How to Save Your Marriage During Difficult Times: 10 Tips

Listen to this article

Getting married is more or less like starting a career, or trying to get a degree from a university or polytechnic. It is easy to get married, but there will certainly be challenges in the marriage and you have to stay in the marriage for the long term and make it a success.

Learning how to save your marriage during difficult times involves having realistic expectations, first and foremost.

The marriage will have misunderstandings, arguments, disagreements, and conflicts. It is how you handle and compose yourself in those situations that will prove how willing you are to put effort into making the marriage work. 

Keep reading to find out practical and effective ways to 

What are the hardest times in a marriage?

Before you learn how to save your marriage during difficult times, it can be helpful to identify the factors that can be responsible for a bad phase in your marriage. 

So, when does marriage get hard for couples?

Usually, financial difficulties, infidelity, breakdown in communication, parenting conflicts, a difference of opinion over major life choices, grief or health issues are some circumstances under which a marriage is tough to maintain. 

Stressful circumstances can enhance and create differences between couples, harming the relationship when left unresolved. 

What are the signs of an unhappy marriage?

Learning how to improve a marriage can become easier when you know and understand the signs of an unhappy marriage. It can help you be sure that there is a problem in the marriage and that something needs to be done to improve it. 

When a marriage is hard, there are certain things that you may notice in the relationship dynamics. They may have unhealthy communication patterns, conflict resolution, sexual incompatibility and constant misunderstandings. 

To learn more about the signs of an unhappy marriage, click here. If you notice these in your relationship, you may have to look for things to do to strengthen your marriage. 

10 tips to save a marriage during difficult times

Hard times in marriage can become a cause for concern, as they can make you question the longevity of the relationship and the regard that you have for each other. 

The marriage will have hurdles and storms, but you have to overcome them. Below are the strategies that you will need to overcome and restore your marriage

1. Admit you no longer have control

The first thing to do while restoring a marriage is to admit defeat. You should admit you are in a storm and cannot do anything. Acknowledge that you are powerless and cannot continue fighting your way out. 

Admit that you cannot manage your marriage problems and issues alone. This means you must recognize the ineffectiveness of your attempts to change your and your spouse’s faults.

You realize that you are powerless to control or change your spouse, their wrongs, and many other things in your marriage.

2. Re-adjust your expectations

Almost all marriages encounter problems and challenges sooner or later. Some marital problems and challenges can be predicted and avoided, while others cannot be foreseen and must be dealt with and resolved as they arise.

Coach Christiana Njoku says,

Over expectations in relationships will lead to a dashing of hopes when they are not met.

If the marital problems have been occurring over a long period, the marriage may be in crisis. A marriage in crisis will be very painful, but that does not mean the relationship should end.

In an unhappy marriage, the root of unhappiness is a lack of unconditional love and acceptance for each other. Unhappiness is caused in a relationship when you cannot accept your spouse for who they are. 

Controlling, demanding and unrealistic expectations from your spouse are just symptoms that cause unhappiness. 

When we stop seeing marriage as an obligation for our partner to fill our expectations and desires and we see it as an opportunity to accept our spouse for who they are, happiness is guaranteed to be restored. 

To restore a relationship or a marriage, you must re-adjust your expectations, desires and wants in the marriage.

Related Reading: Sharing the Same Expectations in Marriage: Is it important?

3. Focus on changing yourself, not your partner

You should know that you can’t change someone else. You can only change yourself. 

Trying to change your spouse will create tension and grief in your relationship and discourage them from changing. Even if your spouse did change, they wouldn’t feel very happy about the relationship until you made some changes yourself.

You don’t like to be pressured, fixed, directed, controlled, or manipulated to change. Trying to change your spouse will likely cause them to feel grieved, discouraged, anxious, and angry, making them back away from you and resist you.

If you want to restore your marriage, you must accept responsibility for your mistakes, actions, inactions, and behaviors rather than blaming your spouse and demanding your spouse change.

4. Demand for support

As said earlier, you cannot change or restore your relationship on your own. You will need help from friends, family experts and so on. Accept help from family, friends, church members, staff, and others for whatever you need to make the marriage work.

How to save your marriage during difficult times?

You can both decide to go to a marriage therapist to put you through the restoration process. 

Going to the therapist for help is even more advisable because while at marriage therapy, you get to learn more about your spouse, know the problems in the relationship and how to resolve them, and most of all, absorb wisdom from the therapist.

5. Rebuild trust

Trust is the most important ingredient in a marriage relationship. It takes a very short time to destroy the trust someone has for you and a much longer time to rebuild it. 

Are you trying to learn how to strengthen your marriage?

According to counselor Christiana Njoku,

Trust takes time to rebuild once broken, but it must be rebuilt to restore any relationship.

Getting through hard times in a marriage requires consistently monitoring your behavior and being very careful about how you treat each other. Building trust in an unhappy marriage is the key to restoring a relationship. If you want to restore your marriage, you need the key!

Related Reading: 20 Ways to Rebuild Trust in Your Marriage

6. Meet your spouse’s emotional needs

To restore a marriage, you must give attention to your spouse, treat them with respect, show sincere appreciation, ask for their approval before making decisions, fulfill their sexual needs, show support, and assure them of comfort and security.

7. Show your appreciation

Learning how to get through hard times in marriage involves taking the time to appreciate all the good things that your partner does. 

Research shows that appreciation in close relationships positively impacts life satisfaction. That’s why take the time to say a simple “thank you” to acknowledge everything your partner does for you. 

Gratitude can imbue positivity in your relationship, which can help you deal with the hard times in your marriage more productively and maturely. 

8. Spend quality time together

Experts have pointed out that quality time with your partner can strengthen the bond that you share with your partner. It can help you resolve the problems that may take root due to a lack of attention. 

Hit the pause button on the daily life routine, and spend one-on-one time with your partner. Complacency can aggravate issues, and quality time can help combat it. 

Related Reading: 11 Ways to Spend Some Quality Time With Your Partner

Watch this video to learn how to spend quality time with your partner:

9. Avoid the blame game

Are you trying to learn what to do when marriage is hard? Consider holding yourself back from placing the blame for the hardship in the marriage on your partner solely. 

The ability to take responsibility for your actions in relationships is an indication that you are not in blame games with your partner.

Adds Christiana Njoku

Studies have shown that the blame game only sabotages the health and longevity of relationships. It can make a bad situation worse by focusing on who was in the wrong rather than looking for a solution. 

10. Stay romantic 

Instead of focusing on questions to ask your spouse during hard times, why not work toward bringing the romance back into your relationship? 

Marriages can go through tough times if both partners neglect the health of their relationship. By being romantic with your partner, you can enhance your relationship and the bond that you share. 

Related Reading: 30 Ways on How to Be Romantic in Marriage

5 things to do to strengthen a marriage

Rough times in marriage should be handled with care and consideration. They are not an indication of things being irreparable. You can take steps to ensure that your marriage is healthy and fulfilling again.

Here are some of the things that you can do to make the bond between you and your partner stronger and avoid marriage hard times:

1. Perform small gestures for your partner
2. Take responsibility for your actions
3. Have fun with your partner
4. Talk openly and kindly about your expectations, desires and disappointments 
5. Work on mutual satisfaction of sexual, emotional, physical and social needs

To learn more things to strengthen your marriage, click here. 

You can also try Marriage.com’s Save My Marriage course to strengthen your and your partner’s bond. 

Final takeaway

Learning how to save your marriage during difficult times can seem difficult, but it is essential if you want to save your marriage. 

You can teach healthy habits in your relationship that help you address the problems and set a foundation for better conflict resolution in the future. 

Follow the steps mentioned above to strengthen the bond you and your spouse share. It will make your relationship more resilient.