discuss about it.  If the both of you want to have children, how many?  What belief system are you going to teach your kids? Think these things through before getting married.

2.      Make decisions together

Another important pre-marriage tip to remember apart from defining expectations is making decisions together.  If this early, you couldn’t agree on the planning basics, how do you imagine your married life together as a couple?

Agreeing on planning points, such as the deciding on the number of guests to be invited in the wedding, choosing the wedding date and selecting the wedding planning company are important before moving one more step closer to becoming officially a married couple. Or else, it will be hard to plan and consume so much time if you two would keep arguing on the details.

Tip: Don’t over think and try to create the perfect wedding because it will just lead to friction and anxiety.

Don’t be too wrapped up, but reframe what your wedding is all about – your love for each other. Finally, decide about the details of your wedding together.

3.     Seek shared values and sense of comfort

Marriage counselors reveal the importance of seeking for shared values and sense of comfort. As when you decide to share the rest of your life with that special someone, you can help your relationship if you know your shared values.

Before getting married, talk about the things you are valuing, dreaming about and hoping for.  The more of these topics you discuss before marriage, the more you will become satisfied and feel a sense of comfort in the relationship once you tied the knot.

Why should you talk about these things? If you’ve determined you’re on the same page in ideals and values, any arguments later won’t be about anything serious.

What are some common values to assess pre-marriage?

•        Commitment
•        Loyalty
•        Honesty
•        Fidelity
•        Self-control
•        Peacemaking
•        Living simply
•        Sacrifice
•        Generosity
•        Parent devotion
•        Friendship
•        Children
•        Kindness
•        Education

4.      Be best friends and not just a couple

A new research shows that being best friends with your partner can bring many benefits to the married relationship.  Backing it up, a research in published in the Journal of Happiness Studies reveals that being best friends with your spouse is linked to a higher level of relationship satisfaction.  

It also shows that its well-being benefits are stronger for the people who regard their partners as their best friend.

According to the researchers, a large part of satisfaction from marriage is its social aspect.  

So when you’re BFF with your spouse, you will be more than in a romantic relationship but in a super friendship.

5.     Honesty and openness

Another important pre-marriage relationship tip to remember is, to be honest, and open to each other because it can give that sense of security to the both of you.

It will also help you become emotionally bonded because you meet each other’s need for openness and honesty. By being honest and open to each other, you can also build compatibility in your marriage.  

For one, do not be afraid to reveal things of your past and future plans. By doing so, the both of you can make good decisions, which respect each other’s feelings or take those into account when making a decision. That’s how compatibility works.  It is about making decisions that will work well for the both of you.

So, go on and speak your truth with love and clarity.  By communicating your truth, you’re helping build a stronger connection with your future spouse regardless of his response.

6. Appreciate each other

Find things to appreciate about the man or woman you want to get married to before tying the knot.  

Once you’ve determined those things you appreciate about him or her, you will see fewer of their imperfections and flaws.