How to Fight the Gaslighting of a Narcissist: 7 Healthy Ways

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Gaslighting, a manipulative tactic often employed by narcissists, can have a detrimental impact on an individual’s mental and emotional well-being. In this article, we will explore some effective tips to fight back against gaslighting and regain your sense of self. 

So, how to fight the gaslighting of a narcissistic partner?

By understanding the tactics used by narcissists, setting boundaries, seeking support, and prioritizing self-care, you can reclaim your power and protect your mental health. 

These strategies will empower you to navigate the challenging dynamics of gaslighting and emerge stronger and more resilient. So, read this article to understand the various aspects of gaslighting by a narcissist better. 

What is narcissistic gaslighting?

Narcissistic gaslighting refers to a form of psychological manipulation in which a narcissist systematically undermines another person’s perception of reality, memory, and self-worth.

Grady Shumway, LMHC, says

Narcissistic gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where a narcissist seeks to distort another person’s perception of reality, memory, and self-worth. They may deny or downplay the victim’s feelings, twist facts, and shift blame, all while subtly making the victim question their sanity or judgment.

This deliberate manipulation aims to create confusion and self-doubt, fostering emotional dependency on the narcissist for validation and reality.

Gaslighting tactics employed by narcissists include denying or trivializing the experiences and emotions of their victims, distorting facts, shifting blame, and subtly questioning their sanity or judgment. 

The goal of gaslighting is to gain control and power over the victim by causing them to doubt their own perceptions and reality, leading to confusion, self-doubt, and emotional dependency on the narcissist.

7 tips to fight the gaslighting of a narcissist

Gaslighting by a narcissist can have a devastating impact on a person’s confidence, so it is important to find ways to handle this in a healthy manner. 

Wondering how to fight the gaslighting of a narcissist better? Try these techniques.

1. Learn how to spot gaslighting

You can’t fight or disrupt a behavior until you learn how to recognize it.

Learn the signs that your narcissist is gaslighting you, as it will help you in learning how to fight the gaslighting of a narcissist

These include telling you that you remember something wrong or that you just imagined it, accusing you of being “too sensitive,”; trying to talk you out of your feelings because “you shouldn’t feel that way,” or “that’s not what I meant.”

Some narcissists throw in circular logic and “word salad.” Lots of smart-sounding words that don’t say anything in an attempt to confuse victims, too.

Other narcissists outright lie as part of gaslighting, such as denying they ever said something or did something that the victim clearly remembers.

They will also lie to shift accountability for their own actions and failures, especially when they can convince the victim to blame themselves.

2. Stay grounded in your own reality

One of the major effects of gaslighting is that it makes the victim question their perception of reality. Being constantly told that you misremember events or that they didn’t happen at all, or that you are imagining things takes a toll on your psyche.

Staying grounded in your reality helps you anchor yourself in what you know to be true. Write things down if you have to so that you have detailed notes to return to if you start to question something.

Find a person or group you can talk to so that you can receive support and also have people who can verify your account of events.

Practicing positive self-talk and reminding yourself that you know what happened, you know what you feel, and that your feelings are valid can also help you stay grounded.

3. Detach

It can be difficult in the midst of a gaslighting session, but detachment is one way to fight the gaslighting of a narcissist.

How to deal with a gaslighting narcissist? 

First, detaching helps you avoid the instinctive, emotional reaction gaslighting provokes and is designed to provoke you to defend yourself. Secondly, detaching disconnects your energy from the exchange, which deprives the narcissist of the energy supply they are seeking.

Practice detachment by mentally stepping back when the gaslighting begins.

Treat the exchange as if you were a bystander watching rather than a participant. This will help keep you safer from the effects of gaslighting. The narcissist may also become so frustrated with the lack of energy supply that they terminate the conversation.

4. Get up in your head

Much like detachment, intellectualizing the gaslighting can help you fight it.

Intellectualizing the gaslighting circumvents the emotional response the narcissist is seeking.

Respond to the narcissist with short, direct factual statements. Ask direct questions. Do your best to keep the emotion off your face and out of your voice. This will both frustrate and confuse the narcissist. This goes a long way when you are trying to fight the gaslighting of a narcissist. 

So, how to respond to a narcissist’s gaslighting?

Intellectualizing can also help you stay calm in the face of narcissistic gaslighting, which can be a valuable tool for making good decisions about how to respond to the narcissist both in the moment and in the future.

5. Kill them with kindness

The thing with narcissists is it’s always about them.

Narcissists thrive on praise, validation, and hearing how wonderful and right they are.

Even if you don’t really believe it, flip the script in a gaslighting conversation by turning it around to be about the narcissist.

Shower them with praise. Instead of fighting back, make the conversation about the narcissist and what’s so great about them. Don’t be afraid to be effusive.

Paradoxically, overloading the narcissist with too much of what they want can overwhelm them and make them shut down a gaslighting session. This probably isn’t a healthy long-term solution, but it can be useful at the moment when you need to disrupt gaslighting as it’s happening.

6. Leave

Leaving one is the hardest to practice but the most effective if you experience manipulative gaslighting narcissistic behavior. 

As soon as you see a conversation heading into gaslighting territory, put an end to it. Say something like, “I am not having this conversation,” and cut the interaction short. If you can leave the physical area, so much the better.

Even if you have been drawn into the drama of an interaction with a narcissist, you can put the brakes on at any time. Cutting the interaction off deprives the narcissist of supply and will probably take them by surprise. This puts the power back in your hands.

Grady Shumway further adds,

Leaving a conversation with a narcissist can be challenging, but it’s one of the most effective strategies against manipulative gaslighting behavior. When you sense the conversation shifting into gaslighting territory, firmly state, “I am not having this conversation,” and end the interaction.

If possible, physically remove yourself from the situation. By cutting off the interaction, you deny the narcissist the emotional supply they seek, which can help protect your mental well-being.

7. Consider professional help

If the gaslighting and its impact on your mental health become overwhelming, seeking therapy or counseling can provide valuable support. A mental health professional can help you navigate the gaslighting tactics of a narcissist, heal from the emotional abuse, and regain your self-esteem and independence.

Some commonly asked questions 

Here are the answers to some pressing questions that can help you if thoughts like, “Why do narcissists gaslight?”

• How to get revenge on a gaslighter?

Seeking revenge on a gaslighter may not be the most productive approach, as it can perpetuate a cycle of negativity and potentially escalate the situation. Instead, focus on your own healing and well-being. 

Prioritize self-care, set boundaries, and surround yourself with supportive individuals. Seeking therapy or counseling can provide a safe space to process the effects of gaslighting and develop coping strategies. 

Remember, the best revenge when you notice narcissistic gaslighting examples is living a happy, fulfilled life, free from the toxic influence of the gaslighter.

Watch this video to learn why people have revenge fantasies:

• What to say to a narcissist who is gaslighting you?

When facing a gaslighting narcissist, it’s important to stay calm and assertive. Say things like, “I trust my own judgment and perceptions,” “I won’t allow myself to be manipulated,” or “Your attempts to distort reality won’t work on me.” 

Avoid engaging in arguments or trying to convince them, as they thrive on conflict. Focus on setting boundaries, asserting your own truth, and seeking support from trusted individuals who validate your experiences.

• How do you mentally beat a narcissist?

To mentally beat a narcissist, focus on self-awareness and self-confidence. Maintain a strong sense of self and trust in your own worth and abilities. Establish and enforce boundaries to protect yourself from their manipulation. 

Develop a support network of trusted individuals who provide validation and perspective. Practice self-care and prioritize your mental well-being. Educate yourself about narcissism to understand their tactics. 

Seek professional help if needed. Remember, your mental strength lies in reclaiming your power, asserting your truth, and refusing to let the narcissist’s manipulation define your worth.

In a nutshell

In conclusion, navigating gaslighting from a narcissist can be an emotionally draining and disorienting experience. However, armed with knowledge, self-awareness, and a support system, you can effectively combat these manipulative tactics. 

By educating yourself about gaslighting, trusting your instincts, setting boundaries, seeking support, practicing self-care, documenting incidents, and considering professional help if needed, you can reclaim your power, protect your mental well-being, and establish a healthier dynamic. 

Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope for healing and regaining your sense of self. With these seven tips, you can navigate the treacherous waters of gaslighting and emerge stronger and more resilient on the other side.