7 Signs Of “Crazy-Making” in a Relationship and How to Deal

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Have you ever felt like you’re losing your sense of reality in a relationship?

Or maybe you find yourself constantly second-guessing your feelings, wondering if what you’re experiencing is normal?

This kind of confusion and emotional turmoil can be deeply unsettling. When someone twists situations, denies things that happened, or constantly shifts the blame onto you, it can make you feel like you’re the one going “crazy.”

This behavior, often referred to as “crazy-making,” can leave you feeling disoriented and questioning everything. It’s important to remember that feeling confused or lost in these situations isn’t a reflection of your worth.

You’re not alone in this; many people experience similar challenges in their relationships, and it’s okay to seek clarity and support.

What is “crazy-making” in a relationship?

Crazy-making in a relationship is when someone manipulates situations to make you doubt your own thoughts, feelings, or memories. It’s a subtle, often confusing form of emotional abuse where you might feel like you’re losing your grip on reality.

Imagine being told that what you know happened didn’t actually occur or that your reactions are always overblown… It’s bewildering, right?

You start questioning yourself, wondering if you’re the problem.

So, who is a crazy-maker?

It’s someone who twists the truth, denies reality, and makes you feel like you’re “crazy” for feeling the way you do. Remember, it’s not your fault if you’re feeling lost and confused; these behaviors are meant to keep you off balance.

7 signs of crazy-making behavior in relationships

Being in a relationship should bring feelings of safety, love, and trust. However, some relationships can leave you feeling confused, anxious, and constantly second-guessing yourself.

If you’re experiencing moments where reality seems distorted, it might be due to crazy-making behavior. Here are 7 signs of such behavior to help you understand what might be happening, including crazy-making examples.

1. Denying your reality

One of the most common signs of crazy-making behavior is when your partner denies things that have clearly happened. They might say, “That’s not what I said,” or “You’re imagining things,” even when you’re certain of the truth.

This tactic can make you doubt your own memory and perception, leaving you feeling confused and off-balance. Over time, it can lead to questioning your reality altogether.

For example, you remember your partner agreeing to attend a family gathering, but when the day arrives, they insist they never committed to it, making you question your memory.

2. Blaming you for their actions

Crazy-makers often shift the blame for their own behavior onto you. If they lose their temper, they might say, “You made me do it,” or “If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have reacted this way.”

This deflection not only avoids accountability but also makes you feel responsible for their actions, which isn’t fair or healthy.

For instance, if your partner yells at you, they might blame it on you being “too demanding” or “always starting fights” instead of owning up to their outburst.

3. Twisting your words

Does it seem like your partner manages to twist it into something negative no matter what you say? This is a classic crazy-making tactic.

They may take something you said in a completely different context and use it against you, creating arguments out of thin air. It’s confusing and can make you feel like you’re always walking on eggshells.

For example, if you mention being tired after work, they might accuse you of not caring about the relationship, saying, “You’re just making excuses not to spend time with me.”

4. Creating confusion through contradictions

A crazy-maker might say one thing one day and something completely different the next, leaving you scratching your head. They may promise one thing but do another or change their story without acknowledging the shift.

This creates a whirlwind of confusion, making it hard to know what to believe or trust, and often leaves you feeling disoriented.

For instance, your partner might assure you they’re okay with you spending time with friends, only to accuse you of neglecting them later and claim they never agreed to it.

5. Withholding information

When someone deliberately keeps information from you, it’s a form of crazy-making. It might be details about their plans, finances, or feelings they refuse to share, leaving you in the dark.

This lack of transparency makes it difficult to make informed decisions or feel secure in the relationship, causing unnecessary stress and anxiety.

For example, they might make significant purchases without telling you or keep their whereabouts vague, leaving you feeling excluded and uneasy.

6. Using guilt as a weapon

Crazy-makers often use guilt to manipulate you into doing what they want.

They might say things like, “If you really loved me, you would…” or “I’ve done so much for you; how could you treat me like this?”

A study interviewed six participants about their experiences with guilt trips, identifying types like “tongue and cheek,” “moral education,” and “side effects.” Findings suggest guilt, while sometimes adaptive, is unhealthy when used manipulatively in relationships.

This tactic preys on your emotions and can make you feel indebted to them, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.

For instance, if you decline a request, they might remind you of all the favors they’ve done for you, making you feel guilty for saying no.

7. Constantly changing the subject

Whenever a difficult topic comes up, does your partner divert the conversation?

Crazy-makers often shift topics or introduce unrelated issues to avoid addressing the real problem.

This can leave you feeling frustrated and unheard, as every serious discussion becomes an exhausting game of cat and mouse. It’s a tactic meant to control the narrative and keep you on unstable ground.

For example, if you try to discuss a recurring issue, they might bring up a past mistake you made, completely derailing the conversation and avoiding the original topic.

What is the difference between crazy-making and gaslighting?

Understanding the terms “crazy-making” and “gaslighting” can be confusing, especially since both involve manipulative behaviors that leave someone questioning their reality.

While these tactics might seem similar on the surface, they have distinct characteristics and impacts. Crazy-making often refers to erratic and confusing behaviors that cause frustration and self-doubt. 

On the other hand, gaslighting is a more deliberate, systematic effort to make someone doubt their own perceptions or sanity.

Let’s explore these differences more clearly to understand what each term means.

5 ways to deal with a crazy-maker in a relationship

Dealing with crazy-making behavior in a relationship can feel like a daunting challenge. It often leaves you feeling drained, confused, and questioning your own reality.

But you don’t have to navigate this alone! There are ways to protect your peace and regain your sense of self. Here are five steps on how to deal with crazy-making behavior.

1. Recognize the behavior

The first step is recognizing crazy-making behavior for what it is. Understand that these actions are deliberate attempts to manipulate your thoughts and feelings.

Identifying the patterns can help you see that it’s not about you—it’s about control. Trust your instincts and acknowledge that what you’re feeling is valid.

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Keep a journal of incidents where you feel confused or manipulated. Writing down these moments can help you see patterns over time and validate your feelings.

Reflecting on these notes can give you clarity and reinforce your understanding that what you’re experiencing is not normal or healthy.

2. Set clear boundaries

Once you recognize crazy-making behavior, it’s crucial to set firm boundaries. Make it clear what you will and will not tolerate in your relationship.

This might involve stepping back from conversations that become manipulative or refusing to engage in situations where your reality is being denied. Remember, it’s okay to protect your emotional well-being!

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Communicate your boundaries calmly and assertively, perhaps by saying, “I won’t continue this conversation if you keep twisting my words.”

Practice this in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend to build confidence. Consistently reinforce these boundaries to ensure your partner understands your limits.

3. Seek support

You don’t have to face crazy-making behavior on your own. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a therapist who can offer perspective and support.

Sharing your experiences with others can help validate your feelings and provide the strength needed to deal with this challenging behavior. It’s important to have a safe space where you feel understood.

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Find a support group, either in person or online, where people share similar experiences. Hearing others’ stories can be incredibly validating and provide practical advice.

You could also schedule regular check-ins with a friend who understands what you’re going through.

4. Practice self-care

Dealing with a crazy-maker can be emotionally exhausting, so it’s vital to take care of yourself. Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether that’s reading, exercising, or spending time with loved ones.

Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for maintaining your mental health and well-being. Nurture yourself and prioritize your needs!

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Set aside at least 30 minutes each day for a self-care activity, like meditation, a hobby, or simply resting. Create a self-care routine that includes physical, emotional, and mental health practices.

Remember, taking care of yourself is essential for handling the stress that comes with dealing with crazy-making behavior.

Watch this video where Christin, a transformational coach, shares 7 crazy-making tactics that expose covert narcissists:

5. Consider professional help

If crazy-making behavior persists and affects your emotional or mental health, consider seeking professional help.

A therapist or counselor can provide strategies for coping and offer a safe environment to process your feelings. They can guide you toward finding clarity and peace in your life.

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Look for a therapist who specializes in relationships or emotional abuse. You can start by researching local therapists or asking for recommendations from trusted sources.

During your sessions, be open about your experiences and willing to explore different coping strategies. Therapy can provide a valuable space for healing and growth.

Don’t suffer this emotional abuse silently

If you find yourself dealing with crazy-making behavior, remember you don’t have to face it alone. It’s important to acknowledge that this kind of emotional abuse can take a serious toll on your well-being. 

Speak up, reach out for support, and set those essential boundaries—your peace of mind matters! You deserve to feel safe and understood in your relationship. Don’t let anyone make you question your reality or worth.

Whether you confide in a friend, family member, or therapist, know that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You have every right to a loving, respectful relationship that honors your feelings and experiences.