How to Get Over a Divorce You Didn’t Want: 10 Healing Ways

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Divorce is tough, but it can feel unbearable when it’s something you don’t want. The pain of loss, the shock of unexpected change, and the lingering “what ifs” can weigh heavily on your heart.

You might be wondering, “How do I even start to heal?” or “Will I ever feel okay again?”

When faced with the daunting question of how to get over a divorce, especially one you didn’t choose, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed and lost… but remember, you’re not alone in this journey.

Many have walked this path and found a way to move forward, discovering strength they never knew they had. Healing might seem distant now, and that’s okay.

Each day is a new opportunity to take a small step toward reclaiming your peace and finding comfort in new beginnings.

What is the hardest part of a divorce?

The hardest part of a divorce?

It’s often the heartbreak of letting go… letting go of a life you once knew, dreams you shared, and the future you envisioned together.

There’s an ache that comes with realizing things won’t ever be the same again. And then there’s the fear—fear of the unknown, of being alone, of starting over. The emotional rollercoaster can leave you feeling lost and unsure of yourself.

You might miss the comfort of familiar routines or the simple touch of a hand. It’s okay to feel this way; grieving the end of a relationship is a complex process, and it takes time to heal and rediscover yourself.

10 effective tips to get over a divorce you didn’t want

Getting over a divorce you didn’t want can feel like an uphill battle, especially when your heart is still holding onto what it once was.

You might find yourself asking, “How do I get over a divorce that I never wanted?” It’s okay to feel lost and overwhelmed… This journey is unique for everyone, and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution.

But there are 10 effective steps that can help guide you toward healing and finding peace again.

1. Allow yourself to grieve

Grieving is an essential part of how to get over a divorce, especially one you didn’t want. It’s important to allow yourself to feel all the emotions that come with it—sadness, anger, confusion, and even relief. 

Bottling up your feelings will only prolong your pain and make the healing process harder. Give yourself permission to cry, scream, or write down your thoughts. Remember, there’s no “right” way to grieve; it’s a personal journey that unfolds in its own time.

2. Lean on your support system

One of the best ways to get over a divorce is by reaching out to friends and family who care about you. Your support system is there to offer comfort, lend a listening ear, or just be present with you during this difficult time.

Don’t hesitate to lean on them; let them know how you’re feeling. Sometimes, simply talking things out can bring clarity and relief. Surrounding yourself with people who understand can help you feel less alone and more supported.

3. Take care of your physical health

Your body and mind are deeply connected, so taking care of your physical health can play a big role in how to get over a divorce. Try to maintain a balanced diet, get regular exercise, and ensure you’re getting enough sleep.

It might be hard at first, but taking small steps to care for yourself physically can boost your mood and energy levels. Remember, self-care isn’t just about bubble baths and face masks—it’s about nurturing your whole being, especially when you’re going through something tough.

4. Seek professional help if needed

Sometimes, getting over a divorce requires more than just leaning on friends and family. If you find that you’re struggling to cope or your emotions are overwhelming, it might be helpful to seek professional support.

A therapist or counselor can provide you with the tools and strategies you need to process your feelings in a healthy way. There’s no shame in asking for help—it’s a sign of strength and a proactive step toward healing.

5. Focus on self-discovery

Divorce can shake your sense of self, but it’s also an opportunity to rediscover who you are. This might be a good time to explore new hobbies, revisit old passions, or simply spend time alone to reflect. 

Understanding who you are outside of your relationship can be empowering and is a key part of how to get over a divorce. It’s about finding joy in your own company and learning to love yourself again.

6. Set boundaries with your ex

Setting clear boundaries with your ex is crucial when it comes to getting over a divorce. Whether it’s limiting contact or avoiding certain topics, boundaries help protect your emotional well-being. 

This doesn’t mean you have to be cold or unkind; it’s about respecting yourself and the healing process. Communicate your needs clearly, and don’t be afraid to stick to them. Boundaries can help you move forward without constantly reopening old wounds.

7. Give yourself time

Healing from a divorce is not something that happens overnight; it’s a process that unfolds gradually. It’s normal to have days where you feel okay and others where the pain is fresh again.

Be patient with yourself and understand that getting over a divorce takes time. There’s no rush to “get over it,” and it’s okay to move at your own pace. Every step forward, no matter how small, is progress.

8. Avoid negative coping mechanisms

When you’re figuring out how to get over a divorce, it’s easy to fall into negative coping mechanisms like excessive drinking, overeating, or isolating yourself. While these might offer temporary relief, they can ultimately hinder your healing.

Instead, try to engage in healthier outlets such as exercise, journaling, or spending time in nature. Finding positive ways to cope can help you deal with your emotions constructively and move forward in a healthier manner.

Watch this TEDx Talk where clinical psychologist Dr. Antonio Pascual-Leone discusses how to move on from an important relationship ending. He shares a 3-step process to help you deal with “emotional baggage” and “unfinished business” and “finish the feeling:”

9. Practice mindfulness and meditation

Mindfulness and meditation can be powerful tools in the journey of getting over a divorce. These practices help you stay present and grounded, reducing anxiety about the future or regret over the past. 

Even just a few minutes of mindfulness each day can make a difference. By focusing on the present moment, you can cultivate a sense of peace and acceptance, which is incredibly healing during times of distress.

10. Embrace new beginnings

Though it might not feel like it right now, divorce can also be a chance for new beginnings. It’s an opportunity to create a life that truly reflects who you are and what you want.

Embracing this new chapter with an open mind can be the best way to get over a divorce. As you move forward, remember that this is your chance to build a future filled with possibilities, growth, and hope.

How long does it take to recover from a divorce?

Recovering from a divorce is a deeply personal journey, and there’s no set timeline for how long it takes. Everyone’s experience is different—some may start to feel more like themselves in a few months, while others might need years to heal.

The average time to get over a divorce can vary greatly, depending on factors like the length of the marriage, the reasons for the breakup, and each person’s emotional resilience. It’s important to remember that healing isn’t a linear process…

You might have days where you feel okay and others where the pain feels fresh again. Be gentle with yourself, and don’t rush through the emotions.

Take the time you need to grieve, grow, and find your footing. No matter how small, every step forward is part of the healing journey.

Moving forward with hope and self-compassion

Moving forward after a divorce you didn’t want is never easy. It’s okay to feel lost, hurt, or even angry—these emotions are all part of the healing process. Remember, there’s no rush to feel better; it’s perfectly fine to take things one day at a time.

Be patient with yourself, and don’t be afraid to reach out for support when you need it. Each step you take, no matter how small, is a step toward a brighter future.

Trust that with time, self-compassion, and a bit of courage, you will find your way through this. You are stronger than you think… and better days are ahead.